Hello everyone
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Hello everyone
I thought perhaps now was the time to say hi. I have been lurking around on and off for a while now, reading about other people's experiences. But it's only recently I've started to talk more about my experiences with some trusted friends, and I'm a bit more inspired to become more active here also.
At the moment I'm on Day 5 of a 3-week experiment to not drink by myself, which already has been a struggle, but with the support of 2 good friends has gone much easier than it has in the past. It is a big change for me, since I haven't been completely honest without anyone about my drinking in the past. But I took what felt like a huge risk, and found that actually these people didn't judge me for it or reject me, and I found a strong sense of support, calm, acceptance, even love... not just between us, but for myself also.
Hearing myself say "I've tried to stop but haven't been able to" was probably the most honest I've been about anything my whole life, not just with other people but also with myself.
At the moment I'm on Day 5 of a 3-week experiment to not drink by myself, which already has been a struggle, but with the support of 2 good friends has gone much easier than it has in the past. It is a big change for me, since I haven't been completely honest without anyone about my drinking in the past. But I took what felt like a huge risk, and found that actually these people didn't judge me for it or reject me, and I found a strong sense of support, calm, acceptance, even love... not just between us, but for myself also.
Hearing myself say "I've tried to stop but haven't been able to" was probably the most honest I've been about anything my whole life, not just with other people but also with myself.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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At the moment I want to stop drinking by myself, since that is when I do most of the drinking. And I've said to myself I'll only drink 1-2 times a week with other people. It's possible this experiment fails (or is just extremely difficult), and if it does, then abstinence becomes a real option.
I think it's better to exhaust these opportunities early, rather than going for abstinence and then wondering if I might be able to handle a night of drinking without any problems later
I think it's better to exhaust these opportunities early, rather than going for abstinence and then wondering if I might be able to handle a night of drinking without any problems later
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
You will find support here whether you are actively drinking, or not. Experimenting, or controlled drinking was never an option for me. It is impossible in my life. Others will come along with open arms and words from their experiences. Please keep posting. I'm glad that you found SR.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
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Hi, LuxAeterna. Welcome to SR!
I was also a "lonely drinker". I was balancing somewhere on the borderline between what is considerate to be "controlled" and "uncontrolled" drinking.
Maybe, give your sobriety some longer shot, one month, 3 months? I used to stay away from wine for 3 weeks, even 3 months, but when I believed I was ok, things were gradually slipping out of my control again.
Anyway, glad you have found us.
Hang in here and keep posting.
I was also a "lonely drinker". I was balancing somewhere on the borderline between what is considerate to be "controlled" and "uncontrolled" drinking.
Maybe, give your sobriety some longer shot, one month, 3 months? I used to stay away from wine for 3 weeks, even 3 months, but when I believed I was ok, things were gradually slipping out of my control again.
Anyway, glad you have found us.
Hang in here and keep posting.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 31
Thanks Mizz and Midnight.
I might be saying exactly the same as you, Mizzuno, after 3 weeks or longer. At the moment my options are open, and that might have to change as I learn more about myself.
Hi Midnight. I chose three weeks because I wanted a good understanding of what feelings were driving my urge to drink. I had read that recently sober people often had difficulties identifying and understanding feelings, but after 3 weeks or so there is a big improvement. So it should be long enough for that, but also short enough that it is easier to commit to at this stage. I would say there is a very high chance that the 3 weeks is extended significantly once the time is up.
Thanks for welcoming me here
I might be saying exactly the same as you, Mizzuno, after 3 weeks or longer. At the moment my options are open, and that might have to change as I learn more about myself.
Hi Midnight. I chose three weeks because I wanted a good understanding of what feelings were driving my urge to drink. I had read that recently sober people often had difficulties identifying and understanding feelings, but after 3 weeks or so there is a big improvement. So it should be long enough for that, but also short enough that it is easier to commit to at this stage. I would say there is a very high chance that the 3 weeks is extended significantly once the time is up.
Thanks for welcoming me here
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by LuxAeterna 
Thanks Mizz and Midnight.
I might be saying exactly the same as you, Mizzuno, after 3 weeks or longer. At the moment my options are open, and that might have to change as I learn more about myself.
