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New here, wanna get sober, Looking for advice\support

Old 05-13-2013, 05:53 PM
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New here, wanna get sober, Looking for advice\support

I have never made a real attempt at getting sober. Although I want to badly. I am 38 years old, married with a 9 yr old step daughter and I feel like my drinking is getting more and more out on control. I drink anywhere from 16 to 20 beers every other night. I'm damaging relationships and know that if I don't change, eventually will push my wife away as well. I did attend an AA meeting but felt it was actually kind of depressing. Then I did the clinical assessment and of course was deemed an alcoholic but I didn't go any further. I want to do this on my own, but not sure if I can. So I am here just seeking out support/advice.
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:55 PM
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Welcome to SR abefroman! This is a wonderful place where you're never alone. We're so glad to have join us.
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:56 PM
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Welcome to sr Abe I attend AA and it has helped me find a way to live a sober life. Some meetings make me sad as well but I usually learn so much from my fellows. The steps have also helped me learn why I drank... That was integral for me. SR is a great sober community for support as well, I'm glad you found us!
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:05 PM
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There are many ways to get sober. AA and other programs, counseling, outpatient treatment, rehab centers. Lots of ways to get sober. I did it using this site and weekly counseling sessions.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:10 PM
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Thank you both. I had a recent episode where I used profanity in front of my daughter, and did several others things that I was told that I did, but don't even remember due to blacking out. The guilt and shame is weighing on me heavily, which is a feeling I have a lot after I drink. It's one of the reasons I am attempting to make steps to be sober. Not to mention I don't want to break my family apart. I do have a good wife who has stood by me this far, but like anyone, she can only take so much. So I am at a crucial point in my life and need to make a change. Tired of being hungover, guilt ridden, and drunk every other night.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:12 PM
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Thx Least. I guess I am going to start by getting as much as I can from these threads. Only day 1 so I expect things to get tougher.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:19 PM
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Hi Abe,

Welcome! You will find a lot of different ways that people get support when you look around here for a while. I am also 38 and have young kids at home. My drinking was also getting out of control and after the New Year I decided it was time to make a change. After several failed attempts (2 weeks off, slip up for a few days, back to sobriety and on and on) I decided to try AA. I have been attending about 4-5 meetings a week for nearly 2 months. After my latest slip up about 2 weeks ago I decided to seek out intensive outpatient therapy. My program is 3 3-hour sessions a week for 6 weeks. So far I am 1 week in and am liking it. I have been sober for 9 days. Between that and checking in here daily I am hoping this will finally be what it takes to get sober permanently. All I know is that I am not giving up. Every time I fail I get back up, assess why I slipped, and try to make a change for the next time.

Hang in there. I wish you the best. PG
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:21 PM
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Abe, I'm on day 1 (again) too. I am so sick and tired of feeling guilty and hungover. One day at a time...

Are you going cold turkey? Depending on how much you drank previously, that could be very dangerous. I didn't know that until I joined this forum. Good luck!!!!
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:24 PM
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Thx pep, looking forward to finding my way around here and finding an alternative lifestyle to drinking
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:27 PM
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Cold turkey is what I am considering. I find that a lot of afternoons I drink just because I have nothing better to do.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:33 PM
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Don't hesitate to get medical help if your detox gets bad. Drink fluids, rest, and eat 'easy' food if you can.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:51 PM
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read as much as you can to learn about what to expect and what types of support and techniques are available. AA works for many people, but not everyone. You will also need to better understand why you drink. Not likely just boredom.
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Old 05-14-2013, 12:31 AM
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Your making a great decision . Best of luck with the first trials. Is your wife on side as far as knowing what your doing ? Once you've made this decision it's best to keep on even if you have a stumble or after a while decide you can try again ! This is the place that made all the difference. Although the first push can be problematic it doesnt have to be that bad . If it is keep on better things are just around the corner. I cannot tell you just how much better my life has got and I thought my life was good before.
Keep here.
Regards John.
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:16 AM
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So it's been roughly about 36 hours since I last had drink. Today is much better than yesterday, the hangover from the weekend has subsided and got plenty rest last night. Feel good this morning. I know I will be really tested over the next few days. Especially right after work when it's really easy to just grab a beer and tell myself to only have a few (which never happens!)

