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(((Roy))) hang in there.

SJRRN

Hi Roy- you have described just what I went thru too better than I could have. it was simply awful. I sweated thru it totally alone and feeling so hopeless. On day three, i felt better and every day since then has been hard, but the worst is over. You can do this, the rewards are so great, the biggiest one having your life back to live again. Take care, rest, plenty of fluids for now. You are going to be OK. Congradulations on your courage- Stephanie

tryinagain

Since I cannot rest, I have been doing alot of thinking and reading and working when I can. I had no idea that a two week relapse could cause the withdrawal to be this bad again but I am fighting my way through it and trying to learn something from it. I came to a frightening realization in my study. I had been having thoughts of drinking before that horrible night. I had already been rationalizing reasons to continue or restart the addiction and I used that horrid night as the reason that I knew nobody would blame me for. Well, I blame me dammit. I see now that I was already becoming weak before the incident and had I not been the incident would have been the same but had I remained sober through the pain that was there anyway, I would not have the addition of the pain that I feel today. The outcome of the string of events would have worked out the same but I would not be feeling this sick today. Soooooo, I added to the problems that were going to be there anyway and just hid within my alcohol blur trying to not feel anything only to come back to the same end result with another problem added on. I think I am finally seeing the pattern here. I feel weak, something really bad happens and then something else until I am being bombarded so I use that as an excuse to escape the pain and struggle with a good buzz only to have the same problems and events but now with one more added on..an addiction that I am feeding. So then the initial sequence of events gets worked out, some good and some not so good but things calm down allowing the remaining primary issue to be my drinking. That could be an eternal cycle if not interrupted but now that I see it, I can form a plan to deal with it. That means in order to break the cycle, I have to remain strong and knowing now that I can not always do that on my own, I need a support group. Someone right here right now kinda thing to help me stay strong through the weak moments so that when that cycle of bad events rears its ugly head, I will be able to remain strong. I get it now, I really do. WOW, what a clear vision of the past and now I know how to change the future and break the cycle. That is way too cool.
Thanks everyone for everything, May God bless us all
Roy

PS. Amazing how such clear moments come through such a painful one.

Dan

There is indeed great calm in the eye of the hurricane Roy.
Your ship is sturdy friend.

CRS3

Roy, I can't tell you how much I have just learned from reading what your going through. 20yrs of drinking and Ive never tried to quit. Im feeling alot of what you described and Im still drinking. I cant even comprehend what It's
going to feel like. But then after all these years I cant really comprehend what if feels like to be sober. Im clueless. Anyway, this post is not about me i'ts about you. I just wanted to tell you I think you demonstrated a massive amount of courage.I wish you luck and keep talking. The more I read on this site the more I learn. After only two days here I feel somewhat at home.
Thanks Roy
---J

In memory of miracle

It sounds like you have learned some great truths thru your pain..I want you to know I am pullin for you and sendin prayers out to you...

Anna

Roy,

You're doing great and you're so right that you can't do this alone. Most of us can't and reach out one way or another. The group on this site offers a great deal of support and understanding and has always been there for me when I've been feeling down. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I know you're going to make it and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love, Anna

True Blue

Roy, sending you hugs & prayers.

tryinagain

Welcome jay and stick around, there are good people here and drinking or not are always welcomed warmly. The people here are the greatest. They helped me get through the first time around and I actually started helping others then I did not fall, I jumped off the wagon due to a serious family tragedy. By the way everyone, Chy being the very wonderful person she is cleaned up the other thread for obvious reasons by my request. Anyway, I too drank for over 20 yrs and quit in Feb for the first real time then fell hard like I said. So I know what I am experiencing and I am not going to die even though it feels like it right now, it gets better after a little while which seems like an eternity. When you can hear the tick of each second on the clock, you realize how much an hour much less a day is really all about. Because trust me, if you decide to give it up, you will hear each and every one for awhile. You do not realize how much your body becomes addicted to the stuff until you try to give it up and the ton of bricks hits you. I cannot properly explain hardcore withdrawal if I wanted to except that you look forward to it being over so you feel better. If after 20 years you have never taken a break, I suggest either inhouse treatment and/or serious doctors assistance. True detox can kill you, literally. I did it cold turkey the first time and am suffering from the same decision this time but I can and will make it because even though it does not feel like it for awhile, it does get better. This time I am not as confused by what I feel because I know what it is and I know that it passes with time. It is hard to believe that when you are there but it does pass. I am very thankful to have these caring, loving , kind people to share with and I know that it gets better. Unfortunately, it gets worse first for awhile. This truly helps so keep coming back. Thank you all so much for your kindness and support, it means the world to me right now and did before too, which is why I am back. Thanks again everyone, I am suckin right now but I know this too will pass and there is light on the other side. Right Dan...love your sig man. Take care all, I need more water now, figure that right, hell it is all I can hold down..again.
Hanging Tough...again
Roy

Dan

To be polite for our friends Roy,
I'll just say I stand in awe of your brass...knuckles.
This is true service man.

tryinagain

While I type this with shaking hands and wringing out the sweat in my t-shirt. Trying to see through the pain and blurred eyes I will stand tall and remind us all of a few things we may or may not know.

