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Old 05-22-2013, 10:50 AM
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New here! Hello!

I've just quit drinking and I'm actually happy to do so. However, my husband wants me to attend "meetings." I don't believe in AA (AT ALL), but they are the only meetings available in my area. I'll go for him, if that makes him feel better/secure, because I've put him through alot these last few years. (I guess it shows him that I'm putting some kind of effort into quitting... I don't know.) Can you go to an AA meeting without listening or participating? I'd like to just go and read, if possible. I feel bad doing that... I know that's not what it's for. I wish there were more non-12-step options in my area, but there just aren't any. Any input??
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Old 05-22-2013, 11:21 AM
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I would say just go to the meetings and listen for the similarities. You may hear something helpful.
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Old 05-22-2013, 11:35 AM
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Yeah, I thought of doing that too. I'm just afraid of getting sucked into particpating and exlpaining why I'm not interested in 12-stepping. I don't want to offend anyone, you know?
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Old 05-22-2013, 11:43 AM
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AA is full of every type of person from the fully committed to the one who wanders. When I was going to AA I particularly liked it for the fact that I was around people that knew how I felt and I could talk about my alcoholism with people that knew what I was going through. I never was and never will be one to get all into it myself but for what AA did for me, and still does, I will forever be grateful........

Not saying I will never go back, hahaa, I just needed to do what I felt I had to do.
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Old 05-22-2013, 11:53 AM
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Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. I'm not as freaked out about going as I was. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as I've anticipated. Like I said, I'm only going for my husband's sake. If it benefits me in some way, then it's a bonus. At the very least, I'll have a chance to get out of the house by myself for an hour or so. (Are the meetings that long? I have no idea...) Thanks, again!
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by tnjm75 View Post
Like I said, I'm only going for my husband's sake.
So, are you quitting drinking just for your husband's sake?

Why don't you suggest Al-Anon for him. If you are both introduced to the tenets of recovery you two at least have a common place for discussion.
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:33 PM
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I'm all about quitting for me & my family. He just thinks that involves going to meetings. So, I'll go for him, even though I disagree with AA.
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:43 PM
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Can I ask why you disagree with AA? Have you ever been to meeting or have you read any literature? Just curious really. I go to AA but I do think its up to the individual to decide what works best for them.

The meetings last an hour. Some get there early to grab coffee and chat but if you walk in at start time and leave at the end, then an hour.
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:54 PM
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Hi there - Im copying and pasting my post below that i posted on another forum I just joined. This is in response to your comments/feeings about AA meetings. I totally understand your feelings and am not using AA or the Program, meetings as my only way to quit. Not using them really at all, except for what I can pull from them what I want. Not knocking AA either, but I dont want to use the program AA. Some of their concepts are really great. I see myself going to a meeting at some point and listening. Then again maybe not. This new age of internet and technology, I can do so much here at home, in a private setting, yet still practicing methods similar to AA - journaling, forums like this, workbooks, watching and reading crazy, scary, eye opening stories online, learning soooo much about the alcohol and all the terrible medical probs assoiciated, etc. I think I can pull useful tools from various sources - not just one, like AA. I will list everything I have been finding, watching, and bookmarking online, etc., in a future post for sure.

p.s. i am NOT talking bad about AA, and of course it REALLY really works for some peopl. but look up "Why AA doesnt Work for 97% of the People Who Join" by Youtube username "the101Program" I found it the other day when i was researching online. Its not about ripping on AA, it talks about alternative methods too. further convi

p.p.s. this is also so important but as much as i crave it without booze, i am learning white refined sugar is NOT good (in fact, detrimental!) when trying to quit alcohol. same thing with coffee. Be careful using caffeine and sugar with your cravings! The Dorsman book I mention below has a whole bunch of stuff on diet and how to eat when you quit alcohol. it really, really works and makes a difference in how you feel. i had never considered diet before when i quit the million times in the past.

anyway, here is that comment about what is helping me:

Anonymous May 19, 2013 at 1:31 PM
I haven't posted my story on here yet, but when I read yours and others and the comments about AA and your fear of AA - I had to let you know I agree and understand and wanted to share with you and others what's working for me so far.

