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need support and encouragement

Old 05-14-2013, 09:29 AM
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need support and encouragement

Hi.
New here. Looking for daily support to kick my terrible addiction to alcohol. I'm not sure exactly how to classify my problem. I do not drink every day. Nor does my drinking cause problems every time. However, when my drinking does cause problems, they are substantial. A couple times a month I will get drunk, gamble away a bunch of money, and say hurtful things to my girlfriend. She knows that this is not who I really am and has thus far been very patient with me. I am very much in love with her and I would be devastated if she were to leave me. I currently cannot get away from alcohol because I am a bartender. The temptation and general frustrations that accompany my occupation are generally the onset of these episodes. I am looking for support/advice/encouragement. Hoping maybe taking this step of sharing my problems with others will be the start to recovery. Thanks for reading.
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Old 05-14-2013, 09:39 AM
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Hi, Buckeyeguy. Welcome to SR!

You've made a right step- sharing helps a lot.

Addiction takes many forms - daily drinkers, binge drinkers, etc. Whatever you call it, it ruins your life one way or another.

Explore around here, choose a program that works for you - AA, sucular programs like AVRT, SMART, etc. Take your sobriety seriously. I think it's one of few things in life that really deserves to be taken seriously.

Take one day at a time. Considering your line of work it will be difficult for you. Can you take a vacations, maybe, just for some time?

Anyway, post here - tons of support and great info.

Take care.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:12 AM
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Hey Buckeyeguy,

Without making any hasty decisions you might want to talk through with people, who know you and your problem with alcohol well, whether your long term health and welfare might be best served by the shorter term pain of giving up the bar tendering.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:12 AM
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Thanks midnight,
It is a pretty big deal for me to share these things even tho it is anonymously. I am currently unable to take vacation as my terrible habits have left me struggling to pay the bills. I am soon interviewing for a job that I hope will eventually lead to a better position and allow me to quit bartending. I make nearly double tending bar than I will if I receive this new position. I'm basically looking for a way to stay motivated to get sober. Whether it b a bad day or a day in which I have some sort of small victory, I always seem to find justification. My girlfriend also often wants to have wine with dinner. She doesn't seem to understand that even if I only have a glass or two on Sunday night, come Monday I will have the thirst for more. Not that it belongs in this arena, but I also suffer from PTSD after being the victim of a violent crime. I sometimes wonder if my alcoholism is my disease, or merely a symptom of something else, as I never simply crave it out of the blue. Thanks again for reading.
As a side note, any recommendations for ways to shake the constant presence of enablers? I try very hard to look at my job as I would if I were a plumber, carpenter, electrician. Ya know, go to my job and go home. It's just not that easy in the bar environment.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:15 AM
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Michael,
I have considered doing so. However I am no longer financially responsible for just myself. If I can just kick this habit while socking away some money, I would be able to quit the business.and.never look.back. thank u for reading. You guys reply quickly. Really in need of the support. Means a lot.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:18 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you're looking towards getting a job in a different field. I could never have gotten and stayed sober if I was working in a bar.

It's not surprising that your girlfriend doesn't understand how you can't have wine with dinner. Others just don't get alcoholism, which is why we come here where people do understand.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:19 AM
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Welcome Buckeye.

Alcohol plays a nasty game with some of us. It does not play fair so once you figure out your starting to lose... Best to get out before you get hurt too bad.

It can be done, you can quit. There are many ways to do it; AA, AVRT, SMART or a combination of things. The most important thing is to take it off the table as an option. I know I tried to control my drinking and always failed. I quit, and that was much easier. I don't know why but after the first sip I lose all restraint.

I too was a binge drinker. I had a job, friends, partner. From the outside no one would have thought I had a problem. But I knew it was killing me and I would lose everything if I continued down that path. I am so glad I quit. Life is getting much better and I am finding new ways of dealing with stress.

Being a bartender may be hard at first, but it may also be a blessing. You get to see people at their worst due to alcohol and realize this easily could be you. It can be a nightly reminder of why you quit.

I wish you well.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:21 AM
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Hi buckeye! We're so glad you joined us. I felt so much better when I came here - I wasn't alone anymore. It's hard to reach out at first, but soon it'll become a natural thing.

I do hope you'll get away from the bar when you can. I worked at a hotel, and the smell of it was hard to deal with. I'm happy you're here - I think you'll find the hope and support you need. We care about you.
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:27 AM
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Buckeyeguy, I hear you - it's not easy for me to share feelings either. But you can feel absolutely comfortable here - it's the least judgemental and most supportive and understanding place I've ever come across. You can come here to vent, rant, or whatever - and you'll always find support.

If you have Iphone or other device like that there's app you can download, and you can post while you at work - when you feel cravings or whatever.

I also understand you that everything seems to be a reason or a trigger to have a glass of wine ( and then more). I used to love wine too.

Can you talk to you gf about that so you have no temptations at least at home?

Sorry to hear what's happened to you. Do you see a counsellor or getting some other help about PTSD?

Surely, it's damn hard to quit when booze is around, but you have to decide you need it. Motivation? Much better life. I was hell scared that I won't be able to deal with pain from the past without wine, but it's just BS. Actually, I'm dealing with it even better now.

Enablers? Maybe, try urge surfing - a lot of people here find it helpgful


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Or imagine that bottles are your enemies which are disguising life friends and want to steal your life away.

Sorry, can't come up with better ideas)

Hold on, sobriety journey may be challenging but it's quite doable. You can do it too.

Take care.
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Old 05-14-2013, 02:57 PM
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Welcome to SR buckeyeguy

D
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Old 05-14-2013, 05:45 PM
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Welcome buckekeguy01, SR is a great support , especially in early sobriety. I hope it helps you as much as it's helped me
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:38 PM
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I'm currently at work. Usually not one of the nights have difficulty not drinking. I hope no one takes this offensively or as me attempting to portray myself in any way superior. As I said before, I don't have the urge to drink all the time. However, even tho I have no desire to do anything but go home to my girlfriend, I still have this terrible feeling that in two weeks (if not sooner) that I will again be experiencing the feelings of guilt and remorse after another binge. What's the trick to making the one day at a time philosophy work? Any success stories? I know that what I absolutely need to quit permanenetly and I am completely aware of that. However, I do feel that if I can stick to sobriety for a time sufficient to see real progress in my life, staying clean will not be as difficult. Thank u all again.
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Old 05-15-2013, 01:11 PM
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Could someone please explain to me ow to better navigate this website. I'm very much interestted in giving support as well. I feel as though I am not posting and/or navigating the forums correctly. Thank you.
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Old 05-15-2013, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by buckeyeguy01 View Post
Could someone please explain to me ow to better navigate this website. I'm very much interestted in giving support as well. I feel as though I am not posting and/or navigating the forums correctly. Thank you.
You can reply to anyone's thread, just as you replied to your initial post. So you open a thread to view and if you feel you can lend support or advice, you reply. Simple.
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