courage2

Hi all, I've got a little more than 5 months substance free, after many years of pretty much daily use of alcohol, plus other substances thrown in off and on. I'm in AA, have a sponsor, go to meetings, do service.

Problem (or is it?): I'm far from being on a pink cloud. I've had a few days where I felt relatively optimistic and content to be sober, but not that many. I had a run of maybe 3 good days in a row last week and crashed yesterday afternoon. Most of the time I'm exhausted, anxious, or sad, or some combination of those.

Question: Is this normal at my stage of recovery, or should I be looking into individual counseling?

Thanks for your thoughts.

GracieLou

Congrats on 5 months!

I don't know if there is a right answer. Everyone is different. Some of your symptoms sound like maybe depression.

Sounds like a trip to a doctor or seeing a therapist would not hurt any.

ScottFromWI

I am coming up on 5 months and still have some bad days too ( anxiety, etc ). I've been to the Doc 2 times since I quit and everything comes back normal, but it is a bit unsettling at times. I keep reminding myself that I did a lot of damage to my body over the years, especially the 5 recent years before I quit where I drank a lot every day. I think it just takes time to undo it all. Definitely see a doc if you have concerns though, it doesn't hurt anything to check.

Anna

Congratulations on 5 months!

I had no pink cloud whatsoever. But, I did feel better physically, emotionally and spiritually because of the work I was doing. However, it was slow going and it took awhile before I felt really positive about my life. I had a huge amount of guilt and shame to work through and it took many months to begin to feel that I could actually move forward with my life.

I would ask you what changes have you made in your life in the five months? If you feel that counselling might help, then go for it. The main thing to remember is that it will get better.

tomsteve

5 months!?!?!?!?!


at this time, i would strongly enocourage you to get to that counseling. this is when underlying mental disorders will show.

but i am glad ya didnt get on a pink cloud. ive seen quite a few who did get on one of them and they didnt have a pink parachute.

stevet

I had a very similar experience recently with about the same amount of time in the rooms. Every day I felt down and depressed and wondered why I was putting myself through this. All I was thinking was now I know why I drank, the booze had gone but I was still there with my head, it felt like I was in constant emotional pain. The good news is that I found a way out, not sure if this will help but this is what happened to me. I realised that I was living in my pain because as far i was concerned this is how it was going to be from now, no joy just crap. It turns out that it felt much worse because I couldn't see an end in sight but hadn't realised this at all, I was adding to the pain without knowing it. I talked to others who had been through exactly the same thing in their first year and they all found the other side to peace and joy, they told me it was guaranteed and i trusted their advice. Suddenly the pain seemed a little easier to deal with once I knew it was normal and would pass, I just had to accept that to get well I had to pass through some emotional pain. Once I accepted fully that this feeling was temporary and I didn't need to fight it, it really started to fade, as i got faith that it would pass the same as everyone else it went completely. I am not sure if this is any help at all but it is what happened to me. Good luck!

Dee74

I never had a pink cloud either courage - I'm not sure I'd trust a life of unending bliss anyway

but I did notice as my recovery moved on that my bad days were becoming just that - bad days, not bad weeks.

I think the main difference for me is that no matter whats happening, I keep an equilibrium - I call it my sobriety gyroscope.

I have good days and bad days, and good things happen and bad things too - I get sad and anxious and angry and frustrated and some days I'm not too nice to be around...but it passes...

but I'm glad to be me, glad to be alive and living this life and glad to be sober.

If you feel exhausted sad or anxious most of the time, as you said, maybe there's something else going on?

D

Hollyanne

I am so dang proud of you girl!
And, Tomsteve! I am one of those suckers that didn't have a pink parachute!!!
LOL
I did get tangled in the trees but I survived.

heath480

Congratulations on 5months.

My emotions were all over the place in early sobriety,I was either as high as a kite or crying!Eventually I settled down,but it took a lot longer than 5months

There is no harm in getting checked out by a doctor,the programme of AA is wonderful but sometimes we need outside help.

Wishing you well.

soberclover

Awesome on your 5 months! I have almost 6 months..no pink cloud. We are all alcoholics/addicts but we all got there in different ways at different times. Recovery will be different for all of us too. Don't compare your recovery with someone elses...you are just where you are supposed to be I have ups and I have downs. I chose to do counseling and it has really helped. In addition I'm learning about meditation. I'm also doing a ton of reading. Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennett-Goleman has been great. I'm learning more about Jeffrey Young's work on lifescripts that I'm weaving in to my counseling. Keep up the great work!

least

The first year sober can be full of ups and downs. There's also PAWS to consider. That's the brain healing from the alcohol damage and it shows itself in symptoms like irritability, inability to concentrate, depression, and other symptoms.

PAWS | Digital Dharma


Do see a doctor or counselor if you continue to feel this badly.

FeenixxRising

When did you last have a physical exam? Now might be a good time to have one. There may be some underlying medical issue unrelated to addiction--diabetes or thyroid problems for example. And if you're physically healthy, the exam would allow you to rule out a physical cause.

Also, are you getting any type of exercise? Exercise, or lack of, can affect your mood. A brisk walk for 20 or 30 minutes each day can work wonders.

AnotherPaul

The link above on PAWS is well worth reading. It's my understanding from talking to my sponsor, a counselor, and others that PAWS can last anywhere from a few weeks up to as long as 12 to 18 months depending on the individual.

Exercise, a good diet, and plenty of sleep (aided of course by exercise and a good diet) should all help. But talking to a counselor could certainly be a good idea as well. Meditation is also well documented to help with anxiety issues. Give yourself as many tools in your toolbox as you can.

courage2

Thanks everyone. I get exercise and eat decently, and I did get a physical a few months ago, where everything checked out ok. I think this -- what should I call it -- bleakness? is probably just the effect of starting to glimpse the wreckage of my past, plus early sobriety, plus anxiety about some normally stressful family things and work.

I think I'll wait on counseling -- I'm definitely not in crisis. It sounds from most people's replies like the answer to my question is, yes, pretty normal.

Thanks again.