All of my past Mondays
 

Today was my 14th sober Monday in a row. And the 14th Monday in a row that I have shown up for work reliably.

That may sound like nothing to a normal person but, as I was thinking it through today, I realized that I maybe, maybe, had 14 Mondays at work last year. And likely none of them without a wicked hangover or still pretty drunk.

Mondays were always the worst, especially late in my drinking days. For years, I used to party Friday and Saturday nights and, during football season at least, drink for most of the day on Sunday at friend’s houses or the bar.

But the last two or three years of my active alcoholism were characterized by me counting the hours until 6:30PM on Friday when I could escape home to my apartment, crack open what would be the first of many bottles of wine, and drink until I passed out. Sure, maybe a happy hour kicked it off here and there but, since I was most comfortable drinking alone in the end so I could ensure both the amount and frequency, I normally just headed straight home. And right there and then commenced the weekend bender. Friday would bleed into drinking all day Saturday and Sunday, ignoring the phone, doing stupid stuff on the computer I would inevitably regret on Monday, and then trying, trying, to get myself into some semblance of order to go to work on Monday.

Dehydrated, shaky, stomach in knots from not eating for two days, blinding headache, and blistering anxiety attacks---needless to say I normally did not make it in on Monday. Sometimes not Tuesday either because I would inevitably drink Monday to try to alleviate the symptoms of my weekend binge.

To this day I still marvel at the fact that I wasn't fired. That my direct supervisor and boss are also alcoholics “helped,” but, still, I was skating on very thin ice there at the end.

Today I went in an hour late because I had a dentist appointment I forgot to mark on the shared office calendar. When I arrived, my boss (still currently drinking) came up to me and said, “Are you OK? Rough weekend, huh?”

It took me a minute and then I realized: She thought I had a hangover! She thought I was late because I had been drinking!

I was shocked and almost rushed to defend myself and then realized how stupid that move would have been as well. So I just said, “No, dentist, actually.”

Wow. What a difference 14 weeks of sober Mondays makes. But just because I had temporarily “forgotten” I was a drunk, didn't mean they had. Good reminder that although it’s good to celebrate small successes, years and years of drinking behavior follows behind you.

Great post capote. At the end of my drinking I too would go to work with a wicked hangover...every day was like a Monday. All the things you mentioned, stomach in knots, anxiety attacks...phew, really brought me back. I still feel so grateful waking up sober and clear headed, no anxiety, no need for visine, no dizziness from dehydration (a possible lingering buzz driving to work). You sound awesome and I am so happy you are really enjoying and appreciating sobriety. The gifts are seemingly endless.

congratulations ptcapote :)

D

I hope today was my last hungover Monday!

Congratulations on your fourteen happy beginnings.

You handled the question about the weekend so gracefully, ptcapote.

Congratulations on the 14 weeks , you are an inspiration to me and many.

14 weeks is fabulous!!! YOU ROCK PT!

Congratulations on 14 weeks and thank you for an excellent thought provoking post.:thanks

I was just thinking about this today. I took some vitamins on an empty stomach and got a bit queasy until I ate something. It was shocking to realize: I used to feel like this every single day. Towards the end I was actually throwing up a couple of times a week.

Sometimes when I'm fatigued and cranky I think, "this is no better than being a drunk!" Thanks for this post. You describe it so well and help me remember that anything is better than that old feeling.

Congratulations on 14 weeks!!! :)

I remember years ago showing up on a Monday when I didn't drink on the weekend,it was so nice not to be green and hungover.

Good for you!!!!

Thank you for posting, I've time off work just now and using the time to get sober. What you said is just so inspiring for me. I was getting to the stage where my brain was telling me "you know maybe you should just quit you'll get by somehow" what I was really thinking that I could just drink and not have to suffer working with hangovers! I need my job, addiction thinking stinks right enough!
I want to count the sober Mondays too. All the best to you.

Thanks. Your description of the pain you faced when drinking matched mine perfectly. Thanks for the reminder and well done on 14 weeks.

ptcapote

Yes, yes, yes! I used to go into work hungover all the time. It was horrible. I did crappy work.
And my vacation days went to the days I was so hungover I couldn't face work. Many times just out of abject disappointment in myself.

These days it feels SO much better. In fact, that's one of the main things that stops me from drinking - I know the next day at work will be pure hell. I like being able to be on top of things.

:ushup: