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Not happy with myself

Old 05-12-2013, 10:46 AM
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Not happy with myself

I made the huge mistake of drinking vodka last Tuesday night. I've drank every night since. I spent Friday evening and all day yesterday drinking. I told myself I was going to pour out the rest of the vodka before I went to bed last night but ended up passed out as usual then when I woke up I stumbled to bed without pouring it out. Then this morning I thought I would have just a couple of drinks because why waste the money by pouring it out. I absolutely loved my week of sobriety. I enjoyed getting out and doing stuff, but mostly not feeling like crap. I'm sick of living like this and know I'm the only one who can do anything about it. That's the hard part. Me and my will power.
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:04 AM
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Have you given AA a good try?? It might just be the ticket for you.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:15 AM
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If you beat yourself up, you'll end up hitting the bottle again.
Pick yourself up, eat some food, and remember how good you felt when you were sober last week.

If you keep trying you can succeed.
If you give up you'll never know if you do it or not.

Take care of yourself!
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:27 AM
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What Torso said
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:37 AM
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I live in a small town where everyone knows someone you know. The last thing I need is someone slipping and my employer finding out I have a problem so I won't go to AA. I have started going to a church that has a program for single people and I've joined the gym. Those activities have gotten me out of the house (which is where I do my drinking) and has really helped me feel alive. Another trigger for me is this is Mothers Day and it makes me sad. My 21 yr old son is addicted to meth and I haven't heard from him in months. It hurts my heart to the core. What's crazy is I've only been drinking for 2 1/2 years, but became a full blown alcoholic in that short period of time. Guess the addiction gene runs in our family.
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:39 AM
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Maybe part of the problem is that you think that you need to do this all by yourself.

Sure, you are the only one that can keep yourself from not drinking, but there is SO much support out there that can help you get through this. It all starts with you, BUT you don't need to travel this road alone.

Utilize this site, there are meetings to not only do the steps but to go to and meet other people that are sober and doing the same things, there is a world of people out there that don't drink every night and surrounding yourself with those people will help (it def. helped me get my mind off of using and showed me there are other things to do), get a new hobby and then join a group that does it, embrace your community you live in and reach out, go to doctors they can help you, go to therapists to get to the root of the problem since it is never as easy as it seems, reach out to your family and create a support system to lean on, etc.

You don't need to do this alone!
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:46 AM
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When left to my own devices I too would always fail at sobriety. AA has helped me find a sober life I enjoy. Whatever recovery route you choose, know that you do not have to do this alone. We are here for you!
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:51 AM
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I told my sister yesterday that I have a drinking problem. My bf is supportive but he drinks beer everyday (I've always hated beer so it's not a temptation). I am trying to surround myself with non-drinkers and get involved in new activities. To a certain point I am trying to do this alone, but I'm afraid for people to find out. I'm definitely going to keep coming here for support. It has been a huge help already.
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Old 05-12-2013, 12:00 PM
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Sinderos, You can do it. There are many people here who can help. The most important thing I found is to post before I drink. When I am strarting to think about it. Putting it down in writing usually gets rid of the urge and when it doesn't someone writes something that will.

Please pour the rest vodka out if you have any left. I figure I have saved over $3000.00 by quitting so a few dollars down the drain is nothing. This can be the start of a new week, month, year of not feeling like crap. I thought my life was lost, quitting showed me I was wrong about this.
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Old 05-12-2013, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Sinderos View Post
I live in a small town where everyone knows someone you know. The last thing I need is someone slipping and my employer finding out I have a problem so I won't go to AA. I have started going to a church that has a program for single people and I've joined the gym. Those activities have gotten me out of the house (which is where I do my drinking) and has really helped me feel alive. Another trigger for me is this is Mothers Day and it makes me sad. My 21 yr old son is addicted to meth and I haven't heard from him in months. It hurts my heart to the core. What's crazy is I've only been drinking for 2 1/2 years, but became a full blown alcoholic in that short period of time. Guess the addiction gene runs in our family.
I like the fact that you have found the gym, and your church. I want to touch base on the secret of your drinking. If you decide to go into a meeting, news does not spread like wild fire that you have attended an AA meeting. There is no shame in the fact that we need help with a problem. If I am struggling with my home life, or struggling with something else, I turn to people that I trust for help. I need help at times. If you decide to go to an AA meeting, you may find lasting friendships, and one on one support that you otherwise wouldn't have. You may begin to trust someone there. We are here for you.
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Old 05-12-2013, 12:37 PM
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Hey Sinderos. I know how those binges can go. Been there many times myself. The hardest part is getting over the physical calling for one more drink. It seems like you need that "one more drink" to continue feeling "ok".

When I find myself in that position I take myself to the gym and sweat it out as much as possible. I also try to have a really productive day at work or getting personal things done. I find that this fulfills my sense of worth and makes it easier to not go for that drink.

Before you know it a few days will have passed by without you having a drink and you will feel better physically and mentally each day that goes by.
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Old 05-12-2013, 12:49 PM
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Hi Sinderos. I'm not saying this about you but about so many of our thinking is so much the same including mine when I first attended AA. I brings on a chuckle of how insane my thinking was. I didn't mind too much having read of my DUI in the paper or going to court or losing my license to drive or losing my marriage and kids or falling down drunk in public or not controlling my bladder and wetting my pants or making a general fool of myself when drinking and on and on. But going for help at an AA meeting is worse than death!? Made sense to me while under the control of alcohol. Guess what, most people are glad for us doing something about it. BE WELL
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:28 PM
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Thank you Visch1 for putting it into perspective. I guess it is kind of silly worrying what people will think given the consequences of continuing to drink. I've never had a DUI, but I have hurt people I love due to my drinking. To me that is worse than anything.
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