new to the forum and wondering about repairing relationships

Old 05-19-2013, 02:36 PM
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new to the forum and wondering about repairing relationships

I'm new to the forum and just wanted to introduce myself so that I will feel comfortable jumping in to some of the other threads. That I have a somewhat problematic relationship with alcohol is certainly not a new revelation, but I've only just decided to stop drinking altogether. I got so drunk yesterday evening that my bf and I had to leave an event we'd been talking about for weeks and then I picked an argument with him on the way home. The only times we've had any significant arguments have been while I've been drinking. I feel like I can usually drink and everything's fine, but when it gets bad, it's just so bad that it's entirely not worth it. I get sad and insecure and confrontational and think that everybody dislikes me, which only makes me act in ways that actually make people (including myself) dislike me.

There are a few things that I'm worried about. Honestly, most of them have to do with my boyfriend. He's unfortunately been the one most affected by my drunken behavior of late. How have you repaired relationships that have been affected by your drinking? I suppose that it just takes time and consistency, but I would really love any words of wisdom that anyone has.
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Old 05-19-2013, 02:41 PM
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Not sure if they qualify as words of wisdom, but I think the best way to repair relationships is to take responsibility, sincerely apologize, commit to sobriety and then walk the talk.

I think aside from that it just takes time for people to see for themselves that you've changed.

Welcome to the forums -- if you're ready to quit this place is a FABULOUS source of support!
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Old 05-19-2013, 02:43 PM
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Welcome wanderingstar! I think you'll feel better by being here. You aren't alone with this.

I did that same sort of thing many times. I'm normally sweet and easy going - but with enough alcohol I become confrontational (perfect way to describe it) and obnoxious. When I behaved that way it was usually around others who were drinking heavily, too. So - no one really thought much of it. That wasn't good - I needed to be made accountable, but never was. So I continued on until things were completely out of control in my life.

It's good that you're asking these questions now - and facing up to the fact that maybe you need to stop all together. As for repairing things - you're right. Consistently sober, sane behavior is the best way to mend things. The most important person to 'impress', though is YOU. Everything else will fall into place. Glad you are here!
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Old 05-19-2013, 02:49 PM
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It sucks that relationships can be so negatively affected by alcohol and drugs. I ruined almost every relationship I had in my life because of alcohol. No one trusted me because I lied constantly to everyone. My words became hallow and empty.

The only way I've found to start repairing relationships is through my own actions. The longer I stay sober, the more my family and friends have started to come around. They see how much I want this.

Stay strong
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Old 05-19-2013, 03:03 PM
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Welcome wandering
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Old 05-19-2013, 03:54 PM
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Hi wanderingstar

I think some things just need time and patience.

I know you're probably focused on your relationship right now, but I think the best thing to do is focus on yourself and your drinking problem - get that sorted, then you can start to figure out all the other stuff

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Old 05-19-2013, 03:59 PM
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Kick the drinking and see how much easier life gets once your over worrying about not drinking.
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Old 05-19-2013, 04:55 PM
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Thank you for your kind and welcoming messages. I appreciate the support. Dee and Hevyn, I think that your advice to try to focus on myself rather than on my relationship is spot-on. I certainly want to make things right in my relationship, and I believe that things will be better with time. At the same time, I think I may be worrying about my relationship as a way to avoid worrying about everything else I need to be doing for myself right now. I'm pretty disappointed with myself right now; I've known in the past that I don't make the best decisions when I drink, and I even stopped drinking for about a year. But when I moved here, it was easy to chalk up my past experiences to being young and stupid, and I didn't think that having a drink or two out and about would be a problem. Obviously, that is not the case. I just feel really embarrassed and stupid at the moment. I know that the only thing to do is to move forward, but I feel really sad at the moment.
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