I am ready to end the madness!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 63
I am ready to end the madness!
Hi there,
I am ready and have accepted that I am powerless over alcohol! I tried three and half years ago to attend an addictions centre only to never return, for I believed that going to church would help me.
One day I came into church broken and devastated from my separation, and left even worse then I started. I did everything in my power to stay sober...but the pain of the separation was brutal. I didn't stop but I cut back ALOT! Thursdays I started volunteering at the church with dinners for the needy and loved it. It became my haven.
7 months ago it all changed...my church split...but I continued the same dinner ministry at a different church. Things looked pretty good.
My mentor(church leader) and prayer group started to attend my home every morning for prayer...and Wednesday nights for bible study. I believed that I was adding to my life this decision of having these people I knew, some more then others...especially my mentor who I knew for three years.
Lets just say that this ended being more of a cultish experience then what I first aloud into my home. I was abused in every way, emotionally/mentally, physically/sexually, spiritually, verbally, and financially. During this time I started drinking again heavily because of the trauma I was being put under. I was isolated and controlled that I lost my voice. My mentor ended being a PHYSCOPATH and destroyed everything that I build. He said my drinking was ok because of the burdens of the world that I carried. He was a master of manipulation and twisted the bible to benefit his own agenda. He not only got me believing his BS , but also the group. I thought my separation was traumatizing...now I am dealing with PTSD..and seeing a trauma sexual counsellor. And this Tuesday I attend the addictions centre that I walked in three and half years ago. I admitted myself to the hospital because I drank myself for 2 days last week, that I knew I needed some help immediately! My children have to stay with their father now until I am stable.
SO here I am again, but this time I am READY FOR THE REAL PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Thanks for listening
I am ready and have accepted that I am powerless over alcohol! I tried three and half years ago to attend an addictions centre only to never return, for I believed that going to church would help me.
One day I came into church broken and devastated from my separation, and left even worse then I started. I did everything in my power to stay sober...but the pain of the separation was brutal. I didn't stop but I cut back ALOT! Thursdays I started volunteering at the church with dinners for the needy and loved it. It became my haven.
7 months ago it all changed...my church split...but I continued the same dinner ministry at a different church. Things looked pretty good.
My mentor(church leader) and prayer group started to attend my home every morning for prayer...and Wednesday nights for bible study. I believed that I was adding to my life this decision of having these people I knew, some more then others...especially my mentor who I knew for three years.
Lets just say that this ended being more of a cultish experience then what I first aloud into my home. I was abused in every way, emotionally/mentally, physically/sexually, spiritually, verbally, and financially. During this time I started drinking again heavily because of the trauma I was being put under. I was isolated and controlled that I lost my voice. My mentor ended being a PHYSCOPATH and destroyed everything that I build. He said my drinking was ok because of the burdens of the world that I carried. He was a master of manipulation and twisted the bible to benefit his own agenda. He not only got me believing his BS , but also the group. I thought my separation was traumatizing...now I am dealing with PTSD..and seeing a trauma sexual counsellor. And this Tuesday I attend the addictions centre that I walked in three and half years ago. I admitted myself to the hospital because I drank myself for 2 days last week, that I knew I needed some help immediately! My children have to stay with their father now until I am stable.
SO here I am again, but this time I am READY FOR THE REAL PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Thanks for listening
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm very sorry that you have such a difficult and traumatic experience with your church group. Thankfully you are seeking support now and moving in the right direction. We are here to help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I found lasting sobriety and a Higher Power in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I completed a 90 day recovery home program in 1989 then straight into AA.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I completed a 90 day recovery home program in 1989 then straight into AA.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
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