What is next?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
What is next?
Hey Everyone, I am new to this so please give me a chance on this forum. Thank you for being here. Right now I am in a place of gratitude that right now this moment I am sober. Right now this moment I don't feel like using and am I glad earlier tonight when the opportunity arose and I had a craving. Not sure exactly how this all works however I know I want to be sober. I need to be sober. I want to be happy. I want to be sucessfull. I want to be honest and move forward. Never before did I listen to just one day at a time. However I followed the reccommondations of several sober people I know and attented NA twice last week. The messages were strong and resignated well. How do you handle cravings? They will pass right? How long usually? What about persistent ones? What about the impulses? Instant gratification? Right now, I even am thinking about internet shopping, for what? I don't know but I will get instant gratification and then another when I get my package of whatever I dont' need and shouldnt spend money on. I see that I am so much happier, a better mom, a better partner, a more attentive person, a nicer, calmer person sober. I can look in the mirror and see me. It was like I was blind before and couldn't see myself. I thought being high and having this spotless house and running in circles was making things work. I see now that nothing was working. I was just spinning keeping it all together. Any thoughts, reccomendations, ideas, works of encouragement will be greatly appreicated. Please dont beat me up, I do enough of that myself. If anyone reads or has read "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, its awesome and all about VULNERABILITY. I am ready to be vulnerable to the real world. To face and it and to deal. Please help me if you can. 
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
Hi jluv! I'm fairly new here myself...joined about 5 days ago! I think you will find a family full of support here!! Nobody will beat you up or judge you or put you down!! We are all basically in the same boat! I have gotten so much support and encouragement since I joined..it is so good to know that if I am having a bad day or struggling, I can come here and post or just read other posts and it really does help!! Somebody else FINALLY understands!!! And that makes me feel that I really CAN do this!!
If you don't mind me asking, what is your addiction?? And how many days sober?? If you want to private message it that is fine...just curious...that way I know what info you are asking for..my addiction is to opiates..I have been off the opiates for 6 days now...and today has been my toughest day mentally! I will answer any questions I can...and you will find that everybody here is so willing to help and offer support!
You can do this!! Admitting you have a problem and getting help is a HUGE step!!! So glad to have you here! Keep coming back and posting!!
If you don't mind me asking, what is your addiction?? And how many days sober?? If you want to private message it that is fine...just curious...that way I know what info you are asking for..my addiction is to opiates..I have been off the opiates for 6 days now...and today has been my toughest day mentally! I will answer any questions I can...and you will find that everybody here is so willing to help and offer support!
You can do this!! Admitting you have a problem and getting help is a HUGE step!!! So glad to have you here! Keep coming back and posting!!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Hi Jluv 
I think the best thing is to read around, get an idea of the place and the kind of things people do to stay sober.
For me it all followed from a commitment to stay sober - that took a little work, a lot of changes and a ton of support.
once I had all that in place, I was able then to sort out the rest of my life and who I was and what I wanted and all of that.
I'm glad you've found us - I recommend the Class of May thread as a great place to start - it's for everyone quitting or wanting to quit this month
D
I think the best thing is to read around, get an idea of the place and the kind of things people do to stay sober.
For me it all followed from a commitment to stay sober - that took a little work, a lot of changes and a ton of support.
once I had all that in place, I was able then to sort out the rest of my life and who I was and what I wanted and all of that.
