Off the radar for a bit, with reason.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
Off the radar for a bit, with reason.
Hi all,
I've been AWOL for a while, you probably know why and what I've been doing. When I first joined here a few months ago,I was upset my partner had moved out. He blamed the booze, turns out he was sleeping with one if my oldest friends. That info certainly sent me backwards and I have drank and drank some more. It's been about 4 weeks now, the drinking isn't making it any better, funnily enough, and the time for change is upon me again. I've managed to retain my job somehow, my kids are still speaking to me, just, so I've got some stuff to live for. I'm just totally devestated. We havnt had the easiest relationship and we've both been with other people when seperated, but we have never cheated on each other. Or so I thought. And her, wow, don't get me started! We've been friends since high school, flatted together, 22 years of friendship. I kinda lost it this weekend while drunk and rang her up and threatened all kinds of wrath on her ass. Pretty dumb and pointless but finally the anger got hold of me and I let loose.
Anyway folks I'm just venting and trying to make the first step in reconnecting with my sober peeps. I don't want to carry on the way I have been and you guys always have the best advice and ability to comfort. Ill take both, gratefully. Xxx
I've been AWOL for a while, you probably know why and what I've been doing. When I first joined here a few months ago,I was upset my partner had moved out. He blamed the booze, turns out he was sleeping with one if my oldest friends. That info certainly sent me backwards and I have drank and drank some more. It's been about 4 weeks now, the drinking isn't making it any better, funnily enough, and the time for change is upon me again. I've managed to retain my job somehow, my kids are still speaking to me, just, so I've got some stuff to live for. I'm just totally devestated. We havnt had the easiest relationship and we've both been with other people when seperated, but we have never cheated on each other. Or so I thought. And her, wow, don't get me started! We've been friends since high school, flatted together, 22 years of friendship. I kinda lost it this weekend while drunk and rang her up and threatened all kinds of wrath on her ass. Pretty dumb and pointless but finally the anger got hold of me and I let loose.
Anyway folks I'm just venting and trying to make the first step in reconnecting with my sober peeps. I don't want to carry on the way I have been and you guys always have the best advice and ability to comfort. Ill take both, gratefully. Xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
Hey dee, thanks. Drinking at people is a good way to put it. No one else is hurt but me and my kids. I figure it can't get any worse so ill be ok. Thanks heaps for quick reply, I'm sure you know I needed it x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I understand if thats any comfort.
I totally agree if with Dee too.
In fact its been my experience that the better you get yourself sorted out, the stronger mentally you become. There is nothing more of a slap in the face for the cheating partner than you getting yourself together and doing well.
Even if you don't feel it on the inside yet, you will look it on the outside.
I've been in a similar situation to you.
My drinking was used as a reason we never went out or went on holiday.
Maybe a bit of that was true, but it turned out the real reason was all the debt he had got himself in and kept secret from me.
He had an affair and left me for a while, 3 months after I had our baby.
Again, although not drinking related as such as I was pregnant, I was blamed.
I think its really low to se someone's addiction/disease as a reason for cheating/leaving/unhappy relationship, when actually another person is involved. It is cruel.
At least now you can make fresh start.
Stop for you, rather than him and his false objections to your drinking.
I missed you.
Don't be a stranger.
Keep coming here every day. It is the only way that has worked for me.
My best
x
I totally agree if with Dee too.
In fact its been my experience that the better you get yourself sorted out, the stronger mentally you become. There is nothing more of a slap in the face for the cheating partner than you getting yourself together and doing well.
Even if you don't feel it on the inside yet, you will look it on the outside.
I've been in a similar situation to you.
My drinking was used as a reason we never went out or went on holiday.
Maybe a bit of that was true, but it turned out the real reason was all the debt he had got himself in and kept secret from me.
He had an affair and left me for a while, 3 months after I had our baby.
Again, although not drinking related as such as I was pregnant, I was blamed.
I think its really low to se someone's addiction/disease as a reason for cheating/leaving/unhappy relationship, when actually another person is involved. It is cruel.
At least now you can make fresh start.
Stop for you, rather than him and his false objections to your drinking.
I missed you.
Don't be a stranger.
