Feck you drugs
 

Benzos, opiates, alcohol, amphetamines, hallucinogens, up yours! You have been in my life or taken over my thinking too long. I had myself convinced that I needed you. I don't. I need my life back and my family need me.

I love the way you make my bed feel like a cloud and the way you make sleep effortless. I love the way you take away all my thoughts and cares. I love the way you help me to be more outgoing.

But I hate what I've let you take from me. My mind, my body, quality time with my family. Time! I hate that you take away my cares so much that falling asleep with you I couldn't care less if I were never to wake up.

This is probably the hardest I have had to fight and I know there is only one thjng that would give me instant relief. But I'm not going there, I'm not doing all this again. I could lose everything.

I'm scared to feel but I know I need to. Life on life's terms.

Feck you drugs.

While we are at it. Feck you bulimia.

You can't have me.

Great and thought provoking post, thanks. Are you Irish?

Lol no. I had an Irish maiden name though ;). And swearing isn't allowed lol.

I agree!! Flock all of it!!!

Haha! I went to uni in Dublin, kinda miss the Irish slang.
Take care.

I agree..........feck em' all! :)

:)

You can do it midlife!!! Believe in a whole new you, a whole new life and take it a day at a time!!:You_Rock_

Thank you Jules :)

It's wonderful to hear you sounding so determined and positive. :) You never have to return to that awful place - you're doing this.

Thanks. Yeah that came from somewhere inside. I am lying here like a vegetable and not really feeling any emotions yet. They just be in there though.

They are in there MLC, it just takes awhile for the "novocaine" to wear off. :)

My suggestion (from experience) is to be prepared for them once they do come back. While it's great to feel them again it can also be a bit overwhelming at first since it has become "normal" for us to be numb to them.

Thanks. Yeah, I am still very much in withdrawal from the Benzos so all my thinking is really gojng into my physical state a (literally) putting one foot in front of the other.

I am quite nervous about the feelings coming back. I was sober for 6 weeks or so from New Years and I was depressed and suicidal during this time. I am on anti depressants now so I am hoping they help me keep my head above for just a little while. I am just waiting for my ed to rear it's ugly head also.

Yeah it usually takes me about 3 months just to feel there is hope and about 6 months to actually feel good about myself and life in general. It does happen eventually though. Right now just putting one foot in front of the other and not using is a major accomplishment so keep it up! :)

Thanks:). Can't wait to feel some semblance of normality, whatever that is!

Hehe I'm Irish �� feck it all ��

Hehe

My favorite creative "un-swear" is, "BUCK FOOZE!!"

Haha unswear ;)

Hoping today is better for you MLC. (At least some semblance of normalcy, as you said.)