I'm glad you've found us - I recommend the Class of May thread as a great place to start - it's for everyone quitting or wanting to quit this month
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Thanks so much for responding. I was inpatiently waiting and thinking I must have done something wrong. I am so grateful. I have been addicted to opiates (prescription oc and non presciption h) for about 6 years. I have quit before for about 40 days, 14 months, 7 month and 10 months all at different times throughout the 6 years. I now have since Thursday evening sober, after a 34 day using stint. I currently am 30 years old. I have been to rehab, I am in intensive outpatient. I have depression, PTSD and huge anxiety issues. Today I actually made in through WalMart in the daylight with my toddler and partner. Wow. It took a lot. I actually was much more able to respond to my sons needs rather then tune his anxiety/sensory issues out. Anyway Congratulations on being sober. Thank you for being here. The thing I like about this is that I don't ahve to text someone and wonder if I am bothering them. I am a firm believer in paying it forward, what goes around comes around. This site is a great place to be able to do just that. Have either of you heard of Brene Brown? If not I highly highly reccommend to google her name and tune in to her speech on TED Speaks/Talks. It will come right up on google. I promise you it will be worth 20 minutes, please. I am reading the book now and couldn't be happier learning all of what she has to teach. It applies well to addiction and the battle within.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
I have not heard of her, but I will go check her out!
I know what you mean about figuring things out! I was so anxious after I posted my first thread! I wondered what people thought of me after I posted it! Then I worried that nobody would respond to me..I'm still learning to navigate the site!
Congrats on being sober!!! Congrats on putting yourself out there and looking for help!! That was a HUGE thing for me! I'm pretty private so it was a big issue for me to do such a thing! But I have not regretted it at all!! And I've noticed, that even if nobody reads or responds to me,it makes me feel better just to get this stuff off of my chest and "on paper", so to speak...I can go back and read what I wrote and it's kind of like "WOW! I didn't realize I felt like that!" Very therapeutic for me! This is my first time coming off of opiates so I'm unsure of alot of things...and on my 6th day...
Keep your head up!! Keep coming back!! We are here for you!
I know what you mean about figuring things out! I was so anxious after I posted my first thread! I wondered what people thought of me after I posted it! Then I worried that nobody would respond to me..I'm still learning to navigate the site!
Congrats on being sober!!! Congrats on putting yourself out there and looking for help!! That was a HUGE thing for me! I'm pretty private so it was a big issue for me to do such a thing! But I have not regretted it at all!! And I've noticed, that even if nobody reads or responds to me,it makes me feel better just to get this stuff off of my chest and "on paper", so to speak...I can go back and read what I wrote and it's kind of like "WOW! I didn't realize I felt like that!" Very therapeutic for me! This is my first time coming off of opiates so I'm unsure of alot of things...and on my 6th day...
Keep your head up!! Keep coming back!! We are here for you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
I read your message Rdy2live and I can't seem to reply even though I wrote a big long reply? did you get it?
For today, I went to counseling from 12-2 and it was a lot of mumbo jumbo that I have heard many times in that group. Reminders are always good though. I also learned from my peers I am not the only one who is struggling. Then this evening I went to a na meeting. The topic was isolation. There are so many ways we isolate ourselves it almost becomes normal. This topic hit home big. I isolate from the people who love me, I isolate from myself and I also isolate my direct family because of my own fears, insecurities and worries. I've noticed when I isolate I become engrossed in something like say tv shows or something like that. This lets my perspective get warped to negative. I end up going to grocery store and looking at all the women, I end up judging way to quickly, I end up driving and getting angry at someone for an accidental cut off, I end up thinking of all this negative stuff instead of the beautiful people and surroundings around me. I live somewhere super pretty, I have someone who loves me and has loved me through thick and thin. I don't how many more times he will stand by. Right now he feels like sometimes I walk all over him and thats not good. It's not what I want either. I want him to respect me and me to respect him. I know I haven't shown that all the time. I also have a great family who loves me, a house and more then 90% of other people in the world just because we are in America. I mean that statement was huge when someone told me it. I did research and thats true. However I've also learned that you can have everything and still have nothing at all. You can be prettiest girl in the room but the ugliest. I have been there before. I am glad for today. Today isn't over yet. I was proud to wake this morning and know I didn't use. I didnt cave. I felt comfort today knowing I could come here and talk even if no one responds I see others are reading it. I don't talk at na yet but I will get there soon. Listening has helped so much. Sometimes its just best to keep my mouth closed and ears open. As long as my heart is open as well. To all of you, thank you. We all have a disease and unlike those with cancer we can choose to heal ourselves. We are blesssed.
