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Old 05-24-2013, 07:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Okay.. Needing encouragement!


Family is coming tomorrow and staying for a week. I'm getting REALLY nervous about the drinking. AV in full effect!!! I don't know if I'm going to make it through... I WANT to. I feel I HAVE to. Okay guys- what do I do?? Talk me through this please!
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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If we can talk you into staying sober, you can talk yourself into staying sober. Just keep telling yourself how well you're doing and how much you want to be sober. Like a mantra in your mind, like a melody you keep hearing.

You can do this but you have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink.
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I guess if family are coming, and you cant put them off or postpone it, and you don't feel you can tell them not to drink in yr house...you're gonna really have to work yr support system ESN.

Do you have any other support besides SR?

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Old 05-24-2013, 07:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You can do this!!! I did it tonight. Think about how good you will feel tomorrow! Just keep coming on here....take your phone to the other room for a quick post if need be.
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EverySngleNight View Post
Family is coming tomorrow and staying for a week. I'm getting REALLY nervous about the drinking. AV in full effect!!! I don't know if I'm going to make it through... I WANT to. I feel I HAVE to. Okay guys- what do I do?? Talk me through this please!
Dear EverysngleNight

Think of the self respect you will have if you fight back and win......
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I used to get bummed about seeing my family - I couldn't drink as much with them around. I never saw them as a trigger, just the opposite in fact.

You seem to be saying that your family drinks a lot together, and they have no idea you're trying to get sober? Are they going to force you to drink? Does your mom line up shot glasses and force all the kids to slam jaeger-bombs or something? Why don't you feel you can discuss this with them?

Perhaps if you tell them that you're laying off the booze for a while, they might actually be happy to hear it.
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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They're driving 9 hours to get here and I can not cancel. Been planned for over a month, vacation time has been taken, only see them once a year- it would break their hearts. They don't drink really. Just some wine here or there. They don't know I've quit and I don't want to make it into a big thing. I really want them to enjoy their time here, and dont want to make it awkward. On the phone with mom last night, felt really stressed and triggered after the conversation and it scared me. So I popped on here to get some encouragement. It helps, really.

I got stressed because my mom was being all tense and weird... We've done a lot of work, to be able to have the relationship that we have. But, at times its very stressful for me. I have PTSD (diagnosed) from my childhood, which I've worked very hard on- but its tough when things like a tone of voice, or specific phrases, perfume- trigger a memory. It's not something one has a lot of control over. Just kinda pops up, all vivid and horrifying. I have learned coping skills and I need to practice them, rather than drink. Really??? Booze isn't solving shite, and I was traumatized by an alcoholic- so WTF am I thinking???

In the past, sitting down and having a few glasses of wine together, was kind of an ice breaker. I NEED to get through this, without self-medicating. That's EXACTLY what it is.

My plan is to just decline, for health reasons. Which IS true and I believe that I can decline. My husband and I REALLY want to have a baby but, I need to have some solid time under my belt before that's an option. Just another very good reason- in a LONG line of good reasons- not to drink. I'm dedicated- but it IS addiction and I'm not two weeks in.. I don't think- I KNOW, I'm vulnerable. I'd love to lie and say all confidently "I've got this!". But I need to stay on guard, and admit when things feel rocky.

I think the panic that was creeping up on me last night, was also part of the cycle where in the past, I've set myself up to fail. Knowing that freaked me out even more and my head just started spinning. You know?

When I started out, I had a plan. I need to be back in therapy. I will be seeing an addiction specialist- but not for a few more weeks. That was the soonest availability I could get for non-emergency. I use AVRT, have the book, it worked for me for 2 years previously. But life happened, (break up of long term relationship, living alone for the first time, etc blah blah blah) and I went back to my old way of coping. I also come here- which has been saving my ass. My close friends know I'm not drinking, and they're leaving me be for now, but are there if I need them.

This is just another challenge and that's going to happen. I know if I can get through this sober, I'm going to feel so great. It's huge progress. Not JUST with my drinking, but at life in general.

