stayalive

Unsocial but in saying that, even after a little less than 2 weeks sober i can feel LOADS of other benefits. The main 2 was that alcohol was making my general anxiety and depression worse so i was even a mess in my own company.

I've only been on here about a week and i can already see that there's an abundance of great support for everyone. so stick around and get better.

bigsombrero

Learning how to socialize and have fun without drinking? That's a complicated question. I think, first, you have to redefine the term "have fun" because it ain't gonna be like it was. There was NOTHING I didn't do socially as a drinker - so when I cut drinking out of my life, I cut my most of my social activities off as well.

I built new ones. It's not an easy road and it takes a while, I'm just 10.5 months sober and am only beginning to feel okay about my social life. But, I would have died if I didn't take this road, so it's worth it. Are you ready for a commitment to sobriety? Are you ready to even face that question?

sacha

Thank you everybody so much for your replies. I am ready to be sober, I have had enough of wasted time & crazy embarrassing moments. I am starting with this week. I usually don't drink during the week, the challenge comes on Fridays & Saturdays.
Cutting activities--the problem is that I don't do any activities. I just drink at home, & talk to my mom when drinking, or grandparents, or friends on the phone. After all it may not even be anxiety, because it's not like I am intimidated by my relatives...just bored....
Boredom. Yes. It is NOT fun to do anything sober, even not fun to have sex or talk to my bf, even to listen to him (& he is very smart & interesting) is NOT fun.

Dee74

You really need to challenge that mindset.

The first few weeks are not likely to be fun - early recovery isn't. Thats just the blunt truth.

But early recovery is not recovery...things get better.

life without booze is interesting and fun and joyous and can be everything you want it to be

you didn't really answer my question before - what kinds of things do you tell your clients to do when they come to you with these problems?

D

sacha

Dee, to answer your question...I lecture cognitive behavioral therapy (it includes coping skills, how to change obsessive thoughts etc)...It's hard to tell what I tell them on individual basis because it is case by case...But like I said earlier, all the cases are much more hardcore than mine, meaning that they have serious withdrawals, cravings...I don't feel I am there yet...I am sorry I don't really know how to answer your question of what do I tell them...

Thank you for reassuring me that things in life are fun without being drunk. I mean, people do see theaters or watching a movie or having sex as something to look forward to, crave at the end of the day or for the weekend, right??

bigsombrero

I'd be bored too if all I did was sit around and drink around relatives. I'm yawning just thinking about it. Get moving. Real people go to the park, take a trip, take photos and see sights. Real people take bike rides and have bbq's and take cooking classes and learn a new language and walk their dogs. You don't sound like a real person - you sound like a drunk. Or a spoiled teenager who doesn't like the new texting feature on her mobile phone..."meh, it's boooring". Get out there and start creating some sober moments, it starts by putting down the drink.

Dee74

no CBT answers it fine - thanks.
None of us thinks we're that bad - but if you know you should give it up and can't, then it's a problem that needs fixing, I think

You haven't done a CBT analysis on yourself?

D

sacha

That is exactly right-- I am a drunk. I stay indoors & drink, sometimes by myself, I don't do things & when I want to do things, like get out & do them, I can't due to a hangover, like today. I stayed home all day, doing absolutely nothing.

sacha

It does not really work on self....

Dee74

oh ok - thats news to me.

I've done a lot of CBT, but I have no formal training.

I hope you find what you're looking for here
D

sacha

And yes, I am quite bad, I need help, I am actually really bad! But just I mean those patients of mine are real hard core, on methadone etc.

sacha

bigsombrero, I will try this weekend, I will try to do real people things....

sacha

I gotta share though that I decreased my drinking tremendously, when I started working. I used to drink every day. Now it's on the weekends. But I can't stop after one glass. I need to finish a bottle.

Tamerua

When I came here, it was to learn to moderate. I was like you, I was a weekend warrior and I had completely isolated myself, drinking alone and with my partner at home. Didn't need detox, no withdrawal, arrests, legal troubles, etc.

Even though I didn't have that doesn't mean I couldn't. I had the potential. Whatever you are telling your hard core clients can absolutely help you. It is all about no longer living behind a substance (Pinot Grigio for me) and living life sober. Put down the wine and worry about fun/socializing later. That will come in time.