For today, I went to counseling from 12-2 and it was a lot of mumbo jumbo that I have heard many times in that group. Reminders are always good though. I also learned from my peers I am not the only one who is struggling. Then this evening I went to a na meeting. The topic was isolation. There are so many ways we isolate ourselves it almost becomes normal. This topic hit home big. I isolate from the people who love me, I isolate from myself and I also isolate my direct family because of my own fears, insecurities and worries. I've noticed when I isolate I become engrossed in something like say tv shows or something like that. This lets my perspective get warped to negative. I end up going to grocery store and looking at all the women, I end up judging way to quickly, I end up driving and getting angry at someone for an accidental cut off, I end up thinking of all this negative stuff instead of the beautiful people and surroundings around me. I live somewhere super pretty, I have someone who loves me and has loved me through thick and thin. I don't how many more times he will stand by. Right now he feels like sometimes I walk all over him and thats not good. It's not what I want either. I want him to respect me and me to respect him. I know I haven't shown that all the time. I also have a great family who loves me, a house and more then 90% of other people in the world just because we are in America. I mean that statement was huge when someone told me it. I did research and thats true. However I've also learned that you can have everything and still have nothing at all. You can be prettiest girl in the room but the ugliest. I have been there before. I am glad for today. Today isn't over yet. I was proud to wake this morning and know I didn't use. I didnt cave. I felt comfort today knowing I could come here and talk even if no one responds I see others are reading it. I don't talk at na yet but I will get there soon. Listening has helped so much. Sometimes its just best to keep my mouth closed and ears open. As long as my heart is open as well. To all of you, thank you. We all have a disease and unlike those with cancer we can choose to heal ourselves. We are blesssed.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Rdy2live- it jsut came to me. I know what your name stands for that is so awesome! I have came off opiates many of times. Please let me know if you have any questions. I will be more then ready to help if I can. I can't yet respond to your private message but will asap. Let me know any questions
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Join Date: May 2013
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Rdy2live, where are you? Anyone? I have some questions I want to ask you about voiding for testing employment. I have presciption meds I am worried that they will not give me a job if those are in my system because of a past possesssion charge I have which was misdemeanor and they know of it obviously. Can you tell me your experience with this? I mean I know you obviously had prescriptions? Do they check the sex of the pee? As if I didn't want them to know I have depression, ptsd medications in my system, what if I replaced the urine with say someone I know clean but is male? Let me know what you think. I also took a test today and the line was so faint but there. I don't know if that will be good enough. I test tomorrow by around 4pm. Any help from anyone is greatly appreciated. I also have an subutex script which I am hesistant of them knowing. They do urine tests at their facility and I don't know if it's sent to lab or a quick read? Or both? Please help. ANYONE? Thank you so much.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by jluv83864 
Rdy2live, where are you? Anyone? I have some questions I want to ask you about voiding for testing employment. I have presciption meds I am worried that they will not give me a job if those are in my system because of a past possesssion charge I have which was misdemeanor and they know of it obviously. Can you tell me your experience with this? I mean I know you obviously had prescriptions? Do they check the sex of the pee? As if I didn't want them to know I have depression, ptsd medications in my system, what if I replaced the urine with say someone I know clean but is male? Let me know what you think. I also took a test today and the line was so faint but there. I don't know if that will be good enough. I test tomorrow by around 4pm. Any help from anyone is greatly appreciated. I also have an subutex script which I am hesistant of them knowing. They do urine tests at their facility and I don't know if it's sent to lab or a quick read? Or both? Please help. ANYONE? Thank you so much.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Yes they are medications from my Dr. I have the bottles. The faint line on the home drug test today was I guess because I am still dirty from Thursday night 5/16 around 10pm. That really surprised me. I almost went today to ua without testing myself or thinking twice then I failed that home test. I basically based because there was a faint line but to them and myself that is fail. I am scared. I need and want this job. This job is one of the motivators for me still being clean today. I want it, I need it and I will work hard for it. Any info is greatly appreciated.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
I just was reading and things like this pop up...BTW I am on subs for chronic pain and opiate mangement as I imagine a lot of people are.
