Hello and how to cope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: MA
Posts: 2
Hello and how to cope.
Greetings, my name is Allen and I was never an addict, but my wife was. I'm hoping to get a few answers regarding trust and post-soberity issues.
Now, long story short, my wife was addicted to Perc 30's for about 6 months. She has gone through Detox (she actually asked for help, I had no clue until she did.) She has also been prescribed Ambien for the last 4 years, but I'll come back to that.
So as of 9/1/2012, she claims to be opiate-free (which I do believe.)
HOWEVER, after leaving Detox it seems the pill issue has gotten worse. She had subs for a few weeks, than eventually leant herself off of them and sold off the rest of her bottle. That doesn't bother me. But, her doctors packed her full of anxiety meds like klonopin, clonodine, celexa, atavan, and whatever else there is. She was also given adderol for some unknown reason. It seems they just replaced her opiate issue with benzos...
Now she does get adderol still, which she says she doesnt take any longer. I personally watched her take herself off of them, she was a mess on the bed for a weekend and told me she felt "dope sick." This was roughly 7-8 months sober from opiates.
I absolutely hate Ambien. What it does to her is absolutely crazy. I don't care she takes one for bed, for a while she would roll over 2-4 hours after taking one and take another. I've had her read articles why Ambien is terrible, and she only sets one out for herself now and makes the bottle inaccessible until morning, which makes me a little assured.
Her whole family has some sort of addiction or had one, pills, cocaine, and a mix of things (I won't name members or anything) and I do not understand the mentality. I also have no one to talk to as its not
Something to bring up at a family gathering...
So, I ask you people, who was an addict or a spouse of one, am I wrong for having trust issues. We are rebuilding what we had, and its going to be a long journey (money issues as well). I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about her, but I have never asked anyone before what to expect. She seems VERY adament about never wanting to touch Percs again, which I'm thankful for. My issue now is she is pregnant, it will be our 3rd child. She never had an issue with Percs (months before her addiction) at the hospital, and they packed her full Of them. However, it worries me it may unattentionally make her relapse...
Also with the anxiety, does that go away eventually? She told me it takes about a year, which she seems to have felt the need less for klonopins an the like.
This is mentally exhausting. I worry every time I go to work if my kids are being taken care of, shes a great mother but its always in the back on my mind, is she passed out? Is she messed up? Like I want to go
To work and have no thoughts about this matter, and I try not
Too. We got iPhones with facetime so I can see her wherever she is, she even suggested it.
Last question I promise, should I bury the skeletons already? Is it time to move on?
Thanks for reading it, I appreciate it.
Now, long story short, my wife was addicted to Perc 30's for about 6 months. She has gone through Detox (she actually asked for help, I had no clue until she did.) She has also been prescribed Ambien for the last 4 years, but I'll come back to that.
So as of 9/1/2012, she claims to be opiate-free (which I do believe.)
HOWEVER, after leaving Detox it seems the pill issue has gotten worse. She had subs for a few weeks, than eventually leant herself off of them and sold off the rest of her bottle. That doesn't bother me. But, her doctors packed her full of anxiety meds like klonopin, clonodine, celexa, atavan, and whatever else there is. She was also given adderol for some unknown reason. It seems they just replaced her opiate issue with benzos...
Now she does get adderol still, which she says she doesnt take any longer. I personally watched her take herself off of them, she was a mess on the bed for a weekend and told me she felt "dope sick." This was roughly 7-8 months sober from opiates.
I absolutely hate Ambien. What it does to her is absolutely crazy. I don't care she takes one for bed, for a while she would roll over 2-4 hours after taking one and take another. I've had her read articles why Ambien is terrible, and she only sets one out for herself now and makes the bottle inaccessible until morning, which makes me a little assured.
Her whole family has some sort of addiction or had one, pills, cocaine, and a mix of things (I won't name members or anything) and I do not understand the mentality. I also have no one to talk to as its not
Something to bring up at a family gathering...
