helenwulfgar

I've been reading a few posts, but decided I should put my own:
I'm 31, female, and have been a heavy drinker for 10 years (ever since I could first hit the bars). By heavy drinker- I mean at least 4 drinks daily. There are very few days I can remember even having just 1 drink and my periods of sobriety equaled a few days, max.
I admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic 3 years ago. It wasn't until last week that I decided I needed to do something about it. This is because I have stage 2 hypertension...and I am no where close to obesity (130 lbs). I also lost a friend in January to a heart attack following years of hypertension and alcoholism.
It's been 4 days since my last drink now cannot sleep. My heart is racing. My last blood pressure reading was 136/106 (it's typically 140/88). My dialostic blood pressure is increasing daily, while my styolistic blood pressure is maintaining. My head is feeling under intense pressure and my limbs are numb.
The catch to all of this- I live in a rural bush community in Alaska without access to decent medical care (I don't count a medical technician that has no training outside delivering aspirin). Travel outside is limited and costs prohibitive (over $1000). I cannot be open about my medical issues to my employer or this town without suffering consequences that I cannot afford (I've hidden my alcoholism by pretending to be anti-social and shy- locking myself in at night). The only person who knows is my fiancé- who was the one who got me to admit I had a problem and has been encouraging me to get help and stop drinking for the last 3 years.
So knowing that the reality is that my only true option for help is online, I am seeking advice for moving forward.
Please help! Any advice is welcome!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Helen

We can't give medical advice here so we can't be of much use in that department but you will find lots of support

I have no idea what my blood pressure was doing when I quit drinking but I imagine it was elevated somewhat. I felt pretty awful and didn't sleep well for nearly 2 weeks and I had really bad night sweats. Other than that I was okay. Are you on medication for your hypertension? Is there not a doctor you could ask advice from on the telephone?

There is a lot of help that is available online these days. I think you can attend online AA meetings as well as SMART recovery meetings and there are meetings held here in the chat rooms. I hope that you can find something that suits your timezone. There are plenty of books on alcoholism that can help too. There is a method called AVRT which promotes self reliance and doesn't require meeting attendance, and I always found it helpful myself reading about other people's personal stories. Glad you are here x

helenwulfgar

Thank you!
Yes, I was put on meds for my hypertension. It was a struggle- most wouldn't because of my weight (normal), age, and alcohol abuse. I'm hoping the meds will keep the hypertension from reaching a critical level during withdrawal.
Thank you for the resources. I honestly thought I could do this on my own with just my fiancé's support...but it's turning out a lot harder than I believed.

Ghostlight

Hello and welcome.

I can relate. I joined here over five years ago, and have been sober for two and a half. Took me awhile.
Wanted you to know that you never have to drink again. I'm doing it, and I was a very serious drinker.
Just don't take that first drink. That's what works for me. I could never quit at one, and seriously wondered why anyone would want to. I had to find out the hard way.

Glad you're here and post as often as you like.

Best to you.

Dee74

Hi Helen - welcome

all I can tell you is I didn't seek medical support - and I'm really sorry I didn't.

I really think the most precious thing we have is our health - I think it's worth going that extra mile - whatever that might be.

D

least

Is there no possible way you could get medical help for the withdrawal? If you're on four days it should be easing up soon. If you feel the slightest bit bad, please call for help.

As far as stopping goes, you've got SR as a valuable resource. I stay sober with the help of this site and my counselor. And I used to think I was hopeless, but I wasn't. Neither are you.

You can do this!

helenwulfgar

I've actually considered of ways to go out to get help- telling my work that I have some sort of medical emergency (which I do) and just funding it with a credit card and worrying about bills later. It might be the best step for my health.

I know I can never have that first drink again. It's why I failed to gain sobriety three years ago. My plan back then to "not be an alcoholic" was simply to cut back and drink in moderation. Failed miserably. I was going to allow myself 1 beer...but then after that beer, I was still sober, feeling fine...so why not two? Two never hurt anyone. Well, after that second one, I was still sober, feeling fine- it was only 8 pm. Three was perfectly normal. After all, I know plenty of people who drink three beers a day. And then I'd be waiting for my fiancé to leave or take a shower...and then run to the fridge to down that fourth beer. Five if I had time. And then I'd look around and try to find examples of people I knew were "worse than me" at drinking, and since they were older and still okay, I was okay as well. I didn't need support groups. I could do this on my own- but only if I was ready (and I put timelines in my head. Maybe when I was 35? Nah, 40 should be okay).

I already know I won't be able to stop after one. Took a friend dying of alcoholism at 43 and another having multiple heart surgeries at 28 to finally consider the idea of actually stopping, and then finally doing it after I was told point blank that I could not drink anymore and finally listening.

So here's to 4 days...and support willing, many more.