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Poured it all out

Old 05-15-2013, 04:55 AM
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Poured it all out

I haven't posted in a while. This is going to be my second time trying to quit, the first time I posted I only lasted 2 days, but I kept a 12 pack of beer cuz I coulden't stand the thought of wasting it. By day 3 I "deserved" a reward for doing so good right? Needless to say once I took that first drink, it's been daily since then. I can't do it anymore. I get emotionally stupid when I'm drinking and all rational thought goes out the window. Everything is a crisis. I'm tired of missing out on my kids lives. I want to want to go do things with them instead of sitting in the house drinking. I'm tired of waking up shaking. Not being able to remember most things that happened the day before. I'm even at the point and don't know if this is normal but I only sleep a few hours a night if you even call it sleep. My muscles keep cramping up on me. I want to be me again. so here it is 6:30 in the morning and this time I'm serious. I went out to the fridge grabbed the 12 out and poured it all down the drain. That a first for me.
I will do this this time. I won't be an alcoholic mom. I will find myself again.I will find the joy in living again. If other people can do it so can I!!!
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:11 AM
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Good for you. Pouring the poison out is a strong statement. I feel the same way. I want to live my life more fully. I want to be a role model for my adult children and grandchildren. I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning, ready for the day. All the best to you as you begin this journey. I'm still brand new too. We can do this.
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:11 AM
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Congratulations on your path of thinking. You know it's doable reading all the posts on this site. I'm also a firm believer in attending AA meetings where people also understand where we are coming from. Being honest with ourselves is perhaps the # 1 ingredient in sobriety and not picking up that first drink. Another big one so many of us face on a regular basis is the shite fairy in our heads telling us things like just one, it'll be OK this time, have one on a full belly, it's Friday night and you deserve it and what will your friends think and on and on. BE WELL
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:34 AM
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welcome back rhpudgey3

do you have a plan now?

D
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Old 05-15-2013, 05:35 AM
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wish you well

Wish you well only on day one myself ''''''''''''
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:42 AM
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Good for you.

I could get a whole battleship crew drunk with all the booze I have poured out over the years while saying never again.
It takes a long time for some folks to realize that the booze just isn't for them. I know it did me.
I remember when I was 21 years old, driving to the liquor store, and telling myself to turn around, I didn't need to drink alone again tonight.

That was 27 years ago, and I am just now able to believe myself when I say I am done with the stuff. Sadly, I have let it destroy my health and almost kill me. But that was my choice. It wasn't like I didn't know it was going to kill me eventually. We all know that. All it takes to quit is "caring" that you live a long healthy life.

It sounds like you do care.
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Old 05-15-2013, 07:52 AM
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Rhpudgy you can totally do this! I am also a stay at home mom to two children, two girls. So I know how stressful and isolating it is. You give and give all day to others and give very little to yourself! After a terrible night over 5 weeks ago I made the discion to quit, ( ok I was given an ultimatum) but I did quit.

I haven't drank in 37 days and its pretty amazing. I was never a bad or neglectful mom but the time I spend with my kids ( which was all day) I was in my head not really in the moment. My patience was super short. And i often said to myself in my head and out liud, "God i hate my frickin life!!!!!" And now with a descent amount if sobriety at least for me under my belt I no longer parent this way.

Yes days are still frustrating and my kids can drive me nuts but generally I haven't felt this good ever!

You can totally do this!!!! It's not always easy to keep from wanting to drink. But is is EASIER to live day to day being sober and clear!

I wish you sooooo much luck from a fellow mommy. Just think quitting now while they are so little could change the whole outcome of how they were raised!
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Old 05-15-2013, 09:10 AM
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Congrats!

Pouring it out was a HUGE step! That's what kept me drinking over the weekend. Finally I texted my bf and asked him to come over and get rid of it. I just didn't have the strength. (Not to mention I don't know that I could have made it to the kitchen.) Congrats on being strong enough to pour the poison out!!!! Today I'm starting day 2 so we're starting together so to speak. (this isn't my first attempt at quitting either, but I'm determined to make it my last.)
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Old 05-15-2013, 09:14 AM
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Great move! I did the same thing. The night my husband confronted me about my drinking, I had a brand new pint of brandy with the seal not even cracked yet, along with a half bottle of wine. Later that night after our talk, I went downstairs and poured it all down the drain. Thought I would have cried watching that swirl down, but amazingly it gave me a sense of freedom. If I hadn't, I might have gotten up in the middle of night to drink it all before quitting in the morning.

Best of luck.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:28 AM
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I made it through day 1, It really wasn't to bad. I went for a bike ride with my kids and my husband. Last night we had a family game night, that I actually remember. Sleeping was the hardest. I was freezing cold yet covered in sweat. This morning I really don't feel bad at all, with the exception that my head is telling me if I had a drink I'd feel even better (liar) I'm not gona listen though. I'm gona get dressed and ready for the day and go grocery shopping with my mom and keep my mind busy with other things. I refuse to give in this time! That you to everyone who responded with all your support. This is deffinatly a journey , but my family and my life are worth not taking the easy way out.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:02 AM
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One of the major things I like about being sober is how good I feel when I wake up in the morning. I never did get hangovers too much but I'd still feel so run down and worn out. I too got muscle cramps and so dehydrated. I get out of bed now and the first thing I think is Yay! I didn't drink last night.
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:44 PM
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Good choice,

Use your kids as a springboard towards your sobriety, they don't deserve a drunk mum and being sober will help you do things good with them,

I took my5 yo little boy to football training this evening, up until I called it quits on the booze that was something that my wife had to do. I feel so bad now when I'm there and I see the other boys with their dads knowing that I've missed out on so much already. I just thank god (and I'm not religious) that I saw sense before it was too late.

You're doing the right thing,

Good luck,

Bruno.
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