Midlifecrisis

I don't want to be an addict *stamps feet*. It's not faaaaaaiiiiir. Everyone around me is 'normal.' Either they don't use drugs or drink at all or they have the occasional drink. I used alone, I drank alone quite often. Whyyy??

I want to be able to take medication without taking 30 times the dose, or have a social drink

Don't get me wrong, I know I can't and I'm very grateful for all that I have. I'm just feeling restless, bored and sorry for myself tonight!

Dee74

It's normal to feel that way MLC.

The more you start build a new sober life as a sober mum, wife, friend, business owner tho, I reckon you'll come to see that this really is the way for you to be - I really believe you will

D

Midlifecrisis

Thanks Dee. So restless tonight I want to scream.


Aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh

Midlifecrisis

Gah. Not good head space. Want to use sooooo bad((((.

Lenina

MLC,

What useful thing could you do now? Sort out the kids closet or drawers? Sit down and work out the dinner menus for the next week and get the grocery list in order. Do something in service to your family. Make cup cakes, plan a family night for the weekend.

are you up for swimming yet? I still think that would be very good for you.

love from Lenina

Midlifecrisis

I could do cupcakes! They can take them to soccer tomorrow. You mean I've actually got to do something pro active? I can't just sit here and complain and it will go away? Lol.

No swimming! It's nearly winter and getting cold! Bring on September. I'm not really up to much physical yet which bugs me no end because exercise has always been a huge part of my life.

Thanks. Will do cupcakes.

MythOfSisyphus

I feel ya, Midlifecrisis! I'd love to sit down with a nice box of wine if only I could do it with no consequences!:rotfxko

Of course, I can't any more than you can. If we could drink "normally" we wouldn't be here would we? It would be fun to be able to fly or shoot laser beams out of my eyes, too! But that's as likely as being able to drink "normally" so why should I waste any time dreaming of it?

This too shall pass!

javamama

I feel the same way, I went to an AA meeting tonight, my first one, felt great, I kept busy until the kids were in bed than boredom sat it, and the cravings began. I wanted wine so bad. Thankfully we keep no alcohol in the house, I sat with my husband and cried a little, telling him that it's not that I want the drink (which I did) but I also felt like I needed it, I need it at least every couple days, and that's my AV. I am an alcoholic. It doesn't matter that I drink when my kids are in bed, or that I only drink to get a "buzz" and haven't got drunk or sick in a long while. I still need that buzz, and one glass will never be enough for me. It's unfair we can't be like "normal" people, but I keep telling myself, maybe this is my chance to live even better. You get to look at life so differently, all over again.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks

I know. Need to accept it. I have accepted it I just don't like it!!!!! Lol

I'm about to jump out of my skin. I left a bottle
Of baileys here before detox. I searched for it. It's not here, hubby drank it while I was away in detox. He knew it should not be here when I t baxk.

Midlifecrisis

Hugs. It is out chance to live better. It is. Sometimes
It just sucks!

Natom

I remember discussing this at a meeting once MLC. I'm constantly going on about how I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL. I don't want to be like everyone else. At least as addicts and alcoholics we know who we are. People may seem the same on the outside but you don't know who they are on the inside. A friend of mine came upto me after that meeting and said that we know we're not 'normal'. But the guy with a semi-detatched house, a wife, 2 kids and a dog. Societys definition of normal. What's not to say that he spend his evenings completely redefining the word normal.......if that makes any sense at all. I'd rather be an addict than a normy. At least I know who I am.

Natom.

Threshold

Do you? I mean do you REALLY want to use, or do you just want to feel different than you do?

If what you want is to feel different than you do now. To not feel restless, irritated, etc etc...the BEST way of accomplishing that is to not use, keep moving through withdrawal and stay on the path of recovery. Then...freedom.

Using will only guarantee that you will feel like this over and over and over.

Not using will lead you farther from this horrible feeling.

I don't want to be an addict. So I became someone who doesn't drink or take drugs. It's way easier.

ScottFromWI

When I feel this way I sometimes look to my 10 year old son for inspiration. He has a peanut allergy, and while his reactions are not life threatening ( thankfully he's only had 1 ) we are ever vigilant with reading labels, etc.

He has absolutely zero stigma about it though, to him it's very simple - he just can't eat peanuts or he'll have negative consequences. I try to look at alcohol that way now too - I simply can't drink it because it's bad for me and it will have negative consequences. It's perhaps not normal but it's just a fact of his life and my life - and there are so many more productive things we can do than worry about a fact that we cannot change.

Best of luck to you MLC, I'm very happy that you are still going strong and getting better. You've made a miraculous comearound from just a few weeks ago and should be commended for fighting the good fight.

OneLessLonely

How did the cupcakes come out? I love sweets!!

Midlifecrisis

You are right. Sometimes I feel I know myself TOO well. The only reason I say I don't want to be an addict is because I want to use. Argh

Went back and did some more reading of my intoxicated posts and it makes my head spin. I don't want to go back there, but I want to escape how I'm feeling. Thabks

drunkyjules

Thats how I felt at first with the whole acceptance thing. Like a little kid who refused to believe it and just kept going through the "I don't wannas" I don't wanna be an alcoholic, I don't wanna be different, I don't wanna have to work a program......blah blah blah.

I started to move into gratitude and acceptance. We have a disease but there is something we can do about it. Some people have diseases and are just screwed. By staying sober we can learn alot of lessons and from what people say its actually better in the end because we appreciate so much more having been to hell and back.

I went from the "pour" me I can't have a drink - to oh hell I can't drink! I don't even have to act like or think like or try to pretend I can. Its just not an option. No more fighting the disease cause I can't win. Surrender. Finally!!

Midlifecrisis

You're right. I don't want to use because I know where it ends up, I just want to feel differently. I just love drugs. I love most drugs to be perfectly honest. For the escape they give me. I need to be able to live reality more.

I like your last two sentences. Well said.

Midlifecrisis

Thank you for that. It is true isn't it, simple. If your son doesn't eat a peanut he is safe. If we don't pick up a drug or drink we are safe. If we do then its disaster.

Thanks. I did read some of my old posts and I have to strain the brain to understand what I've written

deeker

Jesus Mid. Jesus is the answer
U said u are a Christian right? Start praying. Get in the Word. You said you were good friends with your pastor. Ask him to come over and sit with you. Sounds like you had him over when u were drinking. The answers are there, your comfort is there. You have to take it by faith.

Philippians 4:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 I can do all things through Christs who strengthens me.

You got through labor with 4 kids. Just hang tough.

MemphisBlues

I realized I was making progress when I stopped looking at normal people being different than me and realized I wanted what they had -- the ability to be comfortable in their own skin without thinking of using or drinking.

I still resent the hell of them, of course.