So, I ask you people, who was an addict or a spouse of one, am I wrong for having trust issues. We are rebuilding what we had, and its going to be a long journey (money issues as well). I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about her, but I have never asked anyone before what to expect. She seems VERY adament about never wanting to touch Percs again, which I'm thankful for. My issue now is she is pregnant, it will be our 3rd child. She never had an issue with Percs (months before her addiction) at the hospital, and they packed her full Of them. However, it worries me it may unattentionally make her relapse...
Also with the anxiety, does that go away eventually? She told me it takes about a year, which she seems to have felt the need less for klonopins an the like.
This is mentally exhausting. I worry every time I go to work if my kids are being taken care of, shes a great mother but its always in the back on my mind, is she passed out? Is she messed up? Like I want to go
To work and have no thoughts about this matter, and I try not
Too. We got iPhones with facetime so I can see her wherever she is, she even suggested it.
Last question I promise, should I bury the skeletons already? Is it time to move on?
Thanks for reading it, I appreciate it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Allen
I don;t think it's wrong to have trust issues. I think it's very natural.
I think it takes time and effort - from both sides - to repair the damage an addiction can do to a relationship.
I know you'll find a lot of support and wisdom here.
I also encourage you to check out our Family and Friends forums too
D
I don;t think it's wrong to have trust issues. I think it's very natural.
I think it takes time and effort - from both sides - to repair the damage an addiction can do to a relationship.
I know you'll find a lot of support and wisdom here.
I also encourage you to check out our Family and Friends forums too
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
[/QUOTE]This is mentally exhausting. I worry every time I go to work if my kids are being taken care of, shes a great mother but its always in the back on my mind, is she passed out? Is she messed up? Like I want to go
To work and have no thoughts about this matter, and I try not
Too. We got iPhones with facetime so I can see her wherever she is, she even suggested it.
Last question I promise, should I bury the skeletons already? Is it time to move on?
Thanks for reading it, I appreciate it.[/QUOTE]
I am an addict and I abused every med I could get my hands on, anything to feel different. So personally from experience I would abuse benzos and did. Is she in NA? Have a sponsor. What route to recovery is she taking?
Other then the ambien in the middle of the night does she behave strangely. Sleeping alot, forgetful, slurring her speech, spacey. benzo abuse will do that. Confused thoughts?
Does she keep her commitments?
Is she avoiding you or dissappearing from the room every 30 min or so. Does she take her purse into the bathroom with her a lot. Does she complain of constipation. Is she sniffling a lot? have an unexplained need for money. Relational issues with family. Eyes dialated.
Can you determine if she is running out of her pills before her next doctors appt?
Hopefully she is on the level, but hope these little clues help.
To work and have no thoughts about this matter, and I try not
Too. We got iPhones with facetime so I can see her wherever she is, she even suggested it.
Last question I promise, should I bury the skeletons already? Is it time to move on?
Thanks for reading it, I appreciate it.[/QUOTE]
I am an addict and I abused every med I could get my hands on, anything to feel different. So personally from experience I would abuse benzos and did. Is she in NA? Have a sponsor. What route to recovery is she taking?
Other then the ambien in the middle of the night does she behave strangely. Sleeping alot, forgetful, slurring her speech, spacey. benzo abuse will do that. Confused thoughts?
Does she keep her commitments?
Is she avoiding you or dissappearing from the room every 30 min or so. Does she take her purse into the bathroom with her a lot. Does she complain of constipation. Is she sniffling a lot? have an unexplained need for money. Relational issues with family. Eyes dialated.
Can you determine if she is running out of her pills before her next doctors appt?
Hopefully she is on the level, but hope these little clues help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: MA
Posts: 2
She does have constipation a lot, but she had gastric bypass about 4 years ago (about the ambien time, from my understanding rapid weight loss makes you sleep terribly and have a hard time using the bathroom).
She doesn't disappear into different rooms, she doesn't hide her scripts, she tells me what she gets and how many. I know I shouldn't say this but she does sell some of her scripts, adderol, some klonopins (what she doesn't use), ect. I don't watch her like a hawk and I don't feel I need to. We went to her first NA meeting together, and it was enjoyable. We rarely can find a babysitter for 2 kids so we don't go to meetings. Thats one of the reasons I came here, I wanted to ask questions but not feel out of place because I never experienced addiction.
