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Just a few days

Old 05-14-2013, 09:55 AM
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Just a few days

Hello All.

Since I was 15 I have used and abused alcohol and drugs of one sort or another. I have been an alcoholic and or an addict for all of my adult life. It has cost me so very much, as it does all of us. However, here at the age of 45, I find myself with nearly two weeks of clean time. I am so grateful .

Throughout the years it was always prescription opiates that I preferred and I found myself hopelessly and utterly addicted. You all know what it is like so I won't go into the specifics. I'm not even sure how many years ago it was that I finally had all I could take and entered a rehab. At the time I was only taking 21 or so a day, 7 10mg hydrocodone 3x a day. I went in for a six week rehab but walked out after only a week. I managed to stay off pills for 100 days, but continued to drink and smoke marijuana. On day 101 I said to myself, after many beers, that I will only get a few pills and take them and that will be it. Well, I did and it was. That was it. You know when you relapse you don't start over at the beginning, you just pickup where you left off and boy did I ever.

Fast forward to 45 or so 10mg hydro a day. A habit so large I could not possibly support it. Well, I ended up at a methadone clinic and have been on 110mgs, for the past six years or so, up until very recently. I had to get off the methadone on my own, best I could, and again I won't get into all that here. I did find a doctor willing to help me transition from the methadone to suboxone which I took for 8 days. I have not taken anything since April 30. I prayed and had faith in the Lord to help me and to heal me, I asked for a miracle and I believe I received one.

I know I have a long, long way to go. Some days are better than others. When I feel bad, for whatever reason, I really feel bad. Lots of times I feel like I could just break down and cry. I feel like I am in this all alone.
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AugustWest11 (05-14-2013), Ghostlight (05-14-2013), Hevyn (05-14-2013), MidnightBlue (05-14-2013), SNST (05-15-2013), SoulKat (05-14-2013)
Old 05-14-2013, 10:04 AM
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Hi, Chris.

Welcome to SR and congrats on two weeks clean!

Breaking from addiction is hard, but great that you didn't give up and keep fighting.

It's a long way, but it's better when you are doing this with your mates in sobriety.

And you'll find great support here.

Keep posting and best luck to you)
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:08 AM
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Welcome to SR chris! You aren't truly alone, you have us. This is a great place to share how you're feeling - we've all been there in one way or another.

I drank for 30 yrs. I couldn't imagine life without it, but in the end I was completely dependent on it. It was going to kill me. I did what you did - prayed for strength to rise up out of the nightmare. I also found SR, where I received unbelievable comfort and support. I hope you'll feel good about being here with us. You have many great years lying ahead for you.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:23 AM
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Welcome!!!!! Looks like you have made real progress! Keep up the good work and we can all help each other.
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Old 05-14-2013, 02:59 PM
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2 weeks is amazing chrisc68
You'll find a lot of support here

welcome!
D
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Old 05-15-2013, 09:25 AM
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Thank you all

Thanks. I really appreciate it. I am so happy I found this great place with all you wonderful and supportive people. I really have no one to talk to here at home.

After my first real attempt at getting clean , when I told my parents I had a problem and went off to rehab, failed and I started using again I managed, somehow, to keep it under wraps. We addicts aren't as good at hiding our problems as we think we are but no one ever said a word to me about it if they did know. Managed to keep my six years on mmt all to myself as well.

So, like I said I have no one around here to talk with about my problems and what I am going through. It is really a heavy burden to carry alone. But with the good Lord and all ya'll I know I don't have to be alone in this.

There are a lot of things I NEED to talk about, a lot of things going through my mind and a lot of things I am having trouble coming to terms with. I've got a feeling I will be spending a lot of time here.

Thank you all
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