day 1 ...........again
 

Well folks I had another slip last night. I just can't seem to be able to stay sober any length of time. I need some major changes in my life. I'm dealing with impossible circumstances in my home life situation. Things need to change here before I can truly focus on my sobriety.I'm beginning once again tho. I will never quit trying. . Hopefully next time I check back in I will be able to say things have gotten better for me. . I feel like such a failure, and just can't seem to stop this insane cycle. I really feel hopeless and defeated, and ashamed
to. Its a sad day for me 2day.:cries3:

Sorry to hear that Raja. I haven't read all your past posts, but what things have you tried thusfar to keep sober? Have you been seeking any local help or support?

Been there. Done that. This week. Let's mount up and ride, pardner.

I do aa meetings every now and then. I really don't have any other support systems except for a few family members and friends. I've been reading about avrt tho. I just really need 2 go live somewhere else for awhile, while I'm so new in sobriety. Got 2 much on my plate in my home life situation 2 really focus on me. Thanks for asking. Any ideas?

Thanks non. I'm ready to give it antr try. I'm right there with ya. Thanks.

Sorry to hear this raja. You're always such a supportive soul here at SR. What is it you can do for YOU so you don't have to continue torturing yourself this way? I can say with great confidence everyone here wants you to be okay and are "listening".

I was wondering about your approach to recovery also, raja, as it doesn't seem to be working for you. Of course, if you don't have one, that would explain it.

I hate to see you settling into the despair that your ongoing struggles bring you. You mention "...dealing with impossible circumstances in my home life situation." Dealing with them? Or suffering the consequences of them?

Don't know what those circumstances are, but perhaps airing them out on SR would be a start. Maybe someone can provide some ways to cope.

I personally think you need to make hard choices about what's most important. If sobriety is important to you, you need to make time for it. We all have busy lives and lots of things going on around us, and it's easy to use those things as excuses to postpone treatment/support, etc.. Not to minimize your problems at all, but in reality you aren't going to get sober until you committ 100% to it.

Maybe you could increase the frequency of your AA meetings. Or perhaps check to see if there are any low cost or free outpatient rehab programs? Many of them are not every day and for only a couple of hours at a time.

Bottom line, we'll always have problems in our life. And they don't get any better while we are still drinking.

I hope you can find a way to make recovery work for you.

I'm glad you're back.

Don't give up!! You're heart is in the right place.. Get back in the saddle and try again.. Go to more meetings maybe a different time..My bad activitys started after 5pm so I've been attending the 7pm meetings, I get there early and stay late and go eat dinner or do something with the fellowship after the meetings and it was a huge help.. You can do this!! Stop the insanity today!! Wishing you luck!!

I suppose I need to try different recovery methods. I understand life issues happen and we have to deal with them sober or not. I'm not using my home life situation as an excuse for drinking. But I truly feel if I was in a different situation then I'm in now, it wouldn't be such a struggle on a daily basis. I am suffering the consequences of my situation as I see I'm not dealing with them very well. I think looking in2 a outpatient rehab is something I may check out. Thanks evry1 for the comments and suggestions.

Hiya , so sorry to hear this :-(

It happens though ..pick yourself up , I know your strong and can do this !!

Your friends are here - talk to us :-)

Take care

Best of luck Raja - and stay with us on this. You can overcome anything if you try hard enough.

((raja)) I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know I beat myself up unmercifully. I wish I could give you a great big hug.

If you feel rehab is the answer...please check into it.

We're here to support you and hold you up until you can do it for yourself. :hug:

There are many choices when it comes to programs. I checked them all out ..googled every one of them.

Best Wishes To You!

I believe just the opposite of what you said above, I had to get sober first before things could actually change.For me I had to get sober first and grow up emotionally and spiritually. It's amazing how the things that are chaotic in our lives seem a whole lot less chaotic when we are sober as our perception of them changes. Put your sobriety first raja. :)

good to see you back Raja - there's some good ideas here.

Theoretically I think we should be able to get sober anywhere with anyone - I realise it's not easy in practice tho - and sometimes we need to make the tough decisions and change our situation.

but if you can't change your situation, maybe you need to look at why you drink and how you might handle those triggers and situations in a more healthy way?

D

Im with you Raja, slipped YET again last week, on day 2 now so im with you and non. Had ten days before that and about 25 before that, its so frustrating, like you my personal life is making it harder- problems with ex, unemployment, family worries etc, but I have to try as hard as it is to put sobriety before these things. Like you been floating around aa again, went tues and tonight, but still in limbo as to how im gona stop and stay stopped.

I also felt a need to change my circumstances before getting sober. An unsupportive environment was a complication that I refused to deal with.

I became willing to change
 

Raja, I am very sorry to hear you are struggling. Please remember that there are many of us here, myself included, who will listen and offer support. Please don't beat yourself up for drinking, it will only make things worse. Try to be kind to yourself, in thought and action.

I was fortunate enough to be able to change my circumstances and remove myself from a destructive context in which I had very little support. However, I do understand that for many people this is simply not possible for a variety of reasons.

It really is a viscous circle, and in the end it is hard to tell what is cause and what is effect. We drink because of the bad circumstances, which makes the circumstances worse, which makes us drink more and makes us unable to deal with or get out of the bad circumstances...

What I have found helpful is to try to stop compartmentalising issues - "if only I get my relationship, my career, my living circumstances, my relationship to my family etc. under control then I will be able to..." and instead try to see how all of these things are interlinked and related to one fundamental issue - the negative patterns of thinking I have developed (for a variety of reasons) regarding myself and the destructive actions that follow from this.

The problem is not "out there", it is inside, and no matter how fast I run (or drink) or where I go, it will follow me, unless I try to deal with it once and for all. To be able to do so I need to create a space where I feel safe and where I have support. No one should have to do this on their own - I don't think it is possible to do so.

While you may not be able to change your circumstances all together, you can change how you deal with them and what kind of support you are receiving. Perhaps a good start is to talk about the problems you are going through with someone you trust, or people here on SR, to get some practical advice on how to commit to recovery in those particular circumstances. Talking about your situation might take some pressure off you, and make it easier to stay away from alcohol.

I hope this makes sense. It is getting late here... Sending you warm thoughts.