Day 1 again.

Old 05-20-2013, 11:51 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
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Day 1 again.

The marriage issues changed. The trust I had in him was broken. I focused too much on micro managing his life. Ego and self centeredness. I drank to get revenge on him. I lied to my kids and then told the truth the next day. I drank again that night when they went to bed. Shame, remorse for me being a psychotic wife, fear of change. Fear of following through a divorce, fear or the truth I was trying so hard to obtain from him. I knew it was coming. I didn't stop it. And I drank myself into a situation that fortunately will pass. Impending doom is how I feel right now. I'm exhausted and scared again, but I'm not drinking. I have spent a majority of the last 6+ months sober. This is my second relapse. This is hopefully my last relapse. I don't know if I could have another recovery in me.

I spent quite a lot of time with my sponsor today and I finally understand that I don't have to make a decision today in regards to divorce. I took the option off the table until I have a year of sobriety. Today I am grateful for recovery options and I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to still have the option to work on my marriage. I have a lot to work on.

I just wanted to share, because maybe I can help someone with my story.
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Old 05-20-2013, 11:58 PM
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I'm sorry for all that FT.
Sounds like you're thinking a lot more clearly now though?

welcome back

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Old 05-21-2013, 12:29 AM
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Hi, Fallingtogether.

Sorry you are going through such a tough situation now.

Thanks for sharing and be so honest. Sending you strength and positive thoughts to go through this and change things for better.

Take care.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:22 AM
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Hi FT -- I hope today is a great day for you. Sending hope and love your way.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:31 AM
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Join Date: May 2013
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Been in those shoes I can tell you though it gets better if you stay sober today. I got through a divorce as well - very hard but stayed sober thanks to God, my sponsor and my AA home group. Your sponsor is right - just deal with today and tomrrow will take care of itself. Hang in there and know that the #1 most important thing you can do is to stay sober. The rest takes a lot of time to work out, and there will be pain and worry because none of us are perfect at this stuff, but if you are meeting priority #1, it will work out better than you could imagine. God bless
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