Alcohol is a solvent and like any other can and will kill you. This can either be through overdose or slow amounts over time. Like any other poisonous solvent, it has a slow and methodical method of doing so. If you took a thumbfull of gasoline or paint thinner every day, you would be dead in a period of weeks or months. This stands true for alcohol as well.

While alcohol makes you feel "better" or "happy", few understand how it actually does this. There are chemicals in the brain that do different jobs. Some make you happy or sad while others keep your heart beating and relay messages for your limbs to move. Alcohol increases the amount of the ones that make us sleepy and happy at the same time decreases all others. Motor skills (moving things on your body) are shutting down along with repititious motions like heartbeat and breathing. Too much of this and they will stop..IE alcohol poisoning. Slurred speech, stumbling etc are results of a nearing of this point as is passing out. Over time and repitition the result will be the same.

Another affected area is logic, reason and memory. Therefore you will forget more, sooner. Have poor judgement and reduced logic skills. This is what starts the cycle of losing ones job due to missed work (calling in because of hangover=withdrawal). This leads to money problems which results in family problems. The reduced logic and reason leads to family arguments or a lack of understanding as you why we drink.

The only difference between illegal street drugs and alcohol is that one is legal. They will both kill you equally over time and methodically strip you of everything, mainly your life meaning you will die.

Any questions??

Thank you everyone,
Roy

mooselips

Hey Roy,
You're doing good.
It's gonna get better......remember???

keep on keeping on.........

Anna

Roy,

I'm glad to hear from you and it sounds like you're doing ok, considering. Things will be looking much better soon. You know you're helping all of us, newbies and oldtimers as well. Sending you positive thoughts.

Love, Anna

In memory of miracle

Must be nearin day one ! Hang in there ! We are pullin for you ! Prayers...

1Marty

Thats great Roy. I often wonder how it is justified that alcohol is leagal and another drug like marijuana is not.

Thanks for sharing Roy. Your doing ok.

tryinagain

Yep, day one is over..again. The sickness is the same but the body and mind do not fix themselves over a single day. Every day will continue to get better and I know that soon I will feel well again. Lots of water, food when I can and sleep when the mind is ready to allow it again. Been there done it. Even though I know why all this is happening and could even go into the medical explanation of the brain if I had to there is still one question that I stumble with. Knowing all of this and even knowing what triggers me to fall, why do I do it? We all have been there many times and it just makes no good-ol-fashioned sense whatsoever. That one will have to wait. Cant figure out everything in a day, especially with this kind of headache.
I appreciate and thank each and every one of you for being here and sharing this with me again. I hope you are all well and know that you are truly good and caring people, that is a rare quality these days. Thanks again and I need to see if the mind is ready for some sleep without the horrific experience of this morning, still got those visions in my head. Take care and talk to everyone later this morning.
Thanks for being here,
Roy

JaySee

Well done Roy


A question I'm asking myself this morning.

Well done

JC

In memory of miracle

You made it! Sorry I know that noisemaker is kinda loud !As for your question,why? Did you know the definition of insanity ? Its doing the same thing over and over expecting different results..it says somewhere i think in the big book of alcoholics anonymous the illusion that we could drink like normal people has to be smashed...I kept testing that theory ! The BB is good readin it explains alot if you have one pull it out and read..I am pullinfor you ! Prayers ^

Dan

Brass knuckles Roy...
in more ways than one.

tryinagain

Well, the sleep thing did not go as well as planned but that will eventually get better. You know I truly believed that only after two weeks back into the bottle that it would be easier when I quit. You know the rationality...I just need it to get me through "this" and then I will quit again. As bad as "this" is, everyone will understand. Well, everyone but your brain and body that is. And you are right Mir, I cannot drink like a normal person. But then, what is normal? The fact is that I just have to accept that I cannot drink alcohol, period. Anyway guys/gals, gotta get a shower as this "stuff" (cannot call it a normal sweat) is nasty. Thanks for the support and being there for me..again. I hope that is the last time that I have to use that word "again". At least when referring to this kind of thing. Thanks for all the strength Dan and nice new Avatar youve got there. Hell, it could be the same one..could not see sh*& yesterday and still blurry today..lol. When I get to feeling better I am going to have to create something myself even though the monkey pretty much sums it up. I will break free eventually...lol. As for now, back to one day at a time and this is the middle of day two. Like you said Dan 72-96 man..as a famous person here always tells me "rock on" and it will get better. That is about all that I can do for now.
Thanks everyone and I hope you feel better than this today,
Roy