Old 05-12-2013, 08:46 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Location: UK
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I'm new on here.. I'm 33, female, have a 4 year old daughter, live in the uk and have a massive drink problem . Ive just looked at my friends wedding photos on facebook and am crying , it was her hen in spain last week and i just got pissed and had crying and angry breakdowns.. She said was worried about me and asked me not to come to the wedding which i totally understood.

My best friend since i was 11 is barely speaking to me following my outbursts on the hen holiday.

I never ever learn. My last boyfriend kicked me and my daughter out for being a pisshead. im going through a divorce it was an issue then but i'm divorcing him for verbal abuse.

My mum has incurable cancer, i live with my parents now as i left the marital home which is 200 miles away.

I only have a temp job. I did 4 days last week without drinking and I felt so much better, this weekend ive only had a bit but i feel like the damage is done now. I can never see my friend get married again.

My dad is an alcoholic and was abusive to me, my mum and my brother when i was a young child.

Ive been drinking heavily since the age of about 20. The only time i cut right back was when was my daughter was in her early years.

I get the shakes, cold sweats and severe irritabilty the morning after a heavy night.

When i drink too much, i start seeing things. Im just about to start a new relationship with someone ivw wanted for a long long time and I don't want to lose him through drinking. Sorry guys, thanks for reading xx
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:10 AM
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Thriving sober since 12/18/08
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:30 AM
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Breaking Thru
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Sorry to hear
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:41 AM
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Hi Effie, and welcome! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. I feel your pain. At the end of last year, during my heaviest drinking period, I looked around me and realized that my life was a smoldering ruins. Friends were sick of me, my family was disappointed in me, people at my job were beginning to question me. Worst of all, I had to live with me. When I got sober long enough to actually recognize what I had done, to whom, and for how long, it was enough to make me physically ill---and of course start drinking again.

I am only three months sober at this point but I can tell you what helped me. First, you must begin from RIGHT NOW. By this I mean if you are really and truly ready to stop, you must look at this day (or whatever day) as ground zero. If you spend all or even part of your time looking in the past you will not get better. It will be another reason to drink, Second, it is much easier if you have some outside support. It is very hard to do this on your own as you've probably discovered. I use AA but there are tons of other avenues of support. Beyond giving you practical guidance on how to get sober, it is also going to put you around others who have been exactly where you are (or worse) and will never judge you. This site is a step in that direction but having other support is critical, too. At least it was for me. Third, and this might not be what you want to hear, you must be willing to get sober for yourself. The fact that this new guy is inspiring you to take steps in that direction is awesome. But you need to do it for YOU. I know everyone says that and it sounds like a bunch of junk but it is true. I tried to get sober for my ex, my mom, my best friend...hell, even my dog. None of it worked. All it did, eventually, is turn me into a drunk who hid my drinking. That's why they often call it "rock bottom," because it is usually there that you find no other people or things to get sober "for." But you can stop ahead of that point. Getting into a new relationship might be good or it might be stressful at the same time as quitting drinking---but the important part is that you are doing this for yourself or it likely will not stick.

What I have learned from the very wise people here and AA is that it is never, ever too late. Yes, you're going to have to potentially deal with some stuff down the road but the important thing right now is to get on the road. Really. You WILL find help along the way. And, if you're committed, it will get much, much easier and better.

Welcome again, you will find so much support and advice here.
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Old 05-12-2013, 09:59 AM
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Effie, have you given AA a good try?

I didn't need support to quit drinking and sobering up .. I needed direction and hope. I found those in Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:09 AM
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Welcome Effie, you definitely came to the right place.

It's my day 14 and I can say that this hasn't been the easy path but it definitely is the right one!
I had the same cold sweats, shakes, irritability, guilt, regrets..all that...
I tried to quit so many times.

Just try to understand that you didn't try to hurt anyone in your past on purpose. You have a sickness and you are not able to control it. I did so many terrible things I regret but I realized that to be able to get cured, I need to forgive myself. You need to forgive you and use all those negative memories as an inspiration to get better.

Just take it one hour at a time. It gets easier every day, I promise.

I wish you all the strength.
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:14 AM
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Effie it is never too late to start on the path of recovery. Your daughter is 4 and will soon notice what mummy is doing. More, don't you want to be around for her growing up, marrying, giving you grandchildren?

Stop drinking now. Get what ever help you need, lean on anyone who offers help until you are strong enough to stand alone. Alcohol is a poison that destroys everything, I have taken years to reach the point of realising I can never drink again. I am 2 months sober, I never thought I would make it, but I am on my way.

Get to know you sober befor embarking on a new relationship, be honest with him, if there is a future he will stand by you. If not, he wasn't the one. Be strong, be safe, be sober.
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:26 AM
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Effie, hello and welcome to SR

You sound like there's a lot going on for you right now. I was in the same position as regards the family background of alcoholism and the hurt I felt. I decided to make that commitment to quit for me and my kids so I could break that cycle. Nearly a year later, I can tell you how much better my life is. My children are happy and our relationship is better than I could dared to hope for.

You can do this. Take that step towards the life that is waiting for you and your child. You won't regret it xxx
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Old 05-12-2013, 02:43 PM
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Thanks for your replies, means a lot. I'd like to point out that my daughter never sees me drunk. She is with her dad every two weeks and that is when i binge. The rest of the time I drink in moderation in a tumbler with ice and a straw, not a wine glass, how sad is that. I remember my dad being very drunk around me as a child and I wont do that to her. We live with my parents at the moment, so she is never at risk.

I want to try AA but there is only a meeting at the place I live once a month, i feel i need something every week. What other organisations could i go to?

Ive done awful things im ashamed of, just so sick of myself. Im also bipolar 2 which doesn't help as when i'm high i drink and drink and drink and feel great, when im down i drink and drink but it makes me feel ****, just enhances the mood i'm in.
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Old 05-12-2013, 03:25 PM
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Hi Effie, welcome to this site, I can relate so much to your post, like you im more of a binge drinker- 10 days on 10 off sort of thing, im trying to quit for good as I, like you have done things that I am ashamed and guilt ridden about, your mention about your friends hen do certainly hit home. I was asked by my best friend of years to go to his wedding abroad on a greek island, I had my fears but didn't want to let him down, well I went and blacked out on the wedding day, the next day I was asked to apologise to everyone for my behaviour- none of which I can remember, I was apparently escorted into a taxi, which I jumped out of at traffic lights. The guilt I felt that next day was un imaginable but still my answer was to drink more to 'block' it out, the whole holiday was a disaster and I was lucky to have survived- unfortunately my best friend is not in my life anymore because of my alcoholic behaviour of that trip and other drinking incidents in the past.

The mad part is I felt resentment towards him for putting me in that position in the first place! and drank on that. Im trying to stop altogether now on day 5, I know how you must be feeling, its hard but we can do this- take a look around this site, there are loads and loads of people just like us who have turned their lives around, and we can too. I wish you all the best.
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Old 05-12-2013, 05:53 PM
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Hi Effie. I hope it helps to be here. I felt so much better knowing I wasn't alone.

I hope you'll go easy on yourself with the guilt and remorse. I used to rehash everything in my mind, and it kept me on square one for a long time. It wasn't until I decided to be kind and patient with myself that I began to heal. I think you'll find hope by being here with us. I'm glad you're reaching out for a better life. You can do this.
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