Sabotage No More

Hi everyone,

This is a tough week. Tuesday I attended the orientation at the mental health and addictions centre, and not 10min in I heard the word "relapse". Somewhere in my brain...I was already planning that it was ok to drink...I fought those thoughts...ahhhhhh!!! my hands got clammy...I started squirming in my chair...the girl beside me was wasted!...but that didn't trigger me...the word "relapse" did....I was making it ok. After the meeting I had to get the kids from school because I had a couple of hours with them. I went to the liquor store first then picked them up. Still fighting to drink! I drank!

The day before (Monday) I had the kids for a couple of hours..but I went back to my friends that I am staying with just so we're in a safe environment. Things were good. During the visit the kids were saying how much they miss their rooms...their favorite things. And I thought, ok tomorrow we will go home...right, a few hours wont hurt. WRONG!!

I wonder if it started as far back as Monday being triggered to go home. Things are still fresh..its only been a month since the abuse ended by my mentor/pastor who ended being a psychopath. I thought maybe if I paint the walls..or change the furniture around it will help...or do I move? ...I don't have the energy to move during the beginning of my recovery...ugg...any suggestions?

Thanks for listening

ScottFromWI

I can't really give any suggestions other than that drinking won't make any of the issues you are dealing with better. In fact it will most likely make them worse. Does the treatment center you are attending have counseling for abuse issues too, or just substance abuse? Perhaps you could seek help with both with the issues you went through in the recent past.

Sabotage No More

Hi ScottFromWI,

Yes, I am seeing a Womens sexual assault counsellor...but she suggested yesterday that I need to focus on my addiction first before taking on deep trauma work. Makes sense. I have an intake appointment over the phone to evaluate what program to get me into. I really would love to get into rehab that deals with all my abuse, but I think there's a wait list. Ill find out more soon...just need to be patient and wait.
Yes, you are right...drinking doesn't help at all...and that's why I gave my keys to my home to my friend so I am not tempted to go home and to drink. I need to be safe.....and if I am safe, that means the kids will be too.

Sorry for the heavy.

Sabotage No More

How do I delete old posts?

Bunny211

Sending you hugs.
Can you do something nice for yourself? A hot bath/shower, slather on a nice body lotion, make yourself a cup of tea, curl up with a blanket and a book?
Self care is something I re-learned in recovery.

IvanMike

if you cant delete the thread altogether ask a moderator or forum admin to do it for you. its easy for them to pull it.

Dee74

We don't actually delete things here in the normal course of events.

I understand why old threads might be embarrassing but I sure people can understand why we don't delete them either.

These posts may help others.

So no deletion - but if you want to close your account, SabotageNoMore, let me know.

Hope you're doing well now, btw

Dee
Moderator
SR

Sabotage No More

Thank you for helping. I thought the same thing...maybe this will help someone.