Hi Midnight. I chose three weeks because I wanted a good understanding of what feelings were driving my urge to drink. I had read that recently sober people often had difficulties identifying and understanding feelings, but after 3 weeks or so there is a big improvement. So it should be long enough for that, but also short enough that it is easier to commit to at this stage. I would say there is a very high chance that the 3 weeks is extended significantly once the time is up.
Thanks for welcoming me here
I might be saying exactly the same as you, Mizzuno, after 3 weeks or longer. At the moment my options are open, and that might have to change as I learn more about myself.
Hi Midnight. I chose three weeks because I wanted a good understanding of what feelings were driving my urge to drink. I had read that recently sober people often had difficulties identifying and understanding feelings, but after 3 weeks or so there is a big improvement. So it should be long enough for that, but also short enough that it is easier to commit to at this stage. I would say there is a very high chance that the 3 weeks is extended significantly once the time is up.
Thanks for welcoming me here
Good Morning or Evening,
I am sure that with three weeks you will begin to see and know what is going on. I want to let you know that a lot of individuals here have experienced a low, or slight edginess around 2 to 3 weeks. So, I think that they may have been feeling slightly worse, and needing an extra dose of support. ( I hope others will chime in here?) I am not sure if that is an improved state. We are all so different. The three weeks for me was an improvement, but I really screwed things up, and anything was an improvement from where I had put myself.
I like the idea of giving it 90 days, and going from there. We are here no matter what, and if the experiment does not go as planned please do not feel ashamed, and not post onto this forum. This site is not about judgement. Will you let us know how the three weeks is going?
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Hi Mizz,
Thanks again for your input. I will bear in mind the low edginess around 2-3 weeks and hopefully see it as a source for further growth. However I am grateful for the forum here for some extra support if needed
I have been keeping a diary, which is important for me, but lacks the human interaction. Do you think daily updates to this thread are useful, or is there a better way to share my experiences here?
I appreciate your advice about a longer experiment. I am feeling impossibly stubborn on my decision though, which is probably because at the moment I have to be in order not run straight to the shop just for one I think I will find it easier to commit to a longer period after the 3 weeks because I will have experienced more of the benefits of not drinking and it will seem from the outset a more achievable goal. I already like the idea much more than I did when I decided on only 3 weeks
Thanks again for your input. I will bear in mind the low edginess around 2-3 weeks and hopefully see it as a source for further growth. However I am grateful for the forum here for some extra support if needed
I have been keeping a diary, which is important for me, but lacks the human interaction. Do you think daily updates to this thread are useful, or is there a better way to share my experiences here?
I appreciate your advice about a longer experiment. I am feeling impossibly stubborn on my decision though, which is probably because at the moment I have to be in order not run straight to the shop just for one
I think I will find it easier to commit to a longer period after the 3 weeks because I will have experienced more of the benefits of not drinking and it will seem from the outset a more achievable goal. I already like the idea much more than I did when I decided on only 3 weeks Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
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I found that posting here daily really helped me out. I really do understand how making a large commitment seems daunting. We all need to take our road in a way that feels comfortable for us. So, if you would like to post on here daily, and make a few friends that is great. We are here for support. There are plenty of people to talk to if things start to feel awkward upstairs. You are doing a fabulous thing for yourself.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR LuxAeterna
I wanted to do what you are attempting but somehow just never did. I just kept drinking until complete abstinence became a necessity. I think keeping a diary is an excellent idea. I really wish I was able to look back on my thoughts around that time. Glad you're here x
I wanted to do what you are attempting but somehow just never did. I just kept drinking until complete abstinence became a necessity. I think keeping a diary is an excellent idea. I really wish I was able to look back on my thoughts around that time. Glad you're here x
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Thanks for making me feel so welcome here. I will definitely visit and post regularly
How easy/difficult is it usually for people to come to terms that they have a drinking problem? I have been posting here quite a lot today, but sometimes have felt myself to be in a bit of a dream/fuzzy-head-state, if that makes sense. I have been a secret drinker for the most part and talking about these problems is a big thing for me (even on an internet forum).
How easy/difficult is it usually for people to come to terms that they have a drinking problem? I have been posting here quite a lot today, but sometimes have felt myself to be in a bit of a dream/fuzzy-head-state, if that makes sense. I have been a secret drinker for the most part and talking about these problems is a big thing for me (even on an internet forum).
