angry but grateful...i can't drink like other people
 

Finally made it to 4 months! Longest sober time ever!!!

Just went out to a family birthday dinner at a restaurant the other night & it was HARD :( i wasn't scared i would drink at dinner, but watching everyone else drink actually made me quite anxious and angry to be honest. Angry at myself for not being able to "drink like other people"...but realizing that their casual 1 or 2 margarita's...would have paled in comparison to the 4-6 i would have had with dinner & don't forget the shots i would have had as well. I would have been drunk before the meal was over (and i'm sure embarrasing my husband and kids). I wanted to leave 10 minutes after arriving but couldn't. I was grateful however to be able to read my 5 yr old a bedtime story when we got home from dinner as this is something i rarely did while drinking.

Ahh the good & bad days...mood...etc...it's like a rollarcoaster & i'm just hanging on to the promise that it will get better. I still think about drinking all the time...so glad i haven't listened to my dumb drinking thoughts!!! :gaah

It will get better jstar :)
Congratulations on 4 months :)

D

4 months is fantastic jstar. I totally feel your pain as I'm feeling those angry, resentful thoughts too. At the moment. It's like PMS but for alcohol. Mood swings personified.

Anyway great stuff on your milestone

S x

Angry at myself for not being able to "drink like other people".. ?

Do not be angry, have pity for them because they HAVE to drink. Change your thoughts .

I Felt like you until I realised what they are actually doing and how cool it is not be doing what the masses are doing.

Well done on 4 months.

Congratulations on 4 months Jstar :) That's awesome :a122:

I agree with DarkDays on this one. I frequently walk around at parties saying in my head 'I'm glad I don't have to drink anymore'. I say frequently but I avoid parties these days unless it is going to be guaranteed fun and I won't sit there thinking I wish I was drunk just so I could tolerate this... That said though the angry phase is probably pretty much unavoidable. It's part of the process and will get better x

Each day brings the promise of better days ahead. I know that as long as I don't pick up a drink, things will continue to get better! Posting here is a great way to remind myself that I am not alone in this.

Well done for being sober so long. I'm currently not and I'm finding it really difficult to break the cycle of drinking. I'm envious of your four month stint, I've never been sober anywhere near that amount of time and I hope that one day I will be. Here's to the future.

one thing I had to do is get a different pair of glasses. when I got them, I saw that not everyone drinks alcohol with their meals. actually, I started seeint hat theres a whole lotta people that don't even drink!

AndiP...It is a PROCESS. it's taken me quite some time (like a couple years)to get to 4 months. I'd have a few days, weeks, a month...but I always got caught up in the "I wish I could" ...which led me many places I didn't have to go. The only other time I've been sober this long was from end of July- November last year which I started in Rehab for 30 days & ended in the hospital- almost dead from mixing liquor and pills and overdosing. This disease of alcoholism is dangerous. ..fatal even. I can say that this last 4 months I've done things differently than before. I attend AA meetings, I have a sponsor and I am working through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to help clear the wreckage of my thoughts & behavior. All that probably seems like too much at the beginning. So I started with this: just dont drink for the next 2 hours. That got me through the first days and it gets me through my day now sometimes as well. Support is key to this process. ..you do not have to do this alone! I'm so very glad you are here :)