Fearing The Bottle.. What an outsider could never understand.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 73
Fearing The Bottle.. What an outsider could never understand.
Hi everyone. I'm back again. I can say I've been "sober" now for almost two months but that is not to say I haven't snuck in a drink here or there.
I now realize why Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Yes it IS indeed a disease and not just some poor excuse for someone who enjoys drinking alcohol to label and feel sorry for themselves.
Through my career (HA!) of drinking this nasty evil concoction, I have steadily gone from wanting to drink to feel better, to NEEDING to drink to simply feel "normal."
I could go on and on about this but I'll just leave it at this.
Most people who have never had this disease would never understand that at least for me, I FEAR alcohol now. I don't want to go to a bar, I don't want to walk through the liquor isle of the grocery store.. I don't WANT to get that phone call from an unknowing friend to come out and have dinner (which always involves some sort of drinking.)
This fear as I call is isn't actually the fear of the drink per say.. rather fear in myself that I cannot control myself once I've had that first sip.
Again, progressively the reason why I drink has gone from wanting to feel good, and now just needing to feel normal. Unfortunately when I feel normal after drinking, my actions in the eyes of my family is nothing short of insane.
So with that I leave you with this.
Don't give up. We can all overcome this. Throughout the past two months I have failed too many times but I DO see progress being made which that alone gives me encouragement that I AM getting better.
Always remember how you normally feel the day after and how you wish you didn't even twist that cap or uncork that bottle. Use that FEAR of what will become the day after to abstain and go back to being normal human beings. Thank you for listening.
I now realize why Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Yes it IS indeed a disease and not just some poor excuse for someone who enjoys drinking alcohol to label and feel sorry for themselves.
Through my career (HA!) of drinking this nasty evil concoction, I have steadily gone from wanting to drink to feel better, to NEEDING to drink to simply feel "normal."
I could go on and on about this but I'll just leave it at this.
Most people who have never had this disease would never understand that at least for me, I FEAR alcohol now. I don't want to go to a bar, I don't want to walk through the liquor isle of the grocery store.. I don't WANT to get that phone call from an unknowing friend to come out and have dinner (which always involves some sort of drinking.)
This fear as I call is isn't actually the fear of the drink per say.. rather fear in myself that I cannot control myself once I've had that first sip.
Again, progressively the reason why I drink has gone from wanting to feel good, and now just needing to feel normal. Unfortunately when I feel normal after drinking, my actions in the eyes of my family is nothing short of insane.
So with that I leave you with this.
Don't give up. We can all overcome this. Throughout the past two months I have failed too many times but I DO see progress being made which that alone gives me encouragement that I AM getting better.
Always remember how you normally feel the day after and how you wish you didn't even twist that cap or uncork that bottle. Use that FEAR of what will become the day after to abstain and go back to being normal human beings. Thank you for listening.
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
Iam not afraid of alcohol never was that's why I became an alcoholic! iam afraid of what it can and has done to my life! I think a healthy fear of alcohol is good but not wanting to walk down an isle because alcohol is there seems a bit too much, I mean alcohol made my prisoner when drinking I defiantly don't want to be a prisoner whilst sober! I am free to go and do what ever I want just not drinking!
PS- I like the name by the way it made me laugh!
PS- I like the name by the way it made me laugh!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by Lionhearted1 
Iam not afraid of alcohol never was that's why I became an alcoholic! iam afraid of what it can and has done to my life! I think a healthy fear of alcohol is good but not wanting to walk down an isle because alcohol is there seems a bit too much, I mean alcohol made my prisoner when drinking I defiantly don't want to be a prisoner whilst sober! I am free to go and do what ever I want just not drinking!
Exactly goes back to my point of progressive disease.
I didn't always fear it, I just fear it now.
Everyone has a different (although usually similar) story to tell. Only thing that matters however is that the ending is the same for all.. a happy clean one
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