Day 1 again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
Posts: 548
Day 1 again.
The marriage issues changed. The trust I had in him was broken. I focused too much on micro managing his life. Ego and self centeredness. I drank to get revenge on him. I lied to my kids and then told the truth the next day. I drank again that night when they went to bed. Shame, remorse for me being a psychotic wife, fear of change. Fear of following through a divorce, fear or the truth I was trying so hard to obtain from him. I knew it was coming. I didn't stop it. And I drank myself into a situation that fortunately will pass. Impending doom is how I feel right now. I'm exhausted and scared again, but I'm not drinking. I have spent a majority of the last 6+ months sober. This is my second relapse. This is hopefully my last relapse. I don't know if I could have another recovery in me.
I spent quite a lot of time with my sponsor today and I finally understand that I don't have to make a decision today in regards to divorce. I took the option off the table until I have a year of sobriety. Today I am grateful for recovery options and I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to still have the option to work on my marriage. I have a lot to work on.
I just wanted to share, because maybe I can help someone with my story.
I spent quite a lot of time with my sponsor today and I finally understand that I don't have to make a decision today in regards to divorce. I took the option off the table until I have a year of sobriety. Today I am grateful for recovery options and I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to still have the option to work on my marriage. I have a lot to work on.
I just wanted to share, because maybe I can help someone with my story.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Fallingtogether.
Sorry you are going through such a tough situation now.
Thanks for sharing and be so honest. Sending you strength and positive thoughts to go through this and change things for better.
Take care.
Sorry you are going through such a tough situation now.
Thanks for sharing and be so honest. Sending you strength and positive thoughts to go through this and change things for better.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
Been in those shoes 
I can tell you though it gets better if you stay sober today. I got through a divorce as well - very hard but stayed sober thanks to God, my sponsor and my AA home group. Your sponsor is right - just deal with today and tomrrow will take care of itself. Hang in there and know that the #1 most important thing you can do is to stay sober. The rest takes a lot of time to work out, and there will be pain and worry because none of us are perfect at this stuff, but if you are meeting priority #1, it will work out better than you could imagine. God bless
I can tell you though it gets better if you stay sober today. I got through a divorce as well - very hard but stayed sober thanks to God, my sponsor and my AA home group. Your sponsor is right - just deal with today and tomrrow will take care of itself. Hang in there and know that the #1 most important thing you can do is to stay sober. The rest takes a lot of time to work out, and there will be pain and worry because none of us are perfect at this stuff, but if you are meeting priority #1, it will work out better than you could imagine. God bless
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