I think Dee's suggestion of joining the May class is great. Someone else said going to AA in another town is a good idea, I think that is a great idea. There are quite a few substance abuse counselors in my meetings.

Best of luck! You can do this.

sacha

Thank you, Tamerua! I can't can't can't risk my confidentiality to find anything in the next town either. How long you been sober? Is your partner sober, too?

Tamerua & Dee, I could NOT find the May class. I was looking for it. Only found March class. Can u send a link, please?

I kept thinking all day about what Bigsombrero said about doing real people activities. I actually am looking forward to this weekend, which is a 3 days weekend & I am looking forward doing sober activities. I already know what I will be doing: studying, getting rid of old clothes, painting, building a website for my paintings. This should keep me occupied, right?

To me what makes things a little hard is that I am in a difficult personal situation & surely was using drinking to blunt my fears.

Can I vent here about my difficult personal situation, too?

My god, thank god for this forum, I already feel so much stronger. I feel like I am going to make it through this whole weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

artsoul

Hi sacha and welcome!

Here's the link to the May group:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

As some of the others have said, don't worry about all the social stuff right now. Start with the small stuff and build from there. Don't worry.... like you're already seeing, you'll get stronger and gain confidence as you go.

Glad you've joined us!

Tamerua

Hi Sacha, I am just over 5 months sober and learning every day. One of the many clues I had that there was a problem was when I was filling out a profile sheet for something and it asked me what my hobbies were, I drew a blank. I didn't know. And that was because I didn't have any. I drank. And watched tv or played on the Internet.

I think that you will find here that you aren't alone, there are going to be tons of people who share a similar story to yours and even those who don't, will be able to sympathize.

I am accessing this from my iPhone so I can't get you a link. You could look at the different threads that Dee has started, surely it will be there.

sacha

Thank you, Tamerua & Artsoul.

I will follow the May link.

My addiction did not make me wait for too long. It's Monday. Generally I would not talk to my mom unless I am drinking, but this time I had a long conversation with her (sober; just now) & surely, here is my addiction kicking...I mean, conversing with someone is A TRIGGER FOR me. So, I thought I'd write about it, in order to put it on paper so it loses its potency (as I tell my clients...)

Oh my god, how f.....p is that! Not being able to converse unless drinking! I mean, I did well, but I started having the thoughts, almost close to obsessive while talking to her.

I can't even imagine how obsessive the thoughts would become if I talk to someone who I am less comfortable with!

sacha

But you know even that simple conversation with my own mom for like 40 minutes was a step for me. So, I will give myself that. I told the addictive thoughts to go f....k themselves & I still actually have to keep telling it because they tell me, u did so well by conversing with someone sober, --reward yourself & relieve the tension, baby (THE TENSION OF TALKING TO OWN MOTHER SOBER!!!!)

Turnz505

Sacha, I am new to this (on day 8) but a week ago I felt exactly how you described. I posted on here and poured my guts out to the people here, I wanted to know if the anxiety would dissipate or if I would ever be able to enjoy life sober again.. Let me tell you that after a week sober, life is getting fun again and the anxiety is leaving. I am able to talk to people again, feel more confident and don't need alcohol to have a conversation. I'm excited for the first time to wake up and live out the day, not fearful of it, and also motivated to get into things I always wanted to do but never could cuz I was waste. Keep in mind I'm only on my second week and it's already getting better.. I have no idea what next week has in store for me. Keep it up!! when was your last drink?

I know exactly what you're going through and trust me, it get's better if you give it a chance. Please feel free to PM me whenever, I will help you in any way that I can. You got this! The first days are ******, irritable, anxious and life seems bleak and pointless.. thats the result of all the drinking and your may have dopamine or seratonin deficiency. Eat well, get 7-8 hrs of sleep (very important to replenish you), and go to meetings because you will leave them feeling inspired and ready to kick this disease in the ass!!

(If you are thinking about meds, just my opinion I don't trust them if they aren't natural. Too many side affects and potential for cross-addiction.. I recommend 5-htp and st. john's wort, they are natural anti-depressants and seratonin boosters with little to no side effects)