One of those sleepless nights filled with anxiety
 

I've been sleeping like a baby lately...and suddenly tonight my mind wants to come haunt me again. All of my guilt, anxiety, worries, fears....have come to visit. And I'm freaking out.
Normally I'd go for a drink. But that will never be an option for me ever again. HOW do you stop obsessing over past guilt? Stop trying to find a way to "fix" things you've messed up? I've managed to convince myself in the past hour that my kids are going to hate me when theyre older because my husband wants a divorce, because of my drinking. Really, why cant I just think about now...the moment that really matters. My kids are safe in bed, certianly not mad at me. And divorce papers aren't even filed for me to be driving myself insane thinking about the outcome. I want my family, I want my marriage, I want my kids to have the family they deserve.....
HOW DO I GET OVER THE GUILT???:cries3:

When I'm anxious, I meditate. When I'm REALLY anxious, I practice meditation for the rest of us: I put on the TV or a video game or something. Any time an anxious thought pops into my mind I think, Not Now. The feelings of tension I focus on as if they were any other physical feeling, like a sprained ankle. I breathe and just focus on any other thing.

It's not just that things are fine in the moment... it's also that all of your risk assessment is totally unreliable right now because you are wired on stress hormones.

Treat yourself the way you would if someone slipped drugs into your soda. There's no use trying to think about anything important right now, because you're not in the right state of mind. Put on a funny movie or something else mindless and just wait it out.

(In the same vein: if you can't sleep, don't stress about it. Worse case scenario, you're a little tired tomorrow. No big deal. Way easier to deal with than a hangover. If sleep isn't coming, don't push it).

Thanks fantail. The anxiety is going down a bit. I hate feeling like this!

Only one way to resolve the guilt, be the best parent you can ever be from now on... day by day it will get easier.

When I'm trying to sleep and have too much anxiety I put the tv or some music on a 30minute timer... and I listen to that whilst I try to sleep and then it switches off. If I'm not asleep after 30minutes I do the same. It stops you being able to obsess with your own thoughts.

Still awake. My youngest will be awake in about an hour. I'm not thinking of ways to approach my husband about trying to be my support for a few months....then decide on divorce. I can't handle all of this. Not drinking is hard enough not having to live with constant stress of possible divorce, just moving out of state, staying at his parents house and....I was just told my mom has liver disease.