By the way, does anyone else find that when the weather is completely nice and sunny outside, that it becomes a trigger to want to drink? i love to be outside. Barbecue, Golf, etc. But of course all of these things can be done while drinking so of course, I tend to gravitate toward them when the weather is beautiful out.
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:54 AM
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Originally Posted by abefroman View Post
...does anyone else find that when the weather is completely nice and sunny outside, that it becomes a trigger to want to drink?
I could trick myself into thinking how much I enjoyed drinking on nice, sunny days. The reality was, I drank every day, under every possible metrological condition, under various circumstances, and for every life situation. Either everything triggered me, or...

...I was an alcoholic.

I pick door number two.
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Old 05-14-2013, 09:05 AM
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Yea you are right. It's not like i only get the urge to drink on great weather days. If we we had a week straight of rain, I know I would be drinking regardless. I guess what I meant was, I need new outdoor hobbies, lol.
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Old 05-14-2013, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by abefroman View Post
Yea you are right. It's not like i only get the urge to drink on great weather days. If we we had a week straight of rain, I know I would be drinking regardless. I guess what I meant was, I need new outdoor hobbies, lol.
For years I had a Sunday tradition of cooking on the grill in the evening with the baseball game on the radio and a cooler of beer. I would sit, drink, and survey the domain of my backyard.

I loved my Sunday nights. Hated my Monday mornings.

When I quit drinking I quit the routine of my Sunday night, baseball game cookout.

Why? Because they triggered me to drink. No. The only reason I would sit in my bug-infested backyard with a smoking grill for hours and hours was because I was drinking. With the drinking gone, the "fun" was gone.

I've found other outdoor activities that I do enjoy sober. Productive ones.
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Old 05-14-2013, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by abefroman View Post
Yea you are right. It's not like i only get the urge to drink on great weather days. If we we had a week straight of rain, I know I would be drinking regardless. I guess what I meant was, I need new outdoor hobbies, lol.
You don't necessarily need new hobbies, but we do need to definitely change how we go about not only our hobbies but our daily life. Triggers exist everywhere, so it's really about finding ways to enjoy your life and work without alcohol on top of it. For me I reached the point that I wasn't drinking to feel good, but drinking because I didn't feel normal if I didn't. It took a while after I quit to start feeling normal, and even several months in I have days where I feel like crap or out of it. But overall things are much better.

You are very lucky in that you still have your family, job, health. Just this morning I talked with a secretary in our main office who attended a funeral for a high school friend that died from cirrhosis at 42. It's just not worth the risk. I wish you the best of luck and please stay with us here at SR, the support is great.
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Old 05-14-2013, 09:15 AM
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Grats on 36 hours! Glad you are feeling better. Stay vigilant. Addiction has a sneaky way of making you forget that you want and need to quit. Checking in here daily reminded me of my true desire to become sober. There are lots of different ways people are getting sober. Keep reading here and never rule anything out. Always be willing to keep trying new methods. I got and have stayed sober with this site, started working on my life issues with counseling, and will always be open to try additional measures if needed. Because being sober is worth it. You never have to have another hangover, be told what you did the previous night, or have that post drinking anxiety or guilt ever again.
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by OneLessLonely View Post
Grats on 36 hours! Glad you are feeling better. Stay vigilant. Addiction has a sneaky way of making you forget that you want and need to quit. Checking in here daily reminded me of my true desire to become sober. There are lots of different ways people are getting sober. Keep reading here and never rule anything out. Always be willing to keep trying new methods. I got and have stayed sober with this site, started working on my life issues with counseling, and will always be open to try additional measures if needed. Because being sober is worth it. You never have to have another hangover, be told what you did the previous night, or have that post drinking anxiety or guilt ever again.
Thanks a bunch. Its only been a day and half but I am already really into the feedback I am getting through this site. Plan on making several daily visits.
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