ActionHeroName

I rolled around life for so long like Shel Silverstein's missing piece with the aid of alcohol. I was able to roll when I had alcohol, but now I feel like a chunk of who I am is gone and I don't know who to be. I crave something to make me whole yet I'm not sure what it is. I feel like I was happier when I was dulled with booze. Sure I had my lows, but that's because I had my highs, now I just have baseline. It's hard to get excited these days, it's hard to be around people, it's hard to be happy.

I've been feeling so alone without my trusty sidekick to keep me company. I could always look forward to that beer in the fridge taking me where I knew I'd feel good. Burping in my armchair, chuckling to myself, feeling energized with each drop. I was content then with old faithful.

Now I have nothing that fills that void, I don't even know where to look. I need a something, I need a someone, I need that hole to be filled. I've gone to AA and it just isn't for me. Hanging out with my friends is exhausting without alcohol making me lively. I have 35 days now and I really thought it would start to get easier.

I told myself in rehab that I'd start anew, get myself into a routine, but nothing has changed aside from the all day drinkathons. It's starting to feel like alcohol isn't so bad, just a personality booster with some side-effects.

Sorry to rant, I just had to type these words so I could see them and make them mean something.

Bobbydigital

35 days really is a good effort. I guess it can be a personality booster for a short time before you overstep the line and it becomes destructive. I know it's a bit of a cliche but exercising is a great tool to get the natural endorphins flowing and it's what has kept me repeatedly trying to stop drinking alcohol.

least

to SR! Yes, recovery can seem a little 'flat' for a while. Give yourself more time to even out. Thirty five days isn't that much. Develop new hobbies. Volunteer your time if you can, that's a great way of getting out of yourself and giving to those who have less then you do.

Hang in there. It will get better.

Threshold

Maybe you drank because you were bored, and now you're not drinking, so your bored. So I'd suggest going out and doing something other than drinking. Seriously, it's a BIG world out there.

Without booze you probably have more money on your hands. Do you like sports? go to a game, concert, street fair, movie, help a neighbor with yard work, call up a sibling and shoot the breeze. go to the zoo, see the local high school play, drive an extra 20 minutes and check out the new store of your choice on the other side of town.

it gets easier once we overcome inertia. Truly, it's getting past "I don't feel like" it that makes all the difference

ScottFromWI

Congrats on your 36 days, that's quite an accomplishment. I'm getting close to 5 months and I still feel some of the same things you do. But it does get better. Excersice, engaging yourself with other people and generally just getting off my butt and making an effort to do something really helps. In the past of course drinking beer took the place of all those things I should have been doing.

Eventually I think the lows do outweigh the highs of alcohol by far. Not sure how bad you were before you quit, but I was at the stage where I was starting to just drink to feel normal, vs doing it to feel good. And once that starts happening things really go south in a hurry. You made the right decision and it will pay off handsomely in the future!

stubbs

Wow you just described exactly how I feel.This weekend I'm going to force myself to go out and do something.I feel my life has got to be the most boring life around.

sugarbear1

Those 12 steps helped me to learn how to fill that void. Today I have a more well-rounded life than I ever have.

Have you attempted to read about rational recovery or another method?

Dee74

Alcohol and I were like a dysfunctional Cisco Kid and Pancho for 20 years.
It took me a little while to work out how to go solo - give it a little time AHN

the more things you do sober, the more you'll grow - you might find one day soon there's no missing piece at all

D

quitforme79

Sounds to me like you are in mourning which is a natural part of the grieving process. I glorify my drinking days too sometimes. But at six & a half months I don't feel like it's missing anymore. It takes time to build a new life but if you have the willingness & patience, it's certainly possible. Remember that growth can be painful and or uncomfortable. Try to use the clear head you have now to find what you enjoy. And on my really bad days I think "well I can always go back to alcohol (it's not going anywhere) but I'm choosing today to see what other rewards & paths sobriety had in store for me. Congrats on 35 days

DarkDays

Yes Indeed your Brain is craving the drug you used for so long. Nothing more.

Grind through these feelings 35 days good, add another 100 you may feel slightly better.

You can do this.

ersatzmatriarch

i am not one to speak yet about recovery, as i'm too paralyzed in my current state to understand that... but if you're looking for something to do with your new time, i'd suggest writing.

you have a great voice that easily lends itself to theatre or something. (yes, i'm a theatre geek, and would gladly pay to write like you do!)

on recovery, as i said, i don't know squat yet... but i wish you the best. i am in the 'one second at a time' bracket still, but it's gotta be worth it, right? anything other than a blackout or a bad feeling or a thought of failure? every single second we get to avoid that is a good second. at least for me it is...

you got this... and good fortune and best wishes to you...