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Hi Lux, I'm kinda where you're at right now - and am currently counting the days I "keep my **** together" 
. I'm currently on day 8 of actively trying to control my drink. I'm a nasty drunk and blackout and don't remember any of it the morning after - its awful. I'm 32 and have been like this for as long as I can remember - I don't get blind drunk everytime but have managed to have 'psychoSar' out once a week for the last 8 weeks - 8 days ago I promised myself never again. It's early days and I spend alot of time on here and reading about alcohol addiction and so far so good. I know my hubbys noticed and is happy I'm taking this seriously this time! I guess we all have our story's here and I wish you all the best xx
. I'm currently on day 8 of actively trying to control my drink. I'm a nasty drunk and blackout and don't remember any of it the morning after - its awful. I'm 32 and have been like this for as long as I can remember - I don't get blind drunk everytime but have managed to have 'psychoSar' out once a week for the last 8 weeks - 8 days ago I promised myself never again. It's early days and I spend alot of time on here and reading about alcohol addiction and so far so good. I know my hubbys noticed and is happy I'm taking this seriously this time! I guess we all have our story's here and I wish you all the best xx
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Originally Posted by LuxAeterna
How easy/difficult is it usually for people to come to terms that they have a drinking problem?
But it was such a big thing for me. I think it's good to 'practise' talking about it to others. Phone a helpline or AA. I found speaking to people out loud about it helped clarify it for me.
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Hello Sarah, congrats on getting to day 8! I just woke up to day 6 and this week will be tough! I'm 32 also, which for me is a kind of 'enough already' age. I haven't been blacking out for a long time, but I have been drinking much more by myself than I used to. I have held down jobs and the like, which some say is lucky, but I say just makes coming to terms with the situation more difficult.
Hi hypo, glad to find someone else whose drinking had been a 'dirty little secret'. It hadn't always been that way for me. I remember in my late teens and early 20s it was no secret (except perhaps to my parents). I think as I started to drink more by myself, I hid that from other people (and myself) very well. I will take your advice on practising talking about it to others. I might be a sensitive soul because sometimes I'm convinced I'm going to burst into tears in front of other people when these things are on my mind... and being a guy, well I don't think many people want to see that
I'll be checking back here often. Today will be busy, so apologies if I don't reply as soon as I would like!
Hi hypo, glad to find someone else whose drinking had been a 'dirty little secret'. It hadn't always been that way for me. I remember in my late teens and early 20s it was no secret (except perhaps to my parents). I think as I started to drink more by myself, I hid that from other people (and myself) very well. I will take your advice on practising talking about it to others. I might be a sensitive soul because sometimes I'm convinced I'm going to burst into tears in front of other people when these things are on my mind... and being a guy, well I don't think many people want to see that
I'll be checking back here often. Today will be busy, so apologies if I don't reply as soon as I would like!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: southern Oregon
Posts: 365
Hello, Lux,
I think experimenting is a great way to start. I did an experiment of taking a year off of drinking any alcohol, then another time I did 6 months. I found a lot of benefits I didn't expect, and also found I could actually live without it.
That hidden drive to drink is very strong, though, and I do have to fight it now and again. This time I am over 2 months sober. I'm reading the book called "Rational Recovery" and it really has opened my eyes to what we're really fighting against.
I wish you good luck and peace through your personal journey. I know your experiment will produce positive effects, and it might take a few "experiments" to decide that's a better way of life. Your body will thank you, at least, for any break you give it in the meantime!
Keep posting, that seems to help, too. You'll find a lot of us are just like you!
Have a great night, get some rest.....
~Peace,
Heartfan
I think experimenting is a great way to start. I did an experiment of taking a year off of drinking any alcohol, then another time I did 6 months. I found a lot of benefits I didn't expect, and also found I could actually live without it.
That hidden drive to drink is very strong, though, and I do have to fight it now and again. This time I am over 2 months sober. I'm reading the book called "Rational Recovery" and it really has opened my eyes to what we're really fighting against.
I wish you good luck and peace through your personal journey. I know your experiment will produce positive effects, and it might take a few "experiments" to decide that's a better way of life. Your body will thank you, at least, for any break you give it in the meantime!
Keep posting, that seems to help, too. You'll find a lot of us are just like you!
Have a great night, get some rest.....
~Peace,
Heartfan
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Hi Lux! We're so glad you've joined us.
SR really helped me figure out what to do about my drinking. I never thought I could let go of it entirely, but I found the courage to do that by reading & posting here. I hope you'll find the support you're looking for.
