Woozy

I drank to be the social, outgoing guy I never was, and it worked for a while too. Then I needed it, "I better knock back a few before going to hang out with my friends, they won't like the quiet and insecure me!"

Over the years it got worse and worse, and by the end I needed a drink or two in me just to talk to friends on the phone! I wasn't fooling anyone showing up places with bloodshot eyes and a flushed face, slurring and stumbling about.

Most all my friendships are dead now, all because I thought the drunk me was the only me people would like. In reality, my friends loathed drunk me... I was loud, obnoxious, rude, and unfunny when drunk. All that drinking I thought was necessary to uphold peoples interest in me was actually the thing destroying it.

You can't establish strong meaningful friendships or relationships with others when you're blasted all the time.

Anyone experience something similar?

pattyj

Oh my God yes! I have been drinking and drugging and feeding an eating disorder since I was 12. I am now 30 and am sober. A friend just told me that I am a baby bird learning to fly. I lost all my friendships due to drinking and now I am learning to become myself again. I am enjoying the ride though.

stayalive

Woozy, your post somes me up completely.

Hevyn

I was going to say 'Oh my God yes' too - but patty had it covered.

Wise words, Woozy! You really get it. I was way older than most of you when I finally did. Who knew the thing I used for fun and to be outgoing had stunted my growth? It's not cool learning to fly in your 50's! I'm glad you're dealing with this now - you'll never go through the hell that many of us have.

sassu78

Definitely. I couldn't even go for a dinner without having 3 glasses of wine. I felt like I was too quiet and insecure sober!

I'm now trying to get my self confidence back but it really is a slow process. I do feel stronger after every sober day that passes...Day 17 and going forward baby steps...

noexcuse

I think most alcoholics can relate to this line of thinking... I was always uncomfortable in my own skin, and drinking helped me let go of my inhibitions. In exchange for me finally being able to 'open up' and talk to friends/neighbors/etc., I have managed to humiliate myself a multitude of times or cause horrific problems, and now there are some people that won't even wave if they drive by.

If drinking worked, I wouldn't be here.

Ptcapote

Yep, for sure. It started as needing a drink to go have more drinks, then a drink to get on the phone, then a drink to do basic socializing, then a drink to go "deal" with my family, a drink to make love, a drink to have a conversation with my partner, a drink to go to freakin' yoga...on and on. By the end, if there wasn't a drink involved, you could be pretty sure I wasn't going to be doing it. I had no idea who I really was by the end. Was I funny? Was I compassionate? Was I kind?

Plus I not only had managed to humiliate myself so many times most of my sober friends wanted nothing to do with me...I had also humiliated myself in front of people I don't even remember because I was blacked out. Those are the real "treasures" these days...the folks that remember "me" when I don't even have a clue who they were. "Hey, I know you! We met at a bar last..." (Me, thinking: "Great, because I have no earthly idea who I am so maybe you can shed some light!!")

But, given all of that, I am happy to have a chance to be rebuilding my life as a sober person. And what is that thing they say about people who have Alzheimers? Every day you meet brand new people and get to do brand new things? Yeah, that's kind of true for drunks, too. It's never too late.

You're in good company. Thanks for posting!