No damn support. Angry.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 20
No damn support. Angry.
I'm seriously shocked and annoyed that every single one of our friends that we have told were quitting drinking are like "uh why?" To which I tell them our wake up call and a bajillion other obvious reasons to cut alcohol out of our life "oh. Ok. Sad face." Really??! Why can't people just be supportive and say "Good for you! I'm sure that's tough." No. People just can't f@*%ing grasp the concept of making healthy life choices. Seriously pissed over here. Pissed that all these people's lives only revolve around getting drunk. Can't have a good time unless they're sloshed or high or tripping balls. I need to get out of this town and find some go getters. People who aren't going to flake because they stayed up all night drinking and are too hungover to get out of bed. Or because they spent all their money at the bar and on weed.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
I wish I had some word of advice for you.
In all my years in this small rural town, I had ONE sober friend. I loved the guy- he could be our DD! I invited him to every party. If he had started drinking, I probably would have been disappointed...for me. Because I was selfish. But I did notice judgment always passed against him. He was never invited out unless I did it. He was the buzzkill who didn't drink. He's the one who said he had a problem and made you feel bad about yourself because you thought he was judging you when saying it (he wasn't). Sober people can't be fun after all.
I fear the same judgment against me...although I did typically volunteer to be DD at most parties when really into my alcoholism (to be seen sober- and then binge drink after dropping the last person off), so I do hope people let me go without question for a bit while I learn to deal with it.
In all my years in this small rural town, I had ONE sober friend. I loved the guy- he could be our DD! I invited him to every party. If he had started drinking, I probably would have been disappointed...for me. Because I was selfish. But I did notice judgment always passed against him. He was never invited out unless I did it. He was the buzzkill who didn't drink. He's the one who said he had a problem and made you feel bad about yourself because you thought he was judging you when saying it (he wasn't). Sober people can't be fun after all.
I fear the same judgment against me...although I did typically volunteer to be DD at most parties when really into my alcoholism (to be seen sober- and then binge drink after dropping the last person off), so I do hope people let me go without question for a bit while I learn to deal with it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by helenwulfgar 
I wish I had some word of advice for you.
In all my years in this small rural town, I had ONE sober friend. I loved the guy- he could be our DD! I invited him to every party. If he had started drinking, I probably would have been disappointed...for me. Because I was selfish. But I did notice judgment always passed against him. He was never invited out unless I did it. He was the buzzkill who didn't drink. He's the one who said he had a problem and made you feel bad about yourself because you thought he was judging you when saying it (he wasn't). Sober people can't be fun after all.
I fear the same judgment against me...although I did typically volunteer to be DD at most parties when really into my alcoholism (to be seen sober- and then binge drink after dropping the last person off), so I do hope people let me go without question for a bit while I learn to deal with it.
In all my years in this small rural town, I had ONE sober friend. I loved the guy- he could be our DD! I invited him to every party. If he had started drinking, I probably would have been disappointed...for me. Because I was selfish. But I did notice judgment always passed against him. He was never invited out unless I did it. He was the buzzkill who didn't drink. He's the one who said he had a problem and made you feel bad about yourself because you thought he was judging you when saying it (he wasn't). Sober people can't be fun after all.
I fear the same judgment against me...although I did typically volunteer to be DD at most parties when really into my alcoholism (to be seen sober- and then binge drink after dropping the last person off), so I do hope people let me go without question for a bit while I learn to deal with it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
It may be that your friends do not fully grasp your situation. I hope that you find the support that you need. We are always a good source.
You guys truly help so much. Just knowing you're all out there to lend an ear. Going through the same thing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
That's why we have places like this, magnolia 
I'm not angry at my friends anymore - they were all heavy drinkers - they either felt they had no problem with it, or had the same problem I did.
Right or not, the idea of giving up alcohol was alien to them.
I found more supportive friends.
D
I'm not angry at my friends anymore - they were all heavy drinkers - they either felt they had no problem with it, or had the same problem I did.
Right or not, the idea of giving up alcohol was alien to them.
I found more supportive friends.
D
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I had to let go of a lot of my "friends" when I got sober. It didn't take long to find out who were real friends and who were drinking/drugging buddies. I think some of it is they were just like me and when I got sober it probably made them uncomfortable inside.
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
That's right! Just do it for you! We will support you here. And of course you will find real, sober friends in time. By your actions, that your former drinking buddies will see, you may inspire one or two of them, who knows? 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Now that we are not saturating our brains with alcohol anymore, there is free time. What if you found a class to take? You may meet some interesting people that do not drink, and have more going for them than "Tripping Balls", and whatever else is going on. I can understand that it is disappointing to feel unsupported by your friends, or that they dont get it. A real true friend is not going to question this decision and be disappointed. A real friend wants the best for you. Keep on keeping on!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
sorry, but I just gotta say it...I don't know why so many people act the annoying way we did...five minutes ago!
It's a process. Most of us were not so enlightened as we are now about alcoholism and sobriety. Not so long ago, many of us didn't get it either.
It's a process. Most of us were not so enlightened as we are now about alcoholism and sobriety. Not so long ago, many of us didn't get it either.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Another way of looking at it, is once we're committed to sobriety it's a whole new chapter in our lives. It spurs a chain of events in a positive direction, and not all of them we'll initially understand or like. Some friends may walk away, and some wonderful new ones will come in, but either way it's for the best.
I love this famous quote, specifically the part where providence moves when we we make bold changes in our lives:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von
Hang in there!
I love this famous quote, specifically the part where providence moves when we we make bold changes in our lives:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von
Hang in there!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by SnwFlower
Another way of looking at it, is once we're committed to sobriety it's a whole new chapter in our lives. It spurs a chain of events in a positive direction, and not all of them we'll initially understand or like. Some friends may walk away, and some wonderful new ones will come in, but either way it's for the best.
I love this famous quote, specifically the part where providence moves when we we make bold changes in our lives:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von
Hang in there!
I love this famous quote, specifically the part where providence moves when we we make bold changes in our lives:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von
Hang in there!
I have been sober for two weeks and already I am noticing things that would not have been if I were still drinking. I feel like the longer I go the more those things will add up.
I truly am so excited to welcome new and sober friends into my life and maybe even inspire those "friends" who are still wrapped up in it. The one person who inspired this post originally is someone who I have known since 7th grade and has always been a dear friend, and I was so disappointed to hear his opposition, because it said a lot about where he is in his own life. I can see him spiraling down. We had a long conversation about how drinking has affected our lives and he said "I just don't give a **** anymore". So that is the difference between him and me, I care, because I don't want to drown my potential in booze like he is doing. He could be great, but instead he is drunk.
I want to be great. & I truly appreciate the support that I have found in you all.
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