SR really helped me figure out what to do about my drinking. I never thought I could let go of it entirely, but I found the courage to do that by reading & posting here. I hope you'll find the support you're looking for.
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Hi HeartFan, I appreciate your confidence in the experiment side of things. It is working for me also, though of course these are early days. I have enjoyed being sober much more than I had expected, and despite some life challenges (including 3 hours sleep last night and an exam today which I was cramming for all day) I left the exam hall, had a short walk, bought some nice food, and now I'm home and cooking... I haven't even felt like drinking today, despite walking past plenty of people who were drinking in the park.
The one downside to this, is that there is some uncertainty. I still don't know if I will try to drink occassionally. I don't know if I will have a personal competition to be holding the same glass of wine at the beginning and end of a party. I don't know if a dream of an alcohol-free life can come true. I don't know how my friends will respond. I don't know if I will have new friends. I know that is all life, but still it would be nice to know a bit more about where I need to go.
Hi Hevyn. The more I read and post, and the further I get in my experiment, the more I get used to the idea that I could let go of drinking entirely too. I never thought I could at the start either. It just wasn't an option to let go completely. Now I see that it's a choice that I can make. That is empowering
The one downside to this, is that there is some uncertainty. I still don't know if I will try to drink occassionally. I don't know if I will have a personal competition to be holding the same glass of wine at the beginning and end of a party. I don't know if a dream of an alcohol-free life can come true. I don't know how my friends will respond. I don't know if I will have new friends. I know that is all life, but still it would be nice to know a bit more about where I need to go.
Hi Hevyn. The more I read and post, and the further I get in my experiment, the more I get used to the idea that I could let go of drinking entirely too. I never thought I could at the start either. It just wasn't an option to let go completely. Now I see that it's a choice that I can make. That is empowering
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Join Date: May 2013
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Hi Lux, I can see where you're coming from - in the last 9 days I've been trying to figure 'me' out more - prodding certain feelings and trying new things. I've been to the pub twice this weekend and normally my hubby would drive and I would neck wine and buy more on the way home and get smashed but this time I offered to drive home so I could only have the one. I have never believed that I could enjoy the pub without getting smashed but I really have - whilst I'm finding my feet with this I am also coming to the idea that maybe alcahol really does add nothing to my life?! Well nothing good anyways, and I defo don't miss the eternal tiredness that comes with drinking wine the night before
I'm glad to hear you're doing we'll with your experiment and will catch you again soon
I'm glad to hear you're doing we'll with your experiment and will catch you again soon
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Hey Sarah, congrats on enjoying the pub without getting smashed! A few weeks ago I had just one beer with a friend, and we talked for a few hours without drinking more. I'm still trying to work out if that is something I can consistently do. I think I have to be so conscious around alcohol, so aware of what my intentions are and make the decision again and again to feel instead of drink, that only time will tell if that is possible for me
I know there have been times in the past when I haven't done that, and then I'm back to drinking 6 beers everyday without any idea how I got there. The thing that is different for me this time, is that I have confided in some trusted friends about my problem, I have told them about my plan, and it feels much easier to face the world when I have that kind of support.
I get what you mean about whether alcohol adds anything to life. I'm asking myself the same. I used to think that people who didn't drink were boring or no fun. And of course that is just part of some deluded reasoning to keep drinking. But now I see no alcohol as an interesting and potentially fun lifestyle choice. I love having a clear head, I love having friends who accept me for my flaws, I love not worrying about money anymore, and I'm learning to love this new energy (I just have to find things to do with it!!). And I love the feeling of being much more in control of my life.
I know there have been times in the past when I haven't done that, and then I'm back to drinking 6 beers everyday without any idea how I got there. The thing that is different for me this time, is that I have confided in some trusted friends about my problem, I have told them about my plan, and it feels much easier to face the world when I have that kind of support.
I get what you mean about whether alcohol adds anything to life. I'm asking myself the same. I used to think that people who didn't drink were boring or no fun. And of course that is just part of some deluded reasoning to keep drinking. But now I see no alcohol as an interesting and potentially fun lifestyle choice. I love having a clear head, I love having friends who accept me for my flaws, I love not worrying about money anymore, and I'm learning to love this new energy (I just have to find things to do with it!!). And I love the feeling of being much more in control of my life.
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