I have been doing really well this time around. Day one, I had my pity party and I kinda left it at that. Then came suckie withdrawal. From there, I've had a few urges but nothing I couldn't handle. Then last night BAM!! Razors edge... Scary. But I'm still sober! Just needed the reminder that I can do this! All of you guys are doing it... So I can too.

Sorry for rambling. :-( I just wanted to think through this and get my thoughts out. Thanks if you took the time to read all this!!
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:34 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi, EverySngleNight.

I hear you about your worries, some of my family-related memories still sting, hurt, and torture me. But.. There's a huge BUT... Before I quit I'd thought I would just die of pain when all these emotions start attack me again and I can't dumb my feeling with wine.

You know what? In sobriety I can cope with it so much better. I'm getting stronger. So are you. You can do this.

When waves of feelings are coming just let them go. They are just feelings and memories, and they have no power unless you grant them yours. Shift you focus to your future, health, baby, anything.

You are not a vulnerable kid any more. You are a strong grown-up person. Don't doubt this - you are. So you can set your own boundaries and protect your feelings. I know, it's damn hard with family. Been there, done that.

Long story short. Don't "demonize" your memories - they are powerless, actually.

You are here, in present tense. Sober.

And you can always excuse yourself for five minutes and pop in here and say "Help, need support right now" if anything goes wrong.

Take care)
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
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When I quit for good all the good things about building a family started to fall into place. It seems to me that this week will be relatively easy to handle if you get out your AVRT book and seriously consider making that Big Plan. What if you told your family you don't drink because your trying to make a baby?
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Getting on with life can happen now or later. Well I am up in years and I know that life is short. Go for it. Babies are such a joy.
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Midnightblue, you are clearly a person that has done some psychological heavy lifting, work! MUCH of what you advised are things that I've learned through therapy. Thank you so much for reminding me. I know how to be the observer, and allow it to float right on by. My anxiety and self doubt come into play occasionally, and it is harder to be objective. Thats where reconnecting with the present, not disassociating- is important. I lost the "ground" last night!! All part of the process. I have to practice it. And you can't do that drunk or hungover. You just can't! Thank you so much for bringing me back to to my ground. Seriously, sincerely- you just rocked my world.. In a good way. :-). THANK YOU
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Old 05-25-2013, 08:08 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Glad it helped you)

Keep posting. And you can always pm, BTW - feel free)
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Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong

Hope is not a strategy, luck is not a factor, fear is not an option.
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Old 05-25-2013, 06:13 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thanks for your long post, I read it! Hey, sorry if I came across a bit crass with the "jaeger bombs" thing. I've been in a bit of a tizzy for the past few nights due to some issues I'm carrying right now - it came across in my post and I wanted to apologize. I am glad you come here for encouragement, you deserve it! Good luck with everything! We're pulling for ya. Keep us updated - how is it going so far?
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Old 05-25-2013, 07:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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there is no problem that alcohol can't make worse.
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Old 05-26-2013, 07:37 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Well, guess what??? I DID IT!! I served a dinner and had so much fun- and I didn't drink. Nobody did! Husband and I stayed up and played rummy. We'd never played cards without drinking. I honestly had a really good time. So happy today! I'm not out of the woods yet, but it really boosted my confidence.

Bigsombrero- No worries at all! No apology necessary. The first time I read it, I thought it was a little rough. BUT I expect that and actually admire that about you. (In New England- that how we roll! Lol) I read over it again and had a good laugh picturing my mom lining up jäger bombs!!!LOL Seriously- you really can't appreciate the hilarity of that image without knowing her, cracked me up and brought levity to the situation too. :-)
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Old 05-26-2013, 09:41 AM   #16 (permalink)
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So glad for you, EverySngleNight)

Great job. Keep it up.
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Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong

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Old 05-26-2013, 12:26 PM   #17 (permalink)
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So far so good! Out to lunch. Mom has mimosa, offered me a sip. "No thanks." One small step.. :-)
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