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Old 05-21-2013, 09:55 AM
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Day 20 -> Day 1

Urgh!!

Ok so I made it 20 days with not a drop and last weekend I wanted to have few drinks...
Surprisingly I was able to control myself. I had 2 drinks on Friday, 2 drinks on Saturday but then 6 on Sunday...Even on Sunday I was able to stop at 6 pm and go to bed early so that the drinking didn't effect my work...

Now I feel weird! I'm mentally back where I started. After 20 days sober I felt amazing!! Now it's back to the same "no confidence on me sober, after few drinks I'm so much more social, I feel so horrible not being able to do this for me..."
But then again I feel like I have learned something. I was able to control it and noticed that it wasn't fun at all like that!!! Needing to stop after 2 or even 6 just pissed me off...I felt like I was wasting calories and a good buzz...
I am very happy to see that I was in control and didn't get wasted but it was more painful than being sober...Counting drinks and hours when I need to stop...really not relaxing...and of course worrying about all the money spent...

I think I'm one of those people who wants to go all the way or not at all...

I will choose not at all...At least I tried the third option but it's not for me...

I hope you guys had a better weekend
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Old 05-21-2013, 03:55 PM
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I'm glad you learned something anyway Sassu. Welcome back

D
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:04 PM
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"I think I'm one of those people who wants to go all the way or not at all.."

Me too. Been there done that. Been dry a year, then started drinking as you just described which quickly degenerated into drinking more and more...

Glad you posted. Last time I did that I went totally overboard for over a year after a year of being dry and making a lot of progress.

Anyway... Awesome catch!
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:17 PM
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I too find that when i decided to go back out and drink, i couldn't enjoy myself at all. To be honest, i didn't actually enjoy drinking for a long time before i quit. Also, nothing ruins drinking like having a head full of AA and sobriety. Glad you're back. You may want to write down your experience so you have it for later. How soon we begin to minimalize the effects of our drinking! You will probably have the thought again one day that you can enjoy moderate drinking. An alcoholic's memory is quite selective! I was sober 10 months and i foolishly thought that wine would not get me blasted. Quite wrong of course. Vodka, wine, beer? It all gets you drunk and the old misery settles in you again. Again, i'm so glad you didn't spend a long time back in the drinking world. Welcome back!
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:42 PM
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Yeah...like you can see I was able to do two drink on Fri and Sat and then it jumped to 6... If I would've had Monday off I would've gone all the way...
I'm happy I didn't. It easier to stop now since the withdrawals are not that bad.

I can't wait to top my 20 days!!! :o)

Thank you for not judging me. I can do it very well to myself..
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by sassu78 View Post
Urgh!!

Ok so I made it 20 days with not a drop and last weekend I wanted to have few drinks...
Surprisingly I was able to control myself. I had 2 drinks on Friday, 2 drinks on Saturday but then 6 on Sunday...Even on Sunday I was able to stop at 6 pm and go to bed early so that the drinking didn't effect my work...

Now I feel weird! I'm mentally back where I started. After 20 days sober I felt amazing!! Now it's back to the same "no confidence on me sober, after few drinks I'm so much more social, I feel so horrible not being able to do this for me..."
But then again I feel like I have learned something. I was able to control it and noticed that it wasn't fun at all like that!!! Needing to stop after 2 or even 6 just pissed me off...I felt like I was wasting calories and a good buzz...
I am very happy to see that I was in control and didn't get wasted but it was more painful than being sober...Counting drinks and hours when I need to stop...really not relaxing...and of course worrying about all the money spent...

I think I'm one of those people who wants to go all the way or not at all...

I will choose not at all...At least I tried the third option but it's not for me...

I hope you guys had a better weekend
I know just where you are coming from.

I have had months of sobriety for many years just to slip, out of the blue.
Presently I am finding great reinforcement at AA meetings and a morning prayer to take one day at a time.

I used to record my beers in bars in a note book. One guy said " Are you mad?"
After noting four or five pots the notes became more and more muddled. Not a good idea, and only one an alcoholic would apply.
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