As far as commitments, yes she keeps them. If I need a ride because my car broke down or whatever, shes there. She does small errands while I'm at work for me. Shes always on time to pick up our daughter from school. So yes, she does what she needs to on a daily basis.
She doesn't slur often if at all, except when the baby has been up all night. I understand this as I have as well. Her being newly pregnant doesn't help, as she now gets tired more often.
Her eyes are huge at times! I mention it all the time but its usually at night/later in the day as the sun begins to set or after an argument I notice it. She has light sensitive eyes, she has since I met her though.
As far as sniffling, I say more than normal but not excessively. Its has been cold here in Massachusetts a lot so far this year and she catches what the kids catch.
Like I THINK shes sober/on the right track, but I always have a feeling something isn't quite right. She tells me her Dr.'s makes her take a drug test prior to refilling scripts, but I don't go so I don't know if its true or not.
Anyways, thanks for the tips!
She doesn't disappear into different rooms, she doesn't hide her scripts, she tells me what she gets and how many. I know I shouldn't say this but she does sell some of her scripts, adderol, some klonopins (what she doesn't use), ect. I don't watch her like a hawk and I don't feel I need to. We went to her first NA meeting together, and it was enjoyable. We rarely can find a babysitter for 2 kids so we don't go to meetings. Thats one of the reasons I came here, I wanted to ask questions but not feel out of place because I never experienced addiction.
As far as commitments, yes she keeps them. If I need a ride because my car broke down or whatever, shes there. She does small errands while I'm at work for me. Shes always on time to pick up our daughter from school. So yes, she does what she needs to on a daily basis.
She doesn't slur often if at all, except when the baby has been up all night. I understand this as I have as well. Her being newly pregnant doesn't help, as she now gets tired more often.
Her eyes are huge at times! I mention it all the time but its usually at night/later in the day as the sun begins to set or after an argument I notice it. She has light sensitive eyes, she has since I met her though.
As far as sniffling, I say more than normal but not excessively. Its has been cold here in Massachusetts a lot so far this year and she catches what the kids catch.
Like I THINK shes sober/on the right track, but I always have a feeling something isn't quite right. She tells me her Dr.'s makes her take a drug test prior to refilling scripts, but I don't go so I don't know if its true or not.
Anyways, thanks for the tips!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
Welcome!
Gosh, I am tired just reading your posts about all your concerns. If you have a gut feeling something is wrong, then go with it. In my opinion, gut feelings can save your life, so pay attention to it.
I hope that you continue seeking support for yourself.
Gosh, I am tired just reading your posts about all your concerns. If you have a gut feeling something is wrong, then go with it. In my opinion, gut feelings can save your life, so pay attention to it.
I hope that you continue seeking support for yourself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
We have a forum here just for your problem. Take a look at it and post your questions there for more insight.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Yah My hubby is also an addict and I just had a feeling he was when I found out. He wasn't able to stretch the money for bills etc and was borrowing a lot of money. Hopefully your wife is doing well and it's just hormonal changes.
But if there is two of you, you should watch the kids for 2 hours while she goes to the meetings a few times a week. If she was working a program at one time and is no longer doing that, that would be a red flag to me. I know if I am not going to meetings that my attitude gets bad and I am no longer spiritually fit and then the thoughts sneak in. Thoughts of using. And If I get that far a drink or drug is not far away. I'd encouarge her to get back to meetings and make it easy for her.
But if there is two of you, you should watch the kids for 2 hours while she goes to the meetings a few times a week. If she was working a program at one time and is no longer doing that, that would be a red flag to me. I know if I am not going to meetings that my attitude gets bad and I am no longer spiritually fit and then the thoughts sneak in. Thoughts of using. And If I get that far a drink or drug is not far away. I'd encouarge her to get back to meetings and make it easy for her.
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