Shame

Begin with the most prevalent of your feelings. Identify one or two, such as anger and fear. You could say to yourself, “I am feeling anger right now. I am not sure what to do about it, but I am going to allow it to be my feeling right now. I am also feeling afraid or fear. I am going to talk to someone about this feeling, because I do not know what else to do about my fear and my anger. Perhaps they can help me get through those feelings.”

Hi all
I have just joined and read the above in one of the articles and being clueless as where to start (there is so much wrong!) I might as well start here.
Feelings - mostly regret at my stupidity - I should know by now I can't buy 2 bottles of wine and only have a glass - feels great at the time but the morning after is horrible. My whole body shakes from the inside out.
Fear - fear that my work colleuges will guess I have not had a "tummy bug" but in fact have had a binge - I have just started a new job and we work 25 days on, then 5 off. 3 of my off days have been spent skulking in my room trying not to be seen or smelt!!
ENough is now enough for me. My story is long and disgusting and I won;t go into it now.
RIght this minute I just need some tips on how I can sleep tonight and appear at work tomorrow without shaking like a leaf because I am going to lie about my tummy bug - I really really hate this - probably my biggest worry is this though - surely if I want to stop drinking it should be because I want to and not because of how I think people will look at me if they know I'm a binge drinker?

Johninthesticks

Go get some fresh fruit. Oranges, apples, You sound fond of grapes, eat those. Stay online. Go to the chat. Pet your cat/dog. I'm in the same spot as you. missed work today because of drinking, so my advice may not be the best, but thats what I'm doing.

Shame

Well, at least you got me smiling at your grape joke!! lol

Ghostlight

I've been there. A good start is not taking that first drink, then you won't have the tenth.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. I went through it for years.
Save yourself before it gets worse, and if you're anything like me, it will.
You've got a williness to quit, now you have to follow through.
Remember how you feel. The anxiety and hangover. You never have to go through it again.

I live on a daily repreive from alcohol. There is no such thing as moderation for me.
Come here and read and post, and best to you.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Shame

the best thing you can do today is take care of yourself - eat well, drink plenty of fluids and get plenty of rest.

If you feel really bad, see a Dr.

Tomorrows tomorrow - you'll deal with it then

D

Hevyn

Welcome to the family Shame. You're not alone anymore.

I know you feel miserable, but this will pass. You'll be headed towards a better day, free from alcohol and the trap it puts us in. You do not need it in your life - you can rise above this bad time and have a new beginning. Be glad you've come to this conclusion and that you're taking action. We're happy to have you here.

bigsombrero

Welcome and good luck - it's really hard to get started. Treat yourself to good, healthy foods and lots of liquids, some "sleepytime" tea is also something that helped me in the evenings. Good luck!

Anna

I hope that you don't feel as bad tomorrow as you expect too. All you can do is try to get through it as well as you can. And, do remember that you never have to go through this again.

Shame

Thank you for the replies. So, once I again I "escaped" my worst fears and everyone at works is most concerned I was so sick - sometimes I think it would be better to just come out - I keep getting let off the hook.
I will most definately stay on this site. My biggest problem is that I FORGET how bad I felt - how on earth can I forget that feeling - it is Sunday now and already the absolute horror and sick shame is receding. Luckily here in SA we are not allowed to sell liquor on a Sunday so no harm of me drinking today. Also, as I now work in the bush from 8 to 5 it is impossible to get to "Town" to buy booze for the next 25 days. I could go down to one of the camps and have a glass of wine, but I can still limit myself to one or two glasses when I'm with people - I am a truly sneaky, secretive drinker!!
I truly love the feeling of getting drunk - it puts me in a good mood, I clean and get things done - it is the afterwards that is so bad - and of course, if I was in company I would be making a complete fool of myself by falling all over the place - fine when only you, yourself and I see it, not so funny when other people see it.
I will read a couple of posts every day and hopefully this will keep me on the straight and narrow - I am very afraid that I am going to fail - I know myself SOOOOOOO well. I already have the conversation down pat in my head - next 5 days off, ok you can drink one night, then recover 1 day, then still have a few days sober - no-one will know - how bizarre and ridiculous is this thinking. Good luck to all of us - I hope one day I can be an inspiration instead of SHAME.

Living

Please do not start off with negativity. Think positive like "I CAN DO THIS". You have already listed the difficulties you will have in obtaining a drink, so why go out of your way to get the "evil, mind controlling, poison".

One day at a time and positive thoughts is a good start. Also stay on this board for support, everyone supports one another and a true testaments to how wonderful a sober life is.

Shame

The negativity comes from me knowing just how this evil thing gets me each time. I know exactly where my fight (and believe me I will be fighting with all the positive I can muster) is going to start - I am not going to lie to myself anymore - I am going to be fully aware of just when the danger times come around. That is why I will be reading, reading and reading as many posts as I can to prepare myself - to keep reminding myself just why I joined this site.

Living

Look at the board on this page that is related to different programs that you can use for recovery. AVT is one of them. I read through the whole program and it really helped. Especially concerning that "evil voice" that keeps saying negative things to you and taunts you to want to drink.

I have a somewhat weak inner-strength, but I am learning how to control it. Sober since 4-15-2013 and determined to stay that way! You can do this!

Shame

Just after I read your post I was FURIOUS, and took a lot of restraint in my answer. THen just after that I found a thread where they ask what your addiction is telling you today - well, I had to blush and then laugh at myself - JUST being told I was being negative meant that evil inner voice could say, oh well, if they don't think I can do it, good excuse for me to stuff up" How incredibly bizarre and how thankful I am for having joined this group!! So you might not have realised it, but inadvertantly your message actually had a very STRONG message -
I CAN do this, I WILL do this - nothing else is acceptable