any help appreciated

Old 05-18-2013, 05:34 PM
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Smile any help appreciated

all of you out there I am sure - will know this anguish
I am nearly 40 years old and this is my first post
I hold down a great job, 2 gorgeous kids and a wife who is only starting to realise how much of a problem my drinking has become
When she confronted me at midnight last week - a full bottle of wine drunk - she didn't realise that was the second one I had raced through.
It is always cold crisp white wine!-nothing else really gives me the craving like thinking about sitting down to 2 full wine bottles - and that is going to be the hardest thing to break
Didn't even drink until 18 -then really got the taste - and now it is dangerous.
My pattern is usually 1 night hitting it hard- then 1 night off - but occasionally I have binges of a few days.
Never miss work though - though I wonder about the quality -I seem to have got away so far with it
I just need to keep remembering that
But here comes the problem - I have swore to my wife that that was it -
and last 7 days have been fine - even better than that - they have been great.
But she is away tomorrow night. and again for longer period later in month
I find myself picturing the bottle open- the minute all is quiet
I honestly just don't know which way tomorrow night will swing
I want to be strong - and it is easy in morning to be strong - but as day creeps on -I can feel the pangs building
I will be at home along with 2 kids - and nobody else around to take my mind off things
Any help - so gratefully appreciated
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Old 05-18-2013, 05:49 PM
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Welcome kpk; I know it's hard to admit to others you're struggling with this - and even harder to admit it to yourself. Sounds like you're on the right track. There's some good support here, look around, read and respond. I am your age, 38, went through treatment almost a year ago. Two bottles of wine per night was normal for me, though I would drink just about anything - it was vodka that nearly killed me in the end, you can read my blog post for details if you're interested.

Admitting you're seeking change is a big first step, but it's no picnic and it's not easy. There are some really strong addictions that are extremely hard to break. Do you have any plans to stop? Posting here is great - start reading around and find people in similar situations, you really do have to take hour-by-hour steps with this in the beginning.

Good luck!
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Old 05-18-2013, 05:49 PM
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Hi kpk

The thing that really helped me was I realised I could be who I wanted to be...or I could drink - but I couldn't do both.

I'm guessing you don't really want to be the 'naughty boy' who sneaks a drink the minute your wife's car disappears down the drive...

it's not attractive in kids, and it's certainly not a good look for guys our age...especially if you're minding the kids.

be who you want to be - you'll find a lot of support here

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Old 05-18-2013, 06:09 PM
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Hi KPK know exactly what you're talking about wine is my DOC two or three a day during binges (which I've just been on and am detoxing from right now) but you don't want to end up like me right now, take Dee's advice and be the person who can hold their head up anywhere
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Old 05-18-2013, 06:37 PM
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thanks guys
I had discussed with my wife about stopping for 2 years - and if i felt i had control again cautiously restarting. (aiming to never drink alone etc)
The more I read here - the more I wonder if this has to be it
Difficult one - do people have success in reintroducing drink ? or is it always life long abstinance
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Old 05-18-2013, 06:45 PM
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I tried to control my drinking for 20 years.
It owned me.

Cutting it out of my life, finally and completely, really worked for me.

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Old 05-18-2013, 06:47 PM
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Hey kpk -

In my experience, this has to be it. I'm an addict - so early on I viewed life without alcohol with a profound sense of loss - I've often likened it to losing an arm, that's a real analogy. It was very hard getting that part through my head - in the early days I would not even dare to let the "never" word creep into my head. I was ashamed to admit it, but I could not drink responsibly. I am an alcoholic.

I don't go to my fantasy baseball drafts anymore, won't go to fantasy football this year either, probably have to quit the league. I don't stick around long at weddings, I have coffee with desert and leave. I go to cafe's every day instead of bars, which I avoid completely. I don't have alcohol in my home and if it's there I will have it taken away. It sounds crazy, but yes that's life now. It was the only way for me to stay alive.

