Question: is there need for prayer in sobriety?
 

i have been hearing a lot of chatter online in other forums, other chat rooms and around my city that prayer is a essential part of sobriety. please explain to me why that is so important? i do not pray and i have my reasons behind it, something i wont share in a public forum but would share via private message. when i mention to some sober people that i dont pray they give me this look as if i have 3 eyeballs, why? if i mention in chat, anywhere some people, not all seem to act as if i am on a road to failure. why is that? i feel GREAT today, i have felt great over my last 31 days of sobriety. are these people trying to bring me down? if i dont pray will i not be associated with? i feel to each their own, if your living a positive life and lifestyle then who cares? i have never once judged a person because they go to church or pray. i simply say that is not for me. so am i going to be dammed to hell because of this? i dont like how people make me feel after the conversation. i walk away thinking, geez, what did i say, am i that bad of a person? i really could use some positive advice on this one please, i refuse to allow it to ruin my day. i would just like another perspective on the matter, thanks. :)

Hmm, maybe you shouldn't be spending your time with people who are bringing you down and judging you, especially in early recovery. I remember that I had to be very careful in the early days who I spent time with.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I am a very spiritual person, but I don't believe there is a one-size-fits-all in anything in life. Some people pray, some don't, whatever works for you.

Prayer may be an essential part of recovery for some people, but to say it is true for all would be silly. There are people all over the globe (and all throughout time) who do not pray and they successfully quit drinking.

Note that there are also very religious people who use prayer in their daily lives, but chose to end their addictions secularly. This is more common than people think. It is a misconception that everyone who chooses secular recovery is an atheist or agnostic. Many very religious choose a secular road.

I think something more important to ponder would be: why does what others think affect you so strongly?

There are many examples here of great recovery, involving prayer.
There are also many examples here of great recovery not involving prayer.

It's your journey Legend - it has to be - it won't mean anything near as much if it's not.

D

Just as there is no one-size-fits-all type of addict, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. For some, prayer is an integral part of their recovery. For others, myself included, prayer has no place at all; other things like meditation are used to achieve spiritual goals. Some others have no use for spirituality whatsoever and work toward their recovery using purely secular methods. All of these paths can work and anyone who says that one of them is the only way is selling something, lying, or mistaken.

I've always found that my resistance to prayer was more about me wanting to have total control over myself, my behavior, and my addiction, than it was about me not actually liking prayer. Until I realized that myself, my behavior and my addiction were all very irrational things, it didn't make sense that I might need a so-called "irrational" force like religion to deal with them! To be honest, I don't pray much, but my belief in a higher power helps me to deal when my rational self-control breaks down.

I don't pray. I am turned off by AA because of their insistence that there is only one way to stay sober. I know they say that the higher power you believe in is whatever you perceive it to be, but it's just not for me. I applaud AA and all they have done for so many people, and I applaud anybody's decision to go that way. However, since I resist organized religions and resent anyone trying to talk me into it, AA will not be for me.

You may have experienced this because many alcoholics that have gotten sober have done so in AA. AA has steps that involve a ”higher power” and prayer. Many of these people have seen folks who have not wanted to make big changes in their life (adopt a different “way” of living). They have seen them fail over and over. Most likely they were't trying to make you feel bad. They may just be expressing their lack of confidence that yet another person, with a relatively short amount of time sober, will be able to stay that way entirely on their own (or without the help of a power greater than themselves, even if this power is a Group Of Drunks). That does not mean it cannot be done.

I would not judge them too harshly.

Why pray, if you dont pray? I do not think that there is anything wrong with it. I remember when I first started to interact on forums, I felt like I needed to defend myself, and stand a ground of my truth. Not that you are doing this. I would let peoples words affect me to the core. I had to find my voice, and what I know to be true. Your shoe will not fit my foot. I havent seen your shoe, but I can bet that it is much larger than the shoes that I wear. ( I think?) Anyways, you are doing a fabulous job. If your feeling like you are being judged, maybe stay away from those individuals. We have enough to worry about in our lives. They can pray, and you don't have to.

I don't pray about my recovery and I'm doing great so far. It's up to you how you walk your sober journey.

just a reminder to any newcomers who may not be aware or may have forgotten - we have a strict rule in this forum:

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

I think it's possible to contribute to this discussion without slagging off particular recovery methods.

Thanks

Dee
Moderator
SR

The following are ideals to try to aim for. As in darts, the ideal aim is the middle bulls-eye. It's often missed, but we try.

Prayer and Meditation is like Asking and then Listening, and for many of us with "noise" the listening can get cluttered.

Of the things that really matter I have been shown to Ask and Listen then write down what I "hear" on paper. Anything that comes to mind just write it down.
Then "filter" what's written by using the Four Absolutes below as a guide.
There is so much more about the Four Absolutes written we don't hear much about these days, just do a search and something may inspire what you read.

To me it seems like the basics. With a bit of practice this really works. It seems to work for many even atheist, agnostics.
I use it often to decide what meeting to go to if I cannot decide.
The results are astounding, my own thoughts can often delude me, but a filter can get me to the right place.
Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it seems there is nothing, but from my own experience there has always been something.


Honesty
We must ask ourselves, over and over, "Is it true or is it false?"

Unselfishness
At first blush, unselfishness would seem to be the simplest of all to understand, define and accomplish. But we have a long road to travel because ours was a real mastery of the exact opposite during our drinking days.


Love
A good question to ask ourselves on love might be, "Is it ugly or is it beautiful?" We are experts on ugliness. We have really been there. We are not experts on beauty but we have tasted a little, and we are hungry for more.


Purity
Purity is simple to understand. Purity is flawless quality. Gerard Groot in his famous fourteenth century book of meditation, has an essay entitled, "Of Pure Mind and Simple Intention", in which he says, "By two wings a man is lifted up from things earthly, namely by Simplicity and Purity.

Prayer is part of my recovery.

But then again, I used to pray even back when I was an atheist, when I prayed to that nameless Other to take my life and end my misery. Imagine my surprise when my old life WAS taken away and this NEW one given to me instead!

all that matters is how you feel about it. if ya want to, do it. if ya dont want to, dont.
"i dont like how people make me feel after the conversation"
this parts on you,though.

My sobriety is not governed by prayer, my life is. I obviously believe it helps my walk and can help yours, but I am completely indifferent as to whether you do it or not. If you are sober renouncing prayer and happy with life - then god bless! Either way though, don't let your repulsion to prayer to be justification to drink. One has nothing to do with the other. However you get sober, fantastic, but I assure you, nothing can justify the drink

I understand people recover from addiction using secular methods, no prayer required. CBT, DBT, SOS, LifeRing, SMART Recovery and whatnot have all helped me stay on track with living sober, again no prayer needed. I would never suggest that the lack of prayer would hinder ones chances of living the good life sans alcohol/drugs. To me an attitude of "my recovery way" is better than "your recovery way" is one of ignorance. I tend to avoid interaction with ignorant people in and outside of recovery groups, forums or meetings these days.

I prayed to god to relieve me from this dreaded disease know as alcoholism. Now I dont drink?

Legend40 have you ever tried meditation. I find this tool very helpful:)

You're not required to tell others whether you pray or not. I don't know if you're saying "I don't pray" voluntarily, or if you're answering someone who asked you if you pray, but either way you have the choice between continuing or ending the conversation.

As far as prayer being essential or not, well that is up to the individual to decide.