gdt928

Hello folks. Some advice please. 20 years ago, I got involved with a woman who had been a long time friend of mine and my family. I was going through a divorce, and she made herself very available to me. I fell...hard. What ensued was 4 years of chaos and emotional upheaval culminating with her going into an inpatient detox and recovery center for alcoholism. Upon her release from treatment, it was clear that she had gotten romantically involved with one of the men in her program group, and I also found out that she had been cheating on me for virtually every day of our relationship. With several men, including an old boyfriend who had beaten the crap out of her. At that point, I told her that I couldn't stay in a relationship with her.

After a couple of months of no contact, she called me and said she wants to go into therapy with me and try and put our relationship together. I agree, and we work with a therapist for more than a year, and eventually we marry. Flash forward 16 years. I asked her casually about the ex-boyfriend, and she claims she doesn’t remember any of it, that she never did any of that stuff, and she doesn’t even remember having an AA workbook. Needless to say, I’m gobsmacked totally. Repressed memory?

duane1

Perhaps, but bringing up something or someone that far in the past is not a good idea.

bi11fish

How about selective memory---If she has made her amends and is sober what good does reliving old tapes do either you or her?

Anna

I don't like being reminded of the mistakes I made years ago, when I was drinking. Maybe that's the problem.

FamilyMan2153

What was the reason to bring it up again? I don't talk about my mistakes I made often but do remember them. If they do not effect your life today it is better to let go.

Zebra1275

Let it go.

My wife's memory of events 20 - 25 years ago is not very good. I consider that a blessing.

rainyengland

Agree - life's too short and what done is done

Mountainmanbob