"Today bupe does not show up on a standard test. There is talk of adding it, however, some time in the future. It was thought that bupe/sub was only used for treatment of opiod abuse, and therefore denying a job because of a positive could be considered discriminatory.
The real question is, are you on Sub because you are in treatment, in which case you have an RX or are you taking street Sub? If you have an Rx there is nothing to worry about regardless. If you are taking street sub, it might be time to go into treatment. Either way, unless the lab specifically asks for the expensive specific test for buprenorphine it will be a negative.
"Today bupe does not show up on a standard test. There is talk of adding it, however, some time in the future. It was thought that bupe/sub was only used for treatment of opiod abuse, and therefore denying a job because of a positive could be considered discriminatory.
The real question is, are you on Sub because you are in treatment, in which case you have an RX or are you taking street Sub? If you have an Rx there is nothing to worry about regardless. If you are taking street sub, it might be time to go into treatment. Either way, unless the lab specifically asks for the expensive specific test for buprenorphine it will be a negative.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
Hey jluv! Sorry I missed your posts last night! I actually got some much needed sleep last night! My nephew and I had walked the dogs late yesterday afternoon after dinner...and food still is not setting well with my tummy so I laid down not feeling well..and I guess my body was finally tired enough and I slept!
I'm glad to hear you went to meetings yesterday! And I agree with you, sometimes it does help me just to keep my ears open..and my eyes...coming here to read helps even when I don't comment..
I haven't gotten your message yet..I will keep my eyes open for it...
I'm having a really hard day today...I'm not feeling well..my thoughts are kinda all over the place today...not concentrating too well...
I hope today is a good day for you! I hope this job works out for you! I'm gonna get off here for abit..but I will come back and check in after a little while!
Everybody keep your heads up and keep on fighting!!!!
I'm glad to hear you went to meetings yesterday! And I agree with you, sometimes it does help me just to keep my ears open..and my eyes...coming here to read helps even when I don't comment..
I haven't gotten your message yet..I will keep my eyes open for it...
I'm having a really hard day today...I'm not feeling well..my thoughts are kinda all over the place today...not concentrating too well...
I hope today is a good day for you! I hope this job works out for you! I'm gonna get off here for abit..but I will come back and check in after a little while!
Everybody keep your heads up and keep on fighting!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Rdy2live,
How are you? I can't message you yet. I was addicted to oxy contin after being prescribed it for 15 years, from age 13 to 28. I had some hard days, mostly nights are hard for me. I actually ran to gas station one night on my way from work at 10pm and the drug dealer was there. I said hello and then bought some lottery tickets and went home. After I got home my brain was really messing with me. I made it though and when I woke up in the morning I was so glad I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I woke up and was there for my son, I was there for my bf and I was ready and happy to work. At night when I am home, I am often alone and bored. I have realized one of my main triggers is being bored. Even if I have things to do , time to spare is not good for me. I hope you write soon. I worked 4/12 hour shifts wednesday thru saturday so I'm sorry I wasn't on here. REMEMBER one day at a time.
How are you? I can't message you yet. I was addicted to oxy contin after being prescribed it for 15 years, from age 13 to 28. I had some hard days, mostly nights are hard for me. I actually ran to gas station one night on my way from work at 10pm and the drug dealer was there. I said hello and then bought some lottery tickets and went home. After I got home my brain was really messing with me. I made it though and when I woke up in the morning I was so glad I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I woke up and was there for my son, I was there for my bf and I was ready and happy to work. At night when I am home, I am often alone and bored. I have realized one of my main triggers is being bored. Even if I have things to do , time to spare is not good for me. I hope you write soon. I worked 4/12 hour shifts wednesday thru saturday so I'm sorry I wasn't on here. REMEMBER one day at a time.
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