Nighthawk8820

Let me tell you this now, Sobriety changes everything. You cant expect to change one huge thing and not have everything else in your world change. People will not be supportive and being around you will start to make them uncomfortable.You are now a constant reminder of everything they feel they are doing wrong. You being sober somehow makes them feel guilty or shameful, or less in control. You doing well and making good choices causes them to reflect on themselves. As you know, not everyone is always in the mood for this, so its easier to edge you out of the group and to carry on as things were/are. It doesn't matter if you dont even say a word or say you have no issues with them drinking, they will distance themselves from you. This comes with the territory. Dont expect people to understand what it is your going through, or to even care for that matter. It sounds harsh, but its the truth. You will find a select few people who really do care, but for the most part, you are on your own. There is always meeting other sober minded people, but they wont be there when its midnight and your sitting home alone. This is okay though, as you will learn to rely on yourself and you will find an inner strength you never knew existed. The only people who have supported me have been my father and a few select friends who are also in recovery, but even them I only see occasionally.

Its tough starting out. I dont even talk to anyone from my past much these days.Correction, I talk to no one. There have been weeks where I havent received a single text or call, but whatever. They all slowly backed away as I changed and progressed. I was angry at first, but not anymore. They have their own journey's and I have mine. Sobriety is the path I chose, and I am happy I did it. Pretty much everything changes, and that includes your social network. The thing is, as you get stronger, relying on social groups and your peers becomes less important. Will you get bored at times? Absolutely, but its up to you to reach out when you are ready and try and meet some people with things you have in common other than alcohol. What do you enjoy doing? I like working out, cars, and nature. I try and put that side of me out there, and have bonded with a few people. Its nice not having alcohol being the one common denominator between me and my "friends". You can do this, but the initial changes are scary and you can feel alienated. Trust me, its gets so much better.

nigey1

Exactly what Nighthawk said

sassu78

Thank you Nighthawk...I really needed to "hear" this. I'm having a really bad day. I have been concentrating on how to stay sober when spending time with my boyfriend that I haven't been thinking at all how he feels about that. He only has a few now and then so I thought he'll be happy when I stop going to bars with my girls and stop blacking out when I drink with him...I guess I was wrong. Today he accidentally slipped that he misses the times we were drinking together. Now that I stopped he only has one drink and I guess that's not enough for him. I tell him that he can drink, I don't mind, but he doesn't and then he seems all bored...I knew that I'll lose all my friends because they all drink like I used to but I never thought my sobriety would negatively affect my relationship...It really hurt to realize that. And now I feel like there's so much pressure that it would be better for me just to break up with him and concentrate on me..
Sorry for venting...just needed an outlet..

I know I never want to drink again. I feel so much more better sober. I'm so thankful that I found this forum, it gives me so much strenght.

You guys are amazing!!!

helenwulfgar

That is difficult, Sassu. It takes a long time for people to get used to the "new" you. It's going to be a while for your boyfriend to get used to the sober you, but hopefully he'll see it for the better when you can start actually participating in his life rather than just drinking through it.

magnolia44

Nighthawk,
Everything you said is so true and on base. Thank you so much.

Sassu,
I definitely would not be able to be doing this without the full support of my boyfriend. He has come along with me in every decision I've made from quitting cigarettes two years ago, to quitting weed over a month ago, to quitting drinking two weeks ago. And he seems to do it just so effortlessly. He keeps me in check and I keep him in check. I just couldn't live him if he continued the behavior. That would be like me walking on ahead and him remaining where we were, and I would surely revert back into it.

We had a "friend" come over the other night who brought a couple 40's with him (knowing we had quit) and when he shook his empty bottle I could almost hear his thought "gotta go get some more" a part of me was thinking "maybe if I had just one 40". The temptation was so strong at that point, I just know I couldn't deal with that. I would start to resent him and get angry and moody, or I would just give up completely.

If your relationship is based on getting drunk together and you stay sober, then eventually it will fall apart. But maybe if you try to come up with some other activities for you to do together to show him you can still have a good time and bond together over something besides alcohol your relationship will become stronger and he will be more supportive of your decision.

sassu78

Thanks Magnolia!

We have been talking a lot since this happened and he wants to make things work.
Seems like he finally understood what I'm going through and how alcohol has been destroying me...

Lets see how it goes...

magnolia44

I wish you guys the best of luck!!