Jennieric

I am glad I am not alone.....selfish but true! I guess I used my meds a lot worse than I thought because I am beginning to see that they kept me company. Now I feel alone even when I am surrounded. I know this to shall pass. I forgot to mention that I have been a smoker for 25 yrs and have been way to sick to smoke in the beginning. Now I don't crave them at all glad I quit but I think it could be adding to the anxiety. When it comes to my health I don't think I have ever made a good decision!

Things are changing though......I am on my way! I will just have to fake till I make it! Don't mean to sound like a downer.....today has been good. I went out to eat with my family and had no anxiety! My back still hurts really bad but that's alright.....I am starting to think that that isn't even why I took them?!

Thanks for keeping up with me...my saving Grace!!!!

SNST

Not selfish at all, I feel the same way, it helps to know your not the only one going through this, someone else understands exactly how you feel and it helps. I know what you mean about the pills keeping you company, I was fine just sitting at home by myself with my pills, perfectly content, now Im going stir crazy! Im wanting to get out an do things, but I no longer have a car ( because of my addiction ) my room mate works all the time, and the " friends " I have are all on pills so since Im not doing them I never hear from anyone, but Im sure thats for the best. So right now Im not craving pills Im craving going out! And Im sure you quitting smoking has added anxiety too! I do know thats a big part of the opiate w/d's though. But we will be fine, we have made it through the worst part

MellyFishButt

This is my first post but I wanted to chime in and commend you for your journey. I am doing a partial wean and it's been pretty rough. I had been using opiates every day for 5 months for a set of physical pain situations and very recently had run out and went out and drank (I quit drinking when I started taking the pills). Once the drinking went out of control, as it usually does for me, I had to take a few days (in complete panic attack mode) to think about what I wanted in life. I was on nucynta and butrans patches and am weaning myself off the patches and having the occasional tramadol after my lower butrans kicks in. It's been.....heartbreaking. I can't remember how to feel joy or how to motivate myself to do anything really and all of the things I did to take care of myself (nails/makeup/girlie stuff) oddly are a trigger. I see a pdoc because I am ADHD and I am only allowed antidepressants and Valium until I am 'clean'. I have to say that the Valium really helped when I was overloaded with anxiety. But you know yourself better than anybody. For me, Valium isn't 'fun', so I don't have any drive to take them when I don't need them. Same with my ADHD meds.

I dunno. I just wanted to let you know that I am going through the same thing. My husband is basically the only person I trust with my fragile state right now so I have become a bit of a recluse. I am very happy that you're at the stage that you feel comfortable going out. I have been going on daily walks and I am 100% paranoid the entire time. Looking forward to the day that I can literally walk down the street without worrying that I will see someone I know.

Hang in there.

Jennieric

My soul sister!!!! I couldn't have said it better! I have left the house twice in the last 8 days now. Aside from going to the park to walk( I always stick with the trail that goes through the woods. Most people do not walk that way for obvious reasons. I have 2 boxers that are very protective. I live in a very nice area though. I am ADHD as well, just came off the butrans patch ( forgot all about that one) I am not medicated for the ADHD which has contributed to my back problems. I don't like to sit around. I am also the same way with the girlie thing. I was a hairdresser and owned my own salon. I loved my job and couldn't imagine life without it.....until drugs! I walked away from my friends and customers that were more like family. I know I can never go back ( back problems) and I am ok with it but to lose all those people and not realize till now. Well I knew.....I just didn't care!

Sooooo my recovery.......I find that I am stronger than I thought. It is the hardest thing I have ever done!!!! Not my first time with withdrawal but is the first time with my drug of choice. Much different, the only friend I have cared to keep in the last 5-8 yrs. my husband is my rock as well, and my children. I have a 19yr old and a 14yr old. I am blessed more than anyone deserves AND that is why I am doing all of this. Not for them but for me!! I have missed way to much!! They are a huge part of my life ( my other best friends) Sorry I am starting to ramble. This evening has been very hard.....the anxiety seems worse than it has since I started this journey. I guess it's normal?! I don't know! I have stayed strong in my decision and will not go back to the thing that has robbed me and left me to Die of a slow death. Sounds brutal but that's the only way I can look at it. I haven't had it for 8 days and I am still this sick!!!!! That is evil stuff. The flu would be easing up by now!! Lol

Stay strong and best of luck to you! If I can do this anyone can!!!! I am a sissy when it comes to pain or being sick. Keep me posted on you progress and I will do the same. What day are you on?

