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Breaking up is hard to do

Old 05-15-2013, 02:45 PM
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Breaking up is hard to do

After becoming sober and starting treatment, I have learned that I do not know how to experience feelings and emotions the right way. I had an eating disorder from 12 to 22. I then had issues with drugs and alcohol since then.

My boyfriend was not accepting the changes in me. I finally held my head high and expressed what I did want to do and what I didn't want to do. He was not up for that. After much fighting and discussing, I decided to end things after 6 years. I am only 30 so I might as well start my life anew now.

The bad part is that my ex is holding the law against me and refuses to leave in the next week or two. He wants to bring lawyers into the situation. Fortunately, the house belongs to my parents and they have a great lawyer.

I had originally just asked for a few days of space from my ex. But he refused to leave his stuff at my house. He has multiply tvs, 1000s of dvds, every gaming system that was every made. He basically choose his stuff over me and that was the last straw.

I do feel as though a weight has lifted off my shoulders... And am excited for this new adventure.
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Old 05-15-2013, 03:22 PM
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I was with my first husband for 6 years (first dating, then 2 years of marriage) before I said enough was enough, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The debt that he created for us was mind-boggling, not to mention the lost jobs and addiction problems. I am now happily settled in with my husband of 7 years, a beautiful five-year-old daughter and a handsome four-year-old son. The years in this relationship have been a blessing...as long as I take the time to appreciate them.

My drinking did get very out of hand between those two relationships, as I didn't know how to transition back into the social scene. I wish you the best of luck, and don't drink, regardless of the threats or ups and downs. This is your life; make it the one you want.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:12 AM
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Thank you so much, noexcuse, for the encouragement. I believe that what I am doing is the right thing. We have had a lot of heart to heart conversations recently. He now realizes that I have to fix myself before I can be with anyone. There is this peace around us now that we have come to this decision of him moving out. He will have time to figure out what he wants in life and I will have the space to get myself the help to make me whole again. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. I just need to start life over from square one and he has accepted that. It's sad but we are not angry with one another. It's happening now before things could have gotten much worse.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:44 AM
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Sometimes you've got to do whatever is necessary to treat yourself well. If the relationship has gone south, then it's time to move on and live your life.
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:37 AM
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Hello, pattyj, you are very courageous to make this difficult decision! I admire you!
You said "I have to fix myself before I can be with anyone". (Sorry, still haven't mastered the partial quote option).
This really resonates with me. I kept thinking finding another partner to fill the void after my husband died was the answer, and all it got me was 2 idiot boyfriends, and I probably drank more during the time with these men, I felt so unhappy, but sort of stuck, afraid to be alone.
Now I'm trying to think in terms of "well, I can be my own best friend" and look after myself well.
Yes, you are young, and I'm glad you are excited for the future!
Good luck!
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:13 PM
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I got out of a 6 year relationship just before I was 30- BEST decision of my life! It hurt like hell at the time, but I got through it. I have my lion's share of problems still. BUT now- I do have a strong marriage with the love of my life. I would've never found him were it not for taking that time for myself, and learning what I want and don't want in my life. Life is short, you are young- sounds to me that you are REALLY on the right path! TY for sharing your story. :-)
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Old 05-17-2013, 01:15 PM
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Sometimes people who make the greatest number of changes have the greatest success at recovery. I have been through treatment with a lot of people who really wanted to recover but were not willing to go to any length. They went home to the same situations and got the same results. It takes courage and conviction to make changes. You keep working on yourself and I get the feeling things will work out for you.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:07 PM
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Pattyj it sounds like you are really making great strides in recovery. Staying with a guy that doesn't get that people are more important than stuff would probably lead to heartbreak eventually.

Think about this quote "It takes a special man to replace no man at all" (sorry guys, you can substitute girl and it works just as well)
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:12 PM
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selfish as it may sound, let it be always "I" first. in relationships, drinking or the rest. you are precious to yourself. if no more 'you', then no more 'I', right?
so let go of all that hurts the mind (bad partner) and the body (alcohol). I am with you; we all are. do well, and do it right!
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:54 PM
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Thank you so much for all of the support! Leaving someone after 6 years is difficult but there is not much that I am happy with in the relationship. This is probably the best thing that I could do for myself. Hopefully, someone else will come into my life but I am committed to the 12 steps and the AA program for the first year. Maybe after then I will check out what life has to offer. I am also moving as well as my ex-boyfriend. It is very stressful right now but I think that it is best to start completely over.
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