Suddenly Single to Crack
 

I have been dating my CABF for 5 years. I learned of his addiction after a year of being with him. Since then every year I have attempted to help him beat his addiction to crack. I have helped him go to rehabs (3 currently), I have controlled his financial situation, I protected him from consequences. I know that i am an enabler but now I am tired. I have done all I could do. The only things is I still love him and and saddened that he will die in the street, go to jail, or never get himself together. He is a great pretender and will soon have a new woman to pick up where I left off. I lost a lot of time trying to help this addict and now I need to help myself and my 5 children from outside the relationship. How can I get over the pain of letting go of someone you loved and helped for so long.

ClassyDiva:a108:

Are you a member of Al-Anon? It's an excellent program and would be a good first step...or a "re-step".

I am not a member but have attended meetings recently. I am a single parent with small children and the meetings are not close to home. But it is a great avenue that I take advantage of everytime I am able to make a meeting.

I am sorry that you are going through this. This site has a friends and family section that you can get a lot of support from. While it may be hard to attend an meeting, it would definitely be worth it. You could also try an ACOA meeting if you grew up with a parent with an alcoholic or addict. Not sure if it applies to you but the tendency to want to rescue and help people, confuse love with pity and get in relationships with people with addictions are classic ACOA traits. I would highly recommend counseling if that is an option.

Know that you are making the right choice- you and your children deserve better. My ex-husband delved into crack shortly after we were married, and it was the fastest downward spiral that I have ever seen. (and this is coming from a hardcore alcoholic!) I also had to make the choice to love myself more than him by leaving. Your enabling also is what helps him maintain his addiction, and losing your support and sinking to a new low may be what he needs to finally get better. But don't ruin yours or your kids lives by waiting around and hoping. While scary, you are making the right choice :welcome

Best of luck to you, and keep posting!

:welcome We have a forum specially for friends and family of addicts. Take a look and post your situation for fresh insight from people in similar situations.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I'm sorry for your situation Classy Diva but I know you'll find support wisdom and experience here - welcome :)

D