MellyFishButt

About the same but I don't think mine should really count until I am 100% free of all opiates. Seriously, what you are going through is seriously tough. The only reason I am able to wean the slightest bit is because I have stuff to use and my husband is helping me be accountable. Ugh. I do miss my ADHD meds though. I am not really getting anything done and I think that is contributing to my post use depression more than anything. My pain keeps ebbing and flowing and I have a near constant sore throat from the anxiety. It's driving me crazy! Well, that and the boredom.

Damn, wish you were closer. I need a trim! Lol hang in there. Go take a bubble bath to relieve both the anxiety and the pain!!

Jennieric

My husband helped me for 3yrs to stay on the prescribed dose but always caved if I cried enough. Finally I told him I wanted control and that if it got out of hand I would quit......I handed over my last 75 pills and told him I was done! You are much braver than me to do it the way you are.....I could never put myself through that much pain and misery for soooo long. Plus I couldn't wean. The pills had made me hurt so much more that I had t take so much more. I wish it didn't have to be so hard! The cravings are strong for most of the day....is that easier with the taper down plan?

Cut your hair??? I would hide UNDER my couch if someone knocked on my door!!!! Lol

The tub is my sanctuary! I am going to hate to see my water bill!!!! I have been taking about 5 a day.....Epsom salt and lavender, my little bit of heaven

SNST

If the withdraws were easy we would relapse every week wouldnt we? The thought of going through that hell again is what keeps me from doing a pill. MFB is a brave soul wanting you to give them a trim at this time huh? lol, I wouldnt go close to anyone with a sharp object right now, I would probably cut their ear off with my shaky hands

Jennieric

The herbs I am taking are
Melatonin, (great for sleep)
Natra Sleep contains Passion flower, lemon balm, valerian root, chamomile, l-the anime (anxiety reliever and sleep....taken with melatonin)
Hyland a leg cramps (knocked the RLS Out)
Super magnesium
Women's ultra mega vitamin ( gives energy) I don't think I need the energy yet with the anxiety!
And a few more I dropped today!! Lol.....I have been taking milk thistle, it is a liver cleanser, I think it was making me sick

I should be the healthiest person in my house!!! Lol
I see you are in ky....I am in tn!!! If I wasn't scarred to leave my house I would come get you out of your house for the day......someday

Jennieric

Yeah.....I want be doing hair for some time. Im really not sure if I will be doing anything for awhile! My phone rang and I wanted to throw it out in the rain....scared me to death

Jennieric

I am just starting day 7 I counted it wrong all day!!!!!! This damn fog in my head has me all messed up!!!! Lol

The upside.....I guess I'm not doing so bad for just starting day7!!

MellyFishButt

The thing for the wean is that I basically go through withdrawals each week, a couple of days after I dose down. So today will be one of those 'eff going outside, I'm drinking tea and reading a book' kind if days. The hardest part, for me, is the decrease in dopamine. I am so completely unmotivated to do anything and THAT is making more depressed than the lack of flooded opiates in my system. I feel like I could mentally be ready to move on and try to take care of things or call my therapist for some deeper sessions but I can't seem to will myself to call and organize anything. I understand why my pdoc pulled me off my ADHD meds, I do, I just really wish I had access to my brain. And my husband just keeps saying 'learn to work without it'. Um, I did....which is why I did all of the crazy risky stuff growing up and drinking so heavily as an adult. ADHD is a real pain and not many people understand it. I would give a non stim med a try but they take too long to work and they work roughly 20% of the time. Odds are not in my favor and I am reeeeeeally impatient.

So you're on day seven. That's a great day!! Think about day four and how much that sucked!

And you're right, I think I too should hit the bath for some relaxing. My knees and shoulders have been killing me lately.

Jennieric

Today has been an awesome day! I can say I am there shopped all day, got a massage, and better yet....laughed all day! The anxiety is gone....can't sleep but I have had many times in my life where I don't sleep. ADHD!!! I can say with my ADHD energy is never a problem....I bounce off the walls. The meds where like tranquilizers...hated them. If I take anything made for sleep it wires me! ADHD is what got me where I am with my back. I could work on projects ( I do interior decorating now) for days with no sleep. I build furniture, upholster furniture, hand paint pieces, and everything else that would go along with a complete renovation! Take a pain pill and I was great!!

