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23 years of enabling and still going!

Old 05-19-2013, 09:37 AM
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Question 23 years of enabling and still going!

This is day 1 for me on the site as a member. Hello all
My story in brief - my AH and I have been together for 23 years, 18 married, 12 mostly sober and we have a child. I have tolerated verbal abuse, abandonment, financial devastation, cheating, lying, the list goes on. I allowed my self esteem to be completely broken and my value denigrated. And to add insult to injury, I became his therapist. I talked him down/pumped him up after all of his relapses. Total and complete enablement and co-dependency. I gave and gave and gave until I realized I had given myself. Now I have no trust or respect for him or myself.
I recently moved out. I am so toxic with resentment and anger I had to get away from AH to deal with it, if I can. Now I find myself trying to explain my need to be away from him but he doesn't see it. AH thinks since he isn't drinking and his behavior now is much better that all should be well. And I feel guilty for having stored this all in my head for all these years, getting to a point that I had to break up our home to get some relief.
Anyway, that's where I am...trying hard to let go, become powerless and not take 100% responsibility.
Words of wisdom are welcome and appreciated
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Old 05-19-2013, 09:50 AM
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Welcome suke. I can understand how you feel. We have a Friend's and Family thread here on SR, where you'll find lots of support and similar experiences. Again, welcome
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Old 05-19-2013, 10:00 AM
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Hi, Suke. Fairly new here myself, glad you found us. As already mentioned, the Family and Friends thread is probably going to be most helpful for you. Here's a link Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Be sure to check out the sticky'd topics at the top of the page also, some really good educational/inspirational material there.

Everyone here understands where you are at, and there is a lot of experience, strength and hope being shared every single day. Hope you find it as helpful as I have.
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Old 05-19-2013, 10:54 AM
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Thanks for the welcome! I have been reading that forum for a few weeks now. It is incredibly helpful. Also going through the Step Study there as well. Who knew the Steps could be mine and not just my AHs?
Well, y'all probably knew
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Old 05-19-2013, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by suke View Post
Who knew the Steps could be mine and not just my AHs?
Well, y'all probably knew
Well, we are all in the process of LEARNING that, anyway!
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Old 05-19-2013, 11:21 AM
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I'm glad you know you need to make some changes in your life.
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