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Old 05-24-2013, 11:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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should i pretend to drink


im going to a family party and don't want to tell anyone yet that im 10 days sober aa going great and im positive i can go to party . but if im not drinking theyll know im sober and i don't want that yet long story anyway should i buy alcohol free beer and pretend im drinking im not staying long but don't know what i should do any suggestions guys thanks in advance
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I wouldn't pretend, then someone might buy you a real one! You can just say you are on antibiotics or something. Have fun.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
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you know, you not drinking is probably not going to be as big a deal as you think. buying alcohol free beer, however, kinda screams "i'm not drinking booze but i want to!" just stick to non-alcoholic drinks. perhaps bring your own NA drink of choice and just drink off that. if someone inquires about your lack of drinking, a simple "i just don't care to today" should suffice. most people don't care enough to really notice and press you for more information. the people that do are either people who have been concerned about your drinking or people for who drinking is a big deal. we are very self centered by nature and we think that because something is a big deal to us, it's a big deal to everyone. hate to break it to you, but most people are too concerned with their own lives to really notice a change in yours. i'd recommend you don't pretend to drink. just think, are you going to pretend to still be an alcoholic all your life? practice you newfound sober habits and life. Don't live a lie.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
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My suggestion would be to either not go to the party, or just drink soda/water if you do. You have no obligation to tell anyone anything about why you aren't drinking. Trying to cover it up by lying and drinking something that resembles alcohol is not going to help anyone.

So if you don't feel you can handle the social situation, just avoid it. And if you do, just don't drink. You should be much more concerned about your own sobriety and the potentilal to slip up and drink yourself than what other people think about you.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Make it some medical reason, like taking medications that conflict with alcohol.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I agree with Dolly, don't pretend, just say you are on antibiotics or on a diet and that you can't drink for a couple of weeks. That should buy you some time. Good luck and have fun!
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Jolene, while it is up to you I would not buy alcohol free beer so soon as it could be a trigger. If you're not ready to tell your family about your sobriety yet, how about telling them you're on a new health kick or can't stay long and have to drive? I have found that I tend to over think this stuff a lot, thinking its a bigger deal than it is when in reality many people do not care or even notice if you're drinking or not. Often the few people that do have an issue with it have drinking problems of their own.

Why don't you want to tell them? I used to feel embarrassed about it, but I had to get over it (which may take longer than 10 days! because my disease loves secrets and shame that can leave doors open for future drinking opportunities. I now know that in some ways I did not want to tell people that I was an alcoholic because if I returned to drinking at some point people would not bother me about it in the same way as if I had admitted to having a problem.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Can you just say "no thanks, I'm driving". Or "no thanks, I'm taking the night off". They don't need to know your long term ideas, just that you are not drinking tonite. Simple as that. Keep a drink in your hand at all times-soda or water but I don't think an n/a drink or pretending to drink is a good idea.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I usually make a joke and say I'm off the sauce in my most obnoxious New York accent I can muster. People usually laugh, one person was shocked and I said, "meh, it's for my health," which is 100% accurate.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:39 AM   #10 (permalink)
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IMO you don't have to tell anything you don't want to, but pretending and being willfully dishonest by making up stories is not going to help you in the long run. You can not drink and still keep your integrity intact. Just don't drink...or like Scott said, don't go if it's too stressful for you right now. I did avoid alcoholic events for the first couple of months of sobriety because I didn't have a good reason to put myself in that position. I'm not saying you *should* do that, just that you have the option as an adult with choices.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:46 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.


have the right motives, be in fit spiritual condition, and have an escape route.
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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If you're are driving. just tell them you're so afraid to drink and drive that you won't drink at all
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
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word, tomsteve. now, honesty doesn't mean you have to shout from the rooftops that you're not drinking because you're an alcoholic. it simply means that you're not living a lie anymore. i like the "it's for my health" excuse. but to be honest, i wouldn't offer an excuse if someone didn't hassle me. the less big a deal you make it, the more likely it will go unnoticed. fooling others into thinking you are who you were is likely to lead you to fooling yourself. live honestly. it's a lot easier and it's a lot more wholesome.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS View Post
word, tomsteve. now, honesty doesn't mean you have to shout from the rooftops that you're not drinking because you're an alcoholic. it simply means that you're not living a lie anymore. i like the "it's for my health" excuse. but to be honest, i wouldn't offer an excuse if someone didn't hassle me. the less big a deal you make it, the more likely it will go unnoticed. fooling others into thinking you are who you were is likely to lead you to fooling yourself. live honestly. it's a lot easier and it's a lot more wholesome.
tru dat.
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Old 05-24-2013, 03:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I TOTALLY know the feeling.

Some people in AA are very firm about being honest and saying things like "I get very sick if I drink."

Sometimes being that honest is not an option for me.

One line that always works for me is: "Sorry, I prefer sticking to water/coke/juice because I have a brief/some proof reading/a work memo/whatever to do tonight before I hit bed."

As for rigorous honesty, oldtimers, in AA groups that I go to, tell me it doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell the exact, brutal truth to other people (who don't need to know every detail of your life). Your own sobriety is your first priority.



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Originally Posted by jolene22976 View Post
im going to a family party and don't want to tell anyone yet that im 10 days sober aa going great and im positive i can go to party . but if im not drinking theyll know im sober and i don't want that yet long story anyway should i buy alcohol free beer and pretend im drinking im not staying long but don't know what i should do any suggestions guys thanks in advance
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Old 05-24-2013, 03:57 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I have found that the best way for me to deal with it is with the truth and no one bugs me after that. I tell them I don't drink anymore, I got into too much trouble drinking and I feel better than ever. Simple truth. Then they continue with their drinking and I drink my non alcoholic beverages and I do the same stuff they do. I talk sober, I play pool sober, whatever it is .. Only difference is I'm capable of driving home safely afterwards and won't deal with a hangover the next day.
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Old 05-24-2013, 04:02 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I don't make a scene at all. I come with my own soft drinks, I drink them, I say no thanks to alcoholic drinks.

99 times out of 100 there's no problem.

if someone pesters me I say I don't drink anymore...if they still pester me, I say I prefer not to drink.

If they persist after that? they get the full story.

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

There's no reason to lie or pretend to drink.

It's just nobodys business but mine

Hold your head up and have a good time Jolene
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Old 05-24-2013, 05:50 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I would just tell them I am not drinking today/nite and leave it at that. After all the best way to stay sober is one day at a time. If they ask why just tell them that you don't feel like drinking today/nite. For me that would be honest without getting into all the details.

I have also used the "I've had enough" line which is also true.
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Old 05-25-2013, 12:34 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I just came from a party. Got there late and everyone was kind of drunk- these are not big drinks people, 2 or 3 and they all talk about being "tipsy". Anyway, I walked in went to where the drinks are and grabbed a water. No one asked me a thing about what I was drinking. Non issue. I guess my friends aren't wild enough.
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Old 05-25-2013, 02:32 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Someone asked me week ago if I wanted a drink, I told them I don't drink anymore.
When they asked me why I considered lying but then I thought that the truth was better.
I simply said " because I can't stop just at one".
Nobody pressures me any more.
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