I have slipped many many many times and always hate myself for it and am afraid I am going to die or kill someone else in a blackout. I got sober (this time, the FINAL TIME!) May 17, 2013.

I bought the book How to Quit Drinking Without AA by Jerry Dorsman. REALLY like it so far. I also bought (by suggestion) The Mastery of Love and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I have a notebook I use for the Dorsman book and then I underline the Ruiz books. I go back and forth thru these as I want so it doesnt feel forced and its at my pace.

I am also reading tons of stuff online and watching a lot of Alcohol Recovery and or Horror Stories on Youtube (you can find many results under different searches.) It really keeps me going.

It also really helps me to watch true stories of people hitting rock bottom, painful as it is, because it scares the hell outta me and holds a mirror up to myself. I just watched The Two Coreys, about Corey Feldman and the late Corey Haim. So haunting to watch when you know the outcome for Haim but it kind of helps me. Actually it really helps me - like watching myself. Yes, Haim was addicted to prescription pills while I am a raging alcoholic, but I still get the picture. Hopefully you will too. There are soooooo many videos online you can find that will scare the hell out of you and keep you strong. I journal so much when I read and hear things that hit me. Its like my own AA. This system I am using.

Point is, I can't go to AA, but I do need help. Maybe I will go to some meetings here in town, and listen. When Im ready. But this and other online forums where I can be anonymous plus the methods above plus (as someone mentioned above in the comments) also exercise really help. Another thing I am learning is you have to cut white sugar out of your diet when you quit drinking alcohol. It makes a HUGE difference on alcohol cravings if you quit sugar too while you withdrawal!

I feel in my heart of hearts that this will be the last time I quit. It has to be. Or I will be dead before my 37th birthday. I feel really empowered this time. I am so glad I found this forum where I can read about and talk with others who share my addiction and problem. Good luck to all of you!!!
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:01 PM
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You husband sounds like a pretty nice guy - it probably wasn't easy for him to decide to ask you to attend meetings. Are you feeling resentful towards him? Sounds like he cares a lot.

The best way to start recovery is to be in this for YOURSELF. You don't need to be doing this for anyone else's sake. As far as AA goes - yep, you can just go and sit there. It's weird the first time - they spend about 15 minutes reading over these rules, it's how every meeting starts. Sometimes they'll ask if there's anyone new, that's when you can introduce yourself, you just say "Hi I'm Earnest and I'm an alcoholic" or whatever. Then you'll listen to a speaker and then some comments. Then you can leave!

I don't attend AA meetings often, but it helped me gain a foot-hold and gave me some insight in those early days. Maybe you should try it out - then you can bash it all you want!
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:21 PM
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Welcome to SR tnjm. Congratulations on making the decision to quit. You'll never regret it.

I agree that you might want to at least give AA a try. I've gotten sober and stayed that way without it, but you might find that it reinforces what you're already doing. We can't have too much help. Glad you are here!
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:30 PM
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I have a degree in Psychology & I've studied a lot about addiction. I've never bought into the idea of addiction being a disease and the lack of personal responsibility, free will, & choice for the addicted that goes along with it being a disease. Just my personal opinion. Interestingly, my husband feels the same way. I think, for him, it's about seeing me DO something, because simply not drinking isn't enough effort for him.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by tnjm75 View Post
I have a degree in Psychology & I've studied a lot about addiction.
I'd take the advice of someone with 4 years of sobriety over the advice of someone with a 4-year degree in psychology. I'd still say AA is worth a shot in the beginning. I'm not going to keep pushing you to go, just do whatever keeps you sober. Good luck!
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:06 PM
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You don't have to say a peep and I have seen stranger things in meetings than someone reading, that is for sure!

For what it is worth, not everyone in AA thinks of it as a disease. I go because that is one place I don't ever feel judged. I'm working through the steps because I have baggage and I'm ready to check it in for good.

Best of luck!
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