New Here: My Story

Old 05-13-2013, 01:03 PM
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Join Date: May 2013
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New Here: My Story

Hi Everyone -- I landed here because of my husband. We have fought off and on about his alcohol consumption over the past few years but it all came to a head a few months ago. I took all the alcohol out of the house one day and told him enough is enough. He wasn't happy about it, of course, we argued about it, but he played along for a couple weeks. One night he had an after work event and came home extremely drunk. Next thing I knew he was talking in circles, picking a fight, the usual. I declared enough is enough, told him I had had it with the drinking, this was Exhibit A right here of why he could not handle alcohol. I stormed off, we went our separate ways.

15-20 minutes later he began texting me from another part of the house. The messages were vague but hinted that he was doing something very stupid. I ran from our bedroom down through the house and into the garage where I found him inside his car, with a garden hose attached to the exhaust and snaked into the car, car running, etc. etc. the whole scene. Ambulance took him to the hospital.

He spent one week in an in-patient psych ward then transferred to voluntary in-patient program for alcohol dependency. He spent a week at that program before returning home. He was home for about 6 weeks, doing an outpatient program before returning to work.

He is now beginning week four back at work. He still is involved with an outpatient night program. Last week he fell off the wagon. Had another after work event, we had been arguing about trivial things and after arguing with me over the phone while at the event, he hung up on me and hauled off and drank. When he came home he said a lot of nasty, hurtful things. The next day he denied his problem with alcohol, rolled his eyes at my description of him as an alcoholic, said he only had "a couple beers" at the game as if it were the most natural thing to do. We had a very rough several days following.

During those days though, I did a lot of research online. I came across what I now know is the Al-Anon literature "Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round Called Denial" which hit SO close to home for me. As soon as I read it I decided I wanted OFF the merry go round, as soon as possible.

I have been going to a therapist since the suicide attempt and last Friday attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I went to a second meeting on Saturday. Almost as soon as I began detaching, my husband first responded in a way of accusing me of abandoning him, claiming his recovery had been going well while mine seemed to be declining, etc. Then, a change seemed to happen. He realized that I may just really mean business. He thought through a plan of attack for his recovery, told me what he intended to do.

Last night I asked him to remind me of what he planned to do, recovery-wise. I typed it into my computer while he talked. I told him I just wanted to make sure I was clear on what he had in mind. This week I will see if he follows through.

I don't think he has truly reached a point where he realizes he is powerless over alcohol. I don't think he's really ready to have it no longer be a part of his life. I am heartbroken over that, but what I've learned tells me that there's nothing I can do to change that. I can hope he gets there soon. Until then, I need to set my boundaries and follow through on anything I say. We have two young boys at home and I want us to have a healthy, happy family for the long run. I think if I don't do what I need to do to get off the merry go round, then it will spin and spin until we're all destroyed.
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Old 05-13-2013, 01:20 PM
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ScottFromWI's Avatar
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Hi Cal, welcome to SR. You seem to be a very strong person and it seems you are doing everything you possibly can to help support your family and your husband, you should be commended. He doesn't see that now of course but hopefully he will some day as you say.

Your story is a good reminder to those of us who were ( or are ) in your husband's predicament the amount of harm we cause to those around us. I wish you the best and hope your husband finally makes the decision to pitch the booze for good. Because as you have figured out, only he can make that choice.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:12 PM
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MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,298
Welcome to SR! I'm sorry you're going through this but you're making the right choice. Alcohol is destroying your husband, and if you do nothing it will take you with it. All you can do is set boundries and try to support him. You can't make him stop, he has to be ready to do it for himself.
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