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The ultimatum

Old 05-14-2013, 10:17 AM
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The ultimatum

Hi everyone.

It's finally happened. I've been given the ultimatum by my family. One more drink and you have to move out. Tough stuff but deservedly so. I went on a bender after a close friend died because to my shame, oblivion is the only way I know to deal with things.

I'm in my thirties and due to financial problems moved in with my parents after rehab but it's been a struggle all round. My first reaction after that conversation was 'I need a drink' but as we all know it doesn't stop at one. I sat there and shook (withdrawing) as they told me but I could see that they've given up on me. Today has been hard but I need to do this before I lose everyone in my life.

Sorry for the depressiveness but I've been made aware of how my drinking is impacting on everyone around me and it hurts like hell.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:20 AM
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Welcome! It is a struggle quitting, but a worthy one. This board I'd very helpful getting you through those first days.

Best wishes for your sobriety!!!!!
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:23 AM
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Welcome!

You can choose to stay sober today and you can choose to recover.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:24 AM
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Hey TM. Glad you came here to talk about it. Most of us have been there.

I used alcohol to cope with life for many years. Or I thought it was helping me - actually, it was keeping me down and preventing me from growing. Being numb and foggy is no way to go through life, and you already know that. Good things will come out of this. You have many great things to look forward to - and you'll be sober to enjoy them. You can do this!
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:25 AM
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Sorry to hear that TM. Judging by the tone of your letter you dont' seem surprised that it happened either. As you know there are plenty of resources here to get you on the path to quit - do you have any type of plan as to how you'd like to go about it?
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:26 AM
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Sorry to hear of your situation. Seems that sometimes even the most powerful desire to stop isn't enough. Even when we are faced with consequences and given sufficient reasons to quit, we cant seem to manage. Ive been there. Many of us have and are now sober, happy and useful.
Have you considered any recovery programs?
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:27 AM
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Hey TM,

You can put alcohol behind you and you'll be happier in time as well. Why not spend the first few days exploring the options - maybe try an AA group or two (and I say that not as an AA person myself, though I find the Big Book really useful and inspiring).

This could be a fantastic turning point for you. It really can.

God bless +
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:34 AM
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You can use this as a new starting point on a new journey. You have to be willing to change, open minded to suggestions on how to stay sober and be honest with yourself & others. I have tried to quit on my own a few times and failed after a few months each time. I use AA as my vehicle for sobriety. I have made new friends and developed an honest way to live sober. It takes work, but so did drinking. I wish you the best on your new journey. I'm sure if you decide to work on it, your family will fully support you, mine did & I couldn't stay sober without knowing of their love & support for me.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:46 AM
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That's what scares me. Losing them. Without them behind me, I think I'd have nothing to live for. But I fear that I've lost them anyway - I've begged, pleaded and cried my heart out today but no-one will look me in the eye. Ever get that that feeling that you've gone too far?
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by TM75 View Post
Hi everyone.

It's finally happened. I've been given the ultimatum by my family. One more drink and you have to move out. Tough stuff but deservedly so. I went on a bender after a close friend died because to my shame, oblivion is the only way I know to deal with things.

I'm in my thirties and due to financial problems moved in with my parents after rehab but it's been a struggle all round. My first reaction after that conversation was 'I need a drink' but as we all know it doesn't stop at one. I sat there and shook (withdrawing) as they told me but I could see that they've given up on me. Today has been hard but I need to do this before I lose everyone in my life.

Sorry for the depressiveness but I've been made aware of how my drinking is impacting on everyone around me and it hurts like hell.
Hi TM75,

Do YOU REALLY want to stop drinking? You never mention in your post that you want to stop. You say, "You are given an ultimatum, then you want a drink." "You see that your family has given up on you." "You NEED (rather than WANT) to stop before you lose everyone in your life." "You've been made aware of how your drinking is impacting everyone around you."

You have to DECIDE that YOU want to stop drinking. Maybe you should be thinking, "I gave myself an ultimatum, and I do not want to drink. I see that I don't have to give up on MYSELF. I WANT to stop drinking before I lose MYSELF. I am aware of how my drinking is impacting ME and everyone around me."

You won't quit drinking until you really want to stop for YOU. That's been my experience anyway. Good luck.
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by TM75 View Post
That's what scares me. Losing them. Without them behind me, I think I'd have nothing to live for. But I fear that I've lost them anyway - I've begged, pleaded and cried my heart out today but no-one will look me in the eye. Ever get that that feeling that you've gone too far?
Are you ready to give AA a good try?


All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:58 AM
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This may the situation that catapults you into a new life. I know that it is hard. You do have a choice. If recovery is the decision, there are many different methods available to you. Good luck to you. Keep us posted.
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Old 05-14-2013, 12:43 PM
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2grandaughters, I'm ready to give anything a try right now.

I've tried rehab, antabuse, baclofen, counselling. It's something in me - I've come to the realisation that I don't like myself (at all) and that is the first place to start.
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Old 05-14-2013, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by TM75 View Post
2grandaughters, I'm ready to give anything a try right now.

I've tried rehab, antabuse, baclofen, counselling. It's something in me - I've come to the realisation that I don't like myself (at all) and that is the first place to start.
Sounds like a good plan. Do you have the desire to quit or are you still feeling like you are just doing it to appease those around you and the conditions surrounding your drinking? To me nothing changed until honestly decided that I wanted to quit.
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Old 05-14-2013, 12:53 PM
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They haven't given up on you, they've just stopped trying to save you from yourself.

Only you can do that.
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Old 05-14-2013, 01:00 PM
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I've come to the realisation that I don't like myself (at all) and that is the first place to start.

That rings a bell with me and I believe was one of the major reasons that no rock bottom seemed to be low enough. Sure, for a few days I would swear that drinking was all behind me, but the old thinking would return. I have found that getting to know myself, and forgiving/accepting myself has gone a long way in helping me remain sober.

I hope that you can do the same and embark on the journey with us. All the best.

Oh and also, I stopped watching/listening to negative news. Not sticking my head in the sand, but simply avoiding the sort of stuff that I used to thrive on.
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Old 05-14-2013, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by TM75 View Post
That's what scares me. Losing them.
They're scared of losing you too.
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Old 05-14-2013, 03:16 PM
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I could see that they've given up on me.
Soberlicious and Choublak beat me to it - I don't think they've given up on you at all. They may be at their wits end - but they want you to fight, to beat this

Originally Posted by soberlicious
They haven't given up on you, they've just stopped trying to save you from yourself.

Only you can do that.
Originally Posted by choublak View Post
They're scared of losing you too.

Originally Posted by TM75 View Post
2grandaughters, I'm ready to give anything a try right now.

I've tried rehab, antabuse, baclofen, counselling. It's something in me - I've come to the realisation that I don't like myself (at all) and that is the first place to start.
Learning to like myself was important for me too - I hated myself for a lot of years.

That comes later tho I think - first things first is stopping drinking, and finding the support to help you maintain that.

Get sober, stay sober, then you can start of self-renovation TM

D
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Old 05-14-2013, 03:28 PM
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TM, I hope and pray you give it all up. Rootin for ya.
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Old 05-14-2013, 03:38 PM
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TM your family love you, and they have come to the realisation that what they have been doing hasn't helped you live the life you deserve. Know they will be behind every positive step you make from this day forward. And we are behind you too..sending you lots of happy thoughts! Be well x
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