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Crashed and Burned

Old 05-23-2013, 05:36 AM
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Crashed and Burned

It has been awhile since I last posted on this site. I have bounced in and out of aa for 2 yrs. i got ANOTHER dui last Saturday. My life is in shambles. I have talked with my sponsor, friends in aa, Im lost scared and dont know what to do. I felt I got a lot of support the last time I was active on this site. Any insight or words of encouragement would be very helpful right now. I know I will die if I keep drinking. Any advice would be helpful, I can barely function because of the shame and guilt that I have brought on to my young children.
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:47 AM
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Having a secret addiction is bad enough.... But when it is out in the public it is exponentially worse. Sounds corny, but you have to stay strong. Get done with your fines. Pay your dept to society.... probation whatever.... I still have nightmares about when I got caught for possession. The shame my family felt.. Get a lawyer. Hopefully they can make your court date fast so the only thing that gets put out in the public is your name is some paper in fine print along with 50 other people.

You have to be honest with your children too. Tell them you made a mistake and now your paying for it. That you hope they will not make the same decision. That you expect better of them. But, we are all human after all. And if anyone is soo perfect let them cast the first stone. It should bounce right off of you!!
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:52 AM
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Welcome back Ryan

I thinK, if we drink enough, it gets to a point where only one thing matters - you can't drink anymore, not if you want to get out of this and get your life back.

You can rebuild, and you can live a happy and full life sober - but it will take a lot of time effort discipline and patience for a while...

Be prepared to do whatever it takes, do everything you can , keep reaching out for support as much as you need to - and you'll get there Ryan

D
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:06 AM
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Just wanted to welcome you back and say how sorry I am you're going through this....but you can get through it, one step at a time. Keep reading and posting.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:10 AM
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I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Ryan.
I just got my first DUI and can relate with the shame and guilt.

Try to stay strong and find a way to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes.

Maybe you can think of it as the last sign to stop doing this to yourself.
I was trying to think that at least I didn't hit anyone or wake up from hospital paralyzed...
If I haven't been arrested I would be still drinking and driving and who knows what could've happened...

Take it day by day and you will be ok.
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Old 05-23-2013, 07:43 AM
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I like what Dee said....be prepared to do whatever you need to do in order to not drink. Additional support is needed perhaps? Counseling; more meetings; checking in on SR more often; seeing your doctor/psychiatrist? Sucks you got a DUI but at least you aren't dead. You get a chance to talk with your children about your DUI and how you are going to change your life. Dead doesn't give you that option. I always keep the saying "jail, institutions, or death" in my head. Those are my options should I choose to drink.
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by ryanriley View Post
It has been awhile since I last posted on this site. I have bounced in and out of aa for 2 yrs. i got ANOTHER dui last Saturday. My life is in shambles. I have talked with my sponsor, friends in aa, Im lost scared and dont know what to do. I felt I got a lot of support the last time I was active on this site. Any insight or words of encouragement would be very helpful right now. I know I will die if I keep drinking. Any advice would be helpful, I can barely function because of the shame and guilt that I have brought on to my young children.
Quit bouncing in & out of AA. Bounce in and stay there.... commit to it.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:59 PM
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I'm sorry your struggling. Some of us have to reach new bottoms to get well. Let this be your last bottom. It only gets worse.. Luckily, AA is there to help. Lean on your sponsor. Go to meetings as much as possible. You & your children deserve better and things CAN get much, much better once drinking is removed from your life.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
You can rebuild, and you can live a happy and full life sober - but it will take a lot of time effort discipline and patience for a while...
That's the truth. You've already received some great advice, Ryan. I guess I would just also say that it's important to remember that the shame and regret will not last. They will be replaced by pride and gratitude. And those kids of yours will be proud too, seeing how you faced up to mistakes, and took steps to improve your life and theirs.

Time will change how this day looks to you. I felt so low, so depressed, so scared and humiliated when I quit. Now I am grateful for those painful feelings, because they were the feelings that motivated me to change. And what at the time seemed like the worst day ever, now looks like the luckiest day ever.

It doesn't happen overnight, but uou will get there, I promise! Glad you're back.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:14 PM
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I remember you, Ryan. It's an insidious disease, no? Glad you are reaching out to your old support network. Grab onto it as if your life depends on it.

How long were you out? Are you sober now? How long were you drinking before the second DUI?

Your sharing will help a newcomer and we at SR are always here to help you. Your posts helped me when I was a newcomer to SR.

Glad you made it back.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:27 PM
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Welcome back Ryan. We're so glad you returned.

I've had duis too. I understand how low you're feeling right now. You can rise above this awful time in your life and live again in a new way. I remember feeling the shame and guilt, too - but it was holding me down and keeping me from moving forward. I had to forgive myself. It sounds like you're ready to do this. Please keep posting and reading here. The bad days will pass and you'll come out of this.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:28 PM
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Ryan, it's good to see you.

The way to turn this into a positive experience is to stop drinking for good. Use this dui to turn your life around and become the person you want to be.
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:19 PM
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You've got some big changes to make, I think. I hope you make them.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:29 PM
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Hi Ryan,
I remember you. Glad you made it back. To me this means you haven't given up on getting sober or given up on yourself, of this you can feel good.

MemphisBlue made a very good point about telling your story of relapse to help others and perhaps help you to clarify what you did or didn't do that contributed to the relapse.
I know early in sobriety I was very worried about relapsing because I don't think I could make it back if I did so I would read stories of people's relapses to help understand what is behind relapsing. Nearly 2 years sober I have so much gratitude that this time around I've got it.
I understand you must be feeling like crap at the moment but when you are up to it tell us your story.

All the best
CaiHong
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:37 PM
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Hey Ryan! How about you stop bouncing in and out of AA and just stick around for the long haul. AA isn't rehab. You don't leave there when you get sober. You stay because you need the practice and you need the reminder and you need the people there like they need you. Obviously, your way of living isn't working out for you. If you're like me, exerting your will over your life doesn't work. I know that i'm the last person i should listen to when it comes to how to live my life. If i had my way, i'd drink myself into oblivion all day and all night then sit and wonder why my life is falling apart. Try getting back to AA for the long haul. It just might work and you've got nothing to lose but the baggage you're lugging around.
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