I hate to say it, but your drinking habits and feelings sound pretty familiar. Like I said, in the beginning it's a real grind. I could not have done it without support, glad you are seeking out advice also.
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Old 05-18-2013, 06:58 PM
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For me sobriety works. It takes drinking off the adgenda and i can focus on other stuff. I wasted so much of my life dealing with alcohol.

re wife being away- in the end i had to get to a situation where I could see it was about me and alcohol, no one else. All that lying and hiding, it was all BS to stop me focusing on the fact I was ruining my life.
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:13 PM
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Hi kpk - I'm so glad you joined us. Good that you realize there's a problem and have reached out. Some never see what they're doing to themselves.

As for stopping & then reintroducing - I tried that many times. It always led me back to drinking to excess. I'd vow to just have a drink, but it was always the whole bottle. I was in my 50's before I finally got it - I can't touch the stuff. No such thing as drinking in moderation for me.

You said the last 7 days have been great - and that you love hangover free mornings. I wonder why we can't be satisfied with that good feeling - why do we have to sabotage ourselves? I'd just start to feel like part of the human race again - and to celebrate I'd 'reward' myself with drinks. I'm glad you're taking a look at this now, kpk. I hope you'll keep posting.
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:44 PM
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many thanks to all you guys
I have a lot to think about...
one day at a time
aiming first to say sober tomorrow !
thanks again
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Old 05-19-2013, 07:35 AM
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I'm a little late to the post but I too am around your age with 2 children, a wonderful wife and a great job and am 8 days sober today. In the past I have quit drinking and reintroduced only to fall back into the same habitual binging which lead me to quit in the first place. This time I have finally resolved myself to the fact I just can't drink and have to live the rest of my life without alcohol. I have had some help with my cravings from discovering I had a chemical imbalance which I was self-medicating for but the thought of a beer still creeps up on me some.

As far as motivators, I know the whole diatribe of you have to do this for yourself and no one else or it won't work but my other major motivator is my children. I grew up with an alcoholic dad that was too selfish to recognize how he was ruining my whole family's life. He would get drunk and have screaming matches with my mom and I hate him to this day for that. Although I never behaved in this fashion in front of my girls, I never want them to blame me for making their child hood miserable with something I can control. I want my girls to be proud of me as a strong man who was always there for them. I can't be completely and fully available to them unless I am sober. So, the choice is either drink or be the father to my girls which I never had. Also, the remembering how bad I felt for the first part of the day after a night of binging really drives home I don't want a drink. Good luck and I hope you make the right decisions.
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Old 05-19-2013, 08:55 AM
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I know it's going to be hard when your wife leaves. But remember- you have those babies to watch out for. I quit because I was too hungover to take my cat to ER, husband had to bail us out. I feel so guilty!! It terrifies me to think- if I had kids -what would happen if there were an emergency, and I were drunk. God forbid! Hang in there.
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Old 05-19-2013, 11:41 AM
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I'm 39 years old, great job, one daughter who is 3.

For me it got to a point where I craved the hangover, guilt free mornings more than the drink on an evening.

I completely trust myself now.
If I am on my own, no way would I drink.
If I am with drinkers, no way would I drink.

My life is just completely different now.

It took time and it took some hard work but now I don't equate relaxing with having a drink.
I found the key to my success was changing my routine.
I usually sat on the same spot on the sofa, drinking out of the same glass, watching the same thing on television.

Now I am off the sofa busy, the glass is long since smashed and I hardly watch TV.
I come here every single Day.
I post, I read and I learn.

I have about 458? days without a drink.

I know know that I am not likely to have just one drink.
My drinking always leads to more.
I don't really see the point in having one. Where's the fun in that?

Who knows if it is forever? I just take it one day at a time. I wake up in the morning and say 'just today, I am not going to drink'. It works everyday.

Honestly it is the best decision I ever made.

I have never regretted not drinking. I have regretted drinking many times.

My best to you
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