nigey1

Yep same I was 15 and blacked out and did it for the next 20 years. Seems strange to hear someone say they blacked out for the first time, I kinda thought that's why you drank, to chase oblivion.

My idea of moderation or not having a big night was drinking and maintaining a drunk but not to the point of blackout.

It is great to read your post as it easy to forget what we were.

Woozy

Blackouts became an all too common occurrence for me, I blacked out last night as a matter of fact. Quit while your ahead, the blacking out will start happening more if you keep drinking. Drinking always gets worse, never better... Remember that.

EverySngleNight

Oh, that sounds like a terrible night. I got decked once.. Def inappropriate nudity happened... I fell down a ravine as a teenager and a tire stopped me from rolling into a river, and then I woke up on said tire, alone. (Everyone thought I wandered off and they left me.) I got taken to psyche TWICE in my 20's for being totally out of control. ETC ETC ETC... (Yes there are unfortunately many MORE humiliating examples to choose from) Anyway, I'm sharing this because I want you to know- I GET IT! I really do. But, you know what? Time will pass- and you will start to feel better about yourself. You will! And if you maintain your sobriety, you never have to fear or suffer that humiliation again. I keep telling myself "I never have to feel like this again!" I wish I hadn't been in denial for so long. I wrote off ALL of those horrible experiences, and just kept right on going and f'ing up. NOT WORTH IT! You deserve a pat on the back for taking this so seriously and addressing it- before it's too late! One thing is for sure, alcoholics that black out, continue to black out. It sucks... Badly. And it's scary... And dangerous as hell. I'm so sorry for what I know you're going through! Hang in there.

Tamerua

I would start to journal while this is still fresh in your mind. After some time, your head will start to say, meh. It was only that once, you can control it! You will want something to reference back to.

Good luck, glad you're here.

EverySngleNight

Tamerua- I think that is really wise, excellent advice! I'm going to do that.

sutton123

MissMushroom,
I can completely relate to the upset that having a friend cross with you can cause. My roommate, who moved out of my apartment in February due to alcohol issues after I furnished the place and did all the leg work because she was in CA, while I was on the East Coast, and lost her keys, said it was my responsibility to sublet her share of the apartment today (I also met her in inpatient treatment & thought she was sober-- but she showed up to the apartment drunk...). When I told her that it was, in fact, not my responsibility, she flipped out. These are the kind of situations that would drive us to drink, but we can't. I'm glad that you will be seeing a counselor.

Just thought I would reach out to you!

Wishing you luck!
Sutton123

MissMushroom

Sobeira: Hello, and thanks for asking. I am doing a little better, thanks. I have dwelt on it and tried to put things into perspective. It's a really scary thing that has happened and I've taken the necessary steps to speak with someone (a counselor) so I can educate myself on what happened. I won't be drinking alcohol again that is for sure.

I need to take some time to forgive myself before I try and make amends with my friend.


Choublak: I agree, it is a very scary thing. The only thing that concerns me is that that has been over a week and there has been no contact. If I'm totally honest, I would have been in touch with a friend by now to see if she is okay etc knowing fine well that was way out of character. I am not for a minute passing any blame, i've accepted that it is 100% my fault. Yet, there is a part of me that thinks what happened happened I can't change that. However, in the sober light of day her silence speaks volumes to me. I need to give her time but ive tried to speak to her, sent her flowers and that is all i can do know for now. She has had incidents in the past that are a bit nuts (when sober) and I have never passed any judgement to her, I just hope she can do the same. If she can't, then, life lesson learned. Maybe its not meant to be....

Thank you for the posts

MissMushroom

Thanks to everyone for all the posts. You have really helped me gain perspective and I found some strength to deal with the past week. Man, it has been hard and scary, so thank you.

DarkDays

First of many maybe ? Nah, stop right this second and put all this self poisoning lunacy behind you.