Old timer in AA said I dont deserve to be sober we're all selfish and self centered?
 

I left an AA meeting today and felt okay when I went in but felt bad after leaving.This "old timer" an old man (I'm guessing 65-70 years old) who had supposedly been off alcohol for over 10 years said we are all selfish and self centered and none of us deserve to be sober.
There were a couple brand new to AA people there and that was the kind of talk that way back when I was 1st checking out AA and still drinking made me feel bad about myself and kept me from feeling like I could get any help from there and I continued to drink feeling like I was inferior and hopeless.I've been sober for 3 years now and have been around long enough to where I dont think that the one size fits all model of what the main guy who wrote the "Big Book" (that is the AA bible which was copyrighted about 75 years ago) which I believe he modeled after himself is as applicable today as it was then.Even back then it probably was'nt but I think that the primary writer did about as good as he could way back then.
I hear this kind of talk a lot esp from older members but is it really so?

"none of you deserve to be sober"? That sounds really odd--curious to see what others have to say about that.....

Welcome!

I'm glad you've found SoberRecovery.

Much of what is said at AA meetings is open to various interpretations--you can put a positive spin on it or a negative spin. Do you want to stay in AA. or are you looking for another program?

i think that is the classical that old timers say "in the good ol days" or "back in my days". one of my old teachers used to say " in the ol days we did not have computers" but you see him typing away on his computer.
i think most people who say that stuff are jealous or insecure of modern days. that guy who said that, i bet he not only suffered more from alcohol, but took longer to get sober than few of the younger people in there. so i bet he is projecting history and resentment on others.

I think we all "deserve" to be sober. Take it with a grain of salt. He is allowed his on opinion, as we all are.
I do not want to be a drunk anymore and desire to be sober.

Well I'm really really old! Just turned 86 the other day. And I'll just say one thing. I deserve to be sober. Everybody deserves to be sober! Why? Because that's who a person really is. The real me. It's like saying "I don't deserve to be the real me". Sounds like there may have been a "humility contest" going on. I've heard a few of those. One time I heard a person say, "I don't deserve to have a year of sobriety! So each time I reach 364 days I take a drink. Just so I won't be entitled to get a one year chip! Just so I have to go back to day one and go in the rooms and tell them how I don't deserve stuff!"
Boo! Hoo! Poor Me! :c021: That doesn't sound like recovery! That sounds more like theatre! Why not ring down the curtain, get off the stage and get on with it. I'm not talking to you, Acqua! I'm talking to the "old" geezer! I heard another old timer with twenty or so years of professed sobriety say, "I'm a newcomer, just like you!" Another bit of humility drama. :a108:

W.

I think I heard a saying one time about AA meetings that said something like "Take what you want/need and leave the rest". Sometimes I'll go to a meeting and hear only one or two things that are helpful. I've also heard there can be conflict within AA, as in members disagreeing with each other. I remember before a meeting one time I heard someone joking about how dysfunctional their room was.

According to his logic, if none of you deserve to be sober, then he doesn't either. I would take it with a grain of salt..

I wonder who the old man knows/knew ? someone who died or is still out there drinking ..

Maybe some compassion or forgiveness might help him ?

Bestwishes, M

Oldtimers geesh! lol Just kidding, he probably has irritable bowel syndrome today and ran out of prune juice. :) He's just one person. Keep comin back!

I have heard in meetings, that you take what you want and leave the rest.....something like that. I would apply that wonderful wisdom to this mans words. I have not been in his shoes, and will never be. I am not sure where it came from, and personally I could care less. I deserve sobriety as much as anyone does. Everyone, in my opinion deserves sobriety. So, keep on rockin it!

How about this one, "none of us are unique" Of course we are unique. Everyone in those rooms is different

When I hear this one, I agree with it. I am not unique, I am a garden variety drunk.

I agree with you deeker, although Ill admit at times I've felt like I am unique.:rotate:

me 2, usually when I had excuses why I couldn't stop :) but, but.....

Hi aquamanerik :)

I'm not in AA but you hear a lot of things - whether it's at meetings or a board like this.

I can separate the wheat from the chaff now.

The chaff I don't let affect my recovery or the path I've chosen thats clearly working for me.

Don't get a resentment over it.
I think everyone deserves to be sober :)

Congratulations on your three years :)
I see in your profile you're interested in SMART?.

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like that :)

D

well, i'm the child of a loving and benevolent God so i think i deserve to be sober. yes, i'm selfish and yes i'm self centered but through working the steps i am working to remove those defects of character. i claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection. work your 10th step every day and pray to your God for forgiveness and guidance.

on uniqueness: i am a unique human being. there isn't another on this planet like me. but in my alcoholism i suffer like any alcoholic suffers. when i believed i was unique in my alcoholism, i was suffering from "terminal uniqueness." i honestly believed that i suffered from alcoholism in a totally different way that other people suffered. i believed my uniqueness as a human being meant that my alcoholism was also different from everyone else's. how wrong i was! at the core of our addiction it is the same. if it wasn't, how could i relate to other alcoholics in AA or on SR? am i a unique human being, i'm an alcoholic much like everyone else.

Personally, I think a swift kick in his ass and calling him an uncaring, ignorant idiot would have been the appropriate reaction.

No one, and I mean no one has to listen to that kind of crap.

Any of us who are sober deserve being sober. Those that are not sober probably deserve being sober too, when you look at it with compassion.

No one deserves to throw away their lives for a drink. Or for a thousand drinks either. We all deserve what is best for us each in our own individual ways.

:)

This is what the meeting after the meeting is for. You should have cornered him and made him explain it better as he didn't seem to during the meeting. He is right, we don't deserve it. Too many of us get a little sobriety under our belt and then think we can just coast the rest of the way. There is no entitlement. We must earn this thing called sobriety.

I'm sorry you heard that in a meeting. I don't think it is in any way productive nor helpful to a newcomer. Someone new to the rooms already has enough to think about without trying to decipher 'sage speak' of an old timer.

NO ONE deserves the hell that addiction is.