Sorry you are having such a hard time . Stay strong......once it's out of your system you will not believe the feeling listen to your husband....you have to learn to live without it. I am still working on that too keeping myself busy doesn't give me much time to think! Doesn't help that my pain is out the roof!!!!! I am staying strong today!!

MellyFishButt

Having a rough day for me. I think I am tapering too quickly and so went into w/ds pretty badly this evening. To top it all off, someone who I confided in had apparently told my husband that I told her that I never had any original pain to begin with. I am so livid. Yes, lady, that's exactly why I spent the last two months in physical therapy, paying out of pocket for massage, acupuncture (which was a total joke for me), and biofeedback (which I was told I wasn't a good candidate for because of TOO many muscle spasms). Like I really need this ****. The worst part is that my husband believes her...because its his mom. I have no idea why she would say such crap since she too has a horrible back and was basically my rock through all of this. She was the one who referred me to her pain specialist and we talked for hours about how to feel better and get better. It just doesn't make sense. It may be a misunderstanding but someone owes me a huge apology.

This is the type of crap that makes me want to just give up. What's the use? Why am I going through all of this for people to treat me like I was using JUST to use? My intentions were always good and it was my own CHOICE to quit. Argh. Now I'm crying. I feel so betrayed.

Anyway, thanks for the update. Gives me hope that I will feel good soon.

Jennieric

My mother in law has tried the same thing with me! My husband lives with me and knows the extended pain I live in. It is very hard for the people we love to see us go through this and the effects it has on them as well! This will pass......stay calm and just work on yourself. I wish I had the magic words but it just sucks!! I hope this passes soon. Stay strong it will be worth it! Try to have a good day I will be thinking of you!!!!

Jennieric

I am on day 8!!! I feel grreat......never thought I would say that again. I am looking forward to the summer and everything that it brings. My pain is bad but I am hoping that it will go away with time hope everyone has a great sober day!!!

BabyJane

Jenneric and MFB - I am a recovering opposite addict with 6 months (today is my 6 months! Yay!)

Just wanted to say I have been following this thread and I'm proud of both of you. Opiate withdrawl is no joke whether you do it cold turkey or "warm turkey" (tapering). It takes some serious determination and courage. I applaud both of you for facing the daunting challenges ahead. YES it does get better, I won't lie and say every single day is better but overall it certainly does. I'm starting to feel more like myself, regain old interests and I've started some new hobbies too.

I would agree with the recommendations you've been given : vitamins, hot baths, walk or jog as MUCH as you possibly can, eat as much healthy food as possible, watch uplifting movies and listen to music that inspires you. Continue to enlist the help of family and friends you can trust. Some of us also go to meetings but if you have bad social anxiety (I did too, and still do sometimes) SR is perfect for the social support.

If I remember, getting through days 2, 3 and 4 were the hardest. I was very ill. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy! Having people to talk to and knowing that WE ARE NOT ALONE is so huge! If you have even 1 day you have more than the person who has no days behind them so you can be a source of inspiration and hope too. I wasted many years with pills and heroin. I was a slave to it. I had no idea how I was going to do the sobriety deal again but...

1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute at a time. That's how we do it. Congrats and just keep moving forward. All you need to worry about right now is TODAY. Tomorrow will come regardless but stay in the moment. Many hugs!!! You are warriors.

SNST

Hey Jenn I just wanted to stop by an say CONGRATS on day 9!! I hope your feeling better, your post sure shows a lot of improvement Have a good day mt friend & stay strong!!

SNST

Oops sorry Jenn, day 8!! Regardless you made it another day

Jennieric

Day 9..... I wish I could say all is well but it's not! Thought I was over the withdrawal but nope it's still here. I don't understand all the crazy things going on with me brain and body!! I will stay strong yet another day!!!! So far I am not getting it !!!!!!!!!

SNST

Hey Jenn, CONGRATS on day 9!! I thought the same thing, I had a pretty bad day yesterday, actually the past week hasnt been real good. Just when you think you have this thing under control here it comes back to to haunt you again, ughhhh. I think we both need to realize that it didnt take us 9 days or 19 days ( for me ) to screw ourselves up so we cant expect to cure ourselves in that short time. Ive had this demon in my head tell me that its ok to take just one it wont hurt you now, you have this under control!! Well WE dont have this under control. I know we are gonna have our bad days we just have to get through them somehow without using, I know its so discouraging but keep in mind, WE DONT FEEL AS BAD AS WE DID THE FIRST WEEK! Do we want to go back there? Stay strong my friend WE CAN do this! WE WILL do this!