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27 days and starting to struggle.

Old 05-11-2013, 04:46 PM
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27 days and starting to struggle.

Hi all, this is my first post so please be gentle with me. I haven't taken a drink for 27 days which I've mostly done through willpower motivated by fear of the physical symptoms my drinking was starting to cause and through reading inspirational hell and back type sobriety literature.

The first 7 days were not good both physically and emotionally but the fact that they were so hard sort of showed me that I really did need to do this. The next couple weeks sort of passed by with me being fairly proud of my supposed new found self control with cravings and anxiety being fairly constant buy low level. Them SLAM straight into a wall of painful anxiety and pre-occupation with taking another drink. The novelty of feeling better physically has worn off and i'm now at a stage where I've almost convinced myself that I don't really need to do this, "my drinking isn't that bad", "I'll just drink socially once a week to unwind" "I'm not harming anyone, a couple won't hurt" etc spin around my head constantly and starting to believe my own crap despite logically knowing that there's plenty of evidence to the contrary.

I don't know a lot about recovery and i'd be really grateful for any help and advice that anyone could offer. May we all find peace. Thank you.
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:53 PM
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Hi and welcome Britgirl

I found fear was a great motivator -to begin with - but it never lasts.

Coming here daily - reading others stories and posting about mine, joining threads...that helped me keep my motivation in the long term

I'm glad you've found us

D
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:19 PM
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Hi Britgirl. I'm only on day six. I lasted 50 days back in January, but did it without support. I'm trying to post something every day and read other people's posts. I have been told by many people to go to the meetings. I found several in my area and am working on the courage to go and meet other people who are making sobriety work.
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:38 PM
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At first I quit out of fear too but stayed sober out of a desire to live a better life. Getting sober made my life so much better, simpler, and happier.

to the family!
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:59 PM
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I agree, willpower and fear will only work for so long. In the long run you have to treat your disease. There are plenty of methods to do that, but I've found it's impossible for me to do it alone. I am weak and I need outside help and support to stay away from alcohol.
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:28 PM
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It's 8 days for me today! And it's been a struggle. I think my new addictions are exercise, cleaning (seriously!!!!) and of course SR. When ever I get the urge, I pop on SR and start to read and get inspired. You can do it
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:48 PM
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Britgirl- Congrats on 27 days! That is quite an accomplishment! I am in the same boat as you are it seems, as I have been sober 30 days and am starting to feel shaky again in my commitment to total abstinence. It flashes in my head at times picturing myself at some point down the road drinking or telling myself I could be like other people who drink "this time" and I'm starting to feel worse physically again as well. I have reached out for support and keep reminding myself that my addictive voice will tell me anything to get me to drink again and that if I do drink I will have to start all over and it will be worse and harder the next time so why bother!! I have to keep reminding myself that I don't like the person I am when I drink and that in order to be and become the person I want to be, alcohol is not a part of that, nor will it be ever. Then I give myself a moment to grieve that fact and try to move on to more positive forward thinking. Some days are better than others when it comes to that, today was not one a good one for me. Tomorrow will be better. At least I will wake up not hung over or going through the guilt/shame cycle. It doesn't get much worse than that!
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Old 05-12-2013, 03:50 PM
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This really helped me, thank you so much.

Originally Posted by sleeplessinco View Post
Britgirl- Congrats on 27 days! That is quite an accomplishment! I am in the same boat as you are it seems, as I have been sober 30 days and am starting to feel shaky again in my commitment to total abstinence. It flashes in my head at times picturing myself at some point down the road drinking or telling myself I could be like other people who drink "this time" and I'm starting to feel worse physically again as well. I have reached out for support and keep reminding myself that my addictive voice will tell me anything to get me to drink again and that if I do drink I will have to start all over and it will be worse and harder the next time so why bother!! I have to keep reminding myself that I don't like the person I am when I drink and that in order to be and become the person I want to be, alcohol is not a part of that, nor will it be ever. Then I give myself a moment to grieve that fact and try to move on to more positive forward thinking. Some days are better than others when it comes to that, today was not one a good one for me. Tomorrow will be better. At least I will wake up not hung over or going through the guilt/shame cycle. It doesn't get much worse than that!
Thanks sleepless, this really resonated with me on so many levels!! I think for me the reason i'm starting to wobble is that the initial excitement about sobriety has worn off. If i'm honest with myself I think I thought all my problems would melt away if only I could stop drinking whereas in actual fact all it's done is allowed me to see what a mess I've got myself in to more clearly. I've used alcohol to try and block out life for so long that I don't really know what to do without it and am pretty disgusted with myself for it too. I'm sorry that you had a bad day yesterday and really hope that todays been better for you. I'd like you to know that you really helped me and I hope knowing this will help you in return.
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Old 05-12-2013, 04:03 PM
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For me alcohol just created more and more problems to drink over. It was a vicious cycle. Drink, do something daft, drink to forget. Do something daft. Drink to forget.

Now there seems to be no more 'daft things' to drink over and forget now I have given up alcohol. There is not the need to numb myself as much. I think this is because my life is calmer andI don't make mountains out of molehills which used to give me an excuse to drink.

I have 450 days, I would never go back.

Those thoughts you are having 'one will not hurt' etc is your addictive voice.
We all have one.
Learning to listen out for it may help prevent you from drinking again.

Why not have a read of AVRT and see if you can align yourself with it?

My best to you x
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Old 05-12-2013, 04:08 PM
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From Chapter 5 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, How it Works...

"RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon."


this is what proceeds the 12 Steps. after the steps...

"Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

(c) That God could and would if He were sought."


last paragraph of "More About Alcoholism"

"Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum."

i know that i did a lot of the things in the above paragraph. i tried to fix the world around me or patch a bandaid on myself instead of making the whole body and mind change that was necessary for me to really begin recovery. i am not perfect. i never will be. the world around me will keep on keepin' on. what matters is how i've changed myself to learn to live on life's terms. i probably sound like a Big Book thumper but i know it's working to change my life. even if you don't go to AA, consider picking up a Big Book and reading the first 164 pages. many people have found the solution in there. perhaps you will as well.
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:03 PM
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Hi BritGirl -

Congrats on getting sober & staying sober 27 days!

Interestingly, for me each 'anniversary' (1 day, 7 days, 14 days, 1 month, 2, months, 3 months) came with it's own 'leveling' up challenge that required new learnings and developing new skills to get through. Some shifts were larger than others.

Good news: after each 'challenge' I got a renewed sense of well being on the other side, similar to getting sober. I've noticed that most people have a cycle of some sort. Mine have a tendency to sneak up out of the blue, and when they do, focusing on day - by - day has been very helpful.

Also, looking back, it took my body about 5 weeks to go through acute detox - bloating, eyes, etc. Post acute detox, I started to recognize "Me"when I looked in the mirror & it renewed my motivation to get "Me" fully back.

You can do this!
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