sincere523

Hello, I am a newcomer to this forum. I am living with an alcoholic. She is my sister in law and has been with my husband, my 10 yr old ans myself for about 6 months now. She moved in with me after breaking up with her boyfriend of 7 yrs that was a toxic relationship. I know that she smokes pot and has been popping pills and doing cocaine from time to time from her drinking has been spinning her life out of control. She is going to start probation soon after smashing a glass into a womens face at a bar. We as a family have spoken to her so many times I feel like a broken record. All of her friends have been distancing themselves from her as her only idea of fun is going to the bar and she seems to always cause some kind of disturbance and all her friends feel like babysitters when they are out with her. She goes to bars where her ex-boyfriend is and starts yelling at him and embarassing herself, she calls his phone and has parked in front of his house drunk and beeps the horn. Her boyfriend has to call me because he is tired of it. She drives drunk and has also developed as issue where she has been wetting the bed and even peed on my couch and a friends couch after passing out. Months ago we took all of the alcohol out of the cabinet. However, my husband and I do drink on weekends and If we forget any alcohol is in the fridgerator she sneaks it and drinks in her room. A family member has offered to pay for her to see a therapist (she lost her job last month because of her attitude at work) but I think therapy isnt enough, I feel she needs inpatient rebab. I know our family all love her dearly but I am ready to take my blinders off and stop enabling. She has easily become the topic of every conversation with family and friends. I told her she has to get help if she wants to stay here but now her brother offered to pay for therapy and I think the family is appeased by this but I am not. I need to know if this is going to make a difference. She has been being commended because she stopped smoking pot for a week now, but it's because she will be starting probation next month. I have been living witht this for so long that all of these things she does seem to lose the impact of how bad they are. Am I becoming immune to this? She does have many issues, depression and was sexually abused as a child. She takes anti depressants but I feel as if the pot and any other drugs she's done mixed with the alcohol never gave the anti depressant chance. Please someone remind me that she has to do inpatient rehab because we (the family and myself or a therapist) do not have what it takes to save her.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Sincere and sorry for what you are going through. Honestly I wouldn't bother pushing too much for inpatient detox unless you are sure she intends to quit. Even therapy. She has to come to the conclusion that she has to quit for herself. I guess the only thing you have any control over is whether or not she continues to stay in your home. Has she ever been to any AA meetings before? At least if you encourage her down that route it isn't going to cost a fortune. I hope it all resolves itself and please do check out the friends and family forum too x

ScottFromWI

Your efforts are commendable, but as has already been mentioned only she can decided to quit. Inpatient rehab won't even work if she doesn't want it to, she'll most likely be back out using within days if not hours if she doesn't want the help.

First and foremost though, you and your family need to support each other and seek help if necessary. Al-anon and the family and friends forum here have lots of support for those with family members with addiction issues.

Regarding your SIL, As you already admit, you are enabling a lot of her behavior by providing a place to live. Honestly I'd say an ultimatum is in order. Get help or get out. And be prepared to follow through and kick her out.

sincere523

Thanks. Yes we have suggested AA. I even went on ebay and bought the "big blue book" for her and myself to read. My MIL has even offered to go with her to the meetings. I find it the most frustrating when she has her good days and doesn't seem to drink, she will go and exercise or to the library. These days make me hopeful but so far haven't lasted. I don't want to kick her out but it's sucking the life out of me. I will check out the family and friends forum. I thought that's where I posted. lol- thanks again

honeypig

Sincere, welcome to SR and glad you found us here. Sorry for all you're going thru right now, but there are many who will share their experience, strength and hope here.

I would like to suggest posting in this part of the forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and this part of the forum Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information for help w/the situation you're in. You'll probably get the most replies there from folks who have been in your shoes.

Also, don't miss the stickies at the top of those pages for some good reading material--you'll learn a lot that way.

If you possibly can, I'd recommend an Alanon meeting soon. You'll feel a lot of acceptance there and learn a lot.

Again, sorry you need to come to SR, but glad you found us. Keep reading and posting. You're not alone.

least

I'm glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. Why can't you kick her out? If she's wrecking your lives isn't that enough reason to make her leave? If she's forced into being on her own she just might do something for herself.

Hevyn

Hi Sincere. I'm so sorry you have this to deal with. I think you'll find the support here helpful. Many have gone through similar things - I hope it'll help to know you're not alone.

sincere523

Well, yesterday during one of our talks together she told me she thinks she has to go to an inpatient rehab because she admits she has never drank this often for so long. She even said she cannot do outpatient because she will probably leave there and go get a bottle. Hopefully..just hopefully this is not just talk. If I have learned anything from the experience of living with an alcoholic, its the ups and downs of her moods.

SparkleKitty

When it comes to dealing with an active alcoholic, do yourself a favor and pay attention less to what she says than to what she does. If she senses her behavior is getting her into trouble with you, she very well might just try telling you what she thinks you need to hear in order to maintain the status quo. Is she looking into inpatient rehabs? Actively investigating her options? Those are signs that she is serious, and I sincerely hope that is the case. Good luck to you!

sincere523

Yes, she called a rehab that I gave her the number for and left her name and number for the admissions department. I wouldn't have believed this but I have called this rehab and they do have a recording asking you to leave a message..