Keep coming here every day. It is the only way that has worked for me.
My best
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
My god sasha , you made me cry with your heartfelt honesty and empathy. Thank you so much, you total sweetheart. I am going to do it ,I am going to be amazing. I can't wait to talk to you again. Thank you from the bottom if my heart. X
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Seiceps,
A betrayal like you have experienced is extremely painful. Despair, rage, confusion, are all pretty appropriate emotions for you to be feeling, you are human after all, and you are grieving a loss. But drinking...no, drinking only hurts you and you've been hurt enough my dear.
I know the feeling of pain so raw that I thought surely I would die from it. It sounds so flippant to say that this will pass, but eventually it will. The booze, the pain, leave it all behind and don't look back.
A betrayal like you have experienced is extremely painful. Despair, rage, confusion, are all pretty appropriate emotions for you to be feeling, you are human after all, and you are grieving a loss. But drinking...no, drinking only hurts you and you've been hurt enough my dear.
I know the feeling of pain so raw that I thought surely I would die from it. It sounds so flippant to say that this will pass, but eventually it will. The booze, the pain, leave it all behind and don't look back.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Its okay sweetie.
I was all over the place with my feelings. Some days I thought I was doing great, then I would have a hideous day, out of the blue, from nowhere that really shocked me.
Start again.
Come here when you need to.
Perhaps change your surroundings to the ones your in when you usually drink?
For me, I got in bed, read on my laptop, had some warm milk.
Usually I sat on the sofa, glass in hand, in front of the television watching mindless rubbish.
Or find something to read.
How much nicer will it be falling asleep sober in your cosy bed, than passing out drunk on the sofa?
I am glad you came here, I really am. I don't want you to disappear again. We understand here.
My best to you
x
You can do this I know you can.
I was all over the place with my feelings. Some days I thought I was doing great, then I would have a hideous day, out of the blue, from nowhere that really shocked me.
Start again.
Come here when you need to.
Perhaps change your surroundings to the ones your in when you usually drink?
For me, I got in bed, read on my laptop, had some warm milk.
Usually I sat on the sofa, glass in hand, in front of the television watching mindless rubbish.
Or find something to read.
How much nicer will it be falling asleep sober in your cosy bed, than passing out drunk on the sofa?
I am glad you came here, I really am. I don't want you to disappear again. We understand here.
My best to you
x
You can do this I know you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
Hi sasha, thanks again , the kindness of others really does help. I managed two weeks a few months ago and it was good. Right now I have the flu and I'm still pretty ill from my bender on the weekend. Managed to drink all weekend, no food. I'm still feeling nauseous from that, so I know tomorrow will be better at least physically. And I'm pretty sure my ex doesn't have anymore surprises for me so the processing can begin.
Today he came over to drop off some info for our daughters school science fair project. When I came home from work , completely shattered, I saw he had cleaned up the kitchen for me. I just bawled my eyes out Bc he did something nice for me. And I missed him like hell. Then feel stupid Bc I shouldn't. It's a crazy way to feel. Sorry for going on, it's good for me to get it out. Thanks for listening and caring.
Today he came over to drop off some info for our daughters school science fair project. When I came home from work , completely shattered, I saw he had cleaned up the kitchen for me. I just bawled my eyes out Bc he did something nice for me. And I missed him like hell. Then feel stupid Bc I shouldn't. It's a crazy way to feel. Sorry for going on, it's good for me to get it out. Thanks for listening and caring.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
And so he should clean your kitchen after the way he has behaved!! Send him round to my too and he can hoover my stairs!!!
I'm only kidding. Just trying to put a smile on your face.
Be strong hunnie.
I'm thinking of you.
My best
x
I'm only kidding. Just trying to put a smile on your face.
Be strong hunnie.
I'm thinking of you.
My best
x
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I had a simliar situation Seiceps. I joined almost one year ago to the date, and had roughly 45 days off before I thought I could most likely moderate again. By mid summer I was back to daily drinking and by the end of the year heavy daily drinking. The good news is you have a chance to make things right. I got back on board on Jan 5 and i've been sober since. SR works if you let it, don't be a stranger anymore!
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