thethirdsunrise

Hi,

I am not new to recovery but I am new to sustaining it. My addictions nearly killed me many times. part of me wants to give up and let the drugs and alcohol take over and the other to be clean. I can't stop the obsessive thoughts. Those in my family tell me relapse is a choice but I feel so out of control. I feel I will never be free of it and I'm scared.
-j

Dee74

Hi thethirdsunrise

That kind of ambivalence is pretty common I think but you can tip the balance on this - find as much support as you can, find as many sober shoulders to lean on as you can.

Make a conscious choice and feed the good side - you won't regret it

D

Coldfusion

Why not commit to staying sober for 24 hours, and join our "24 Hour Club?" You just have to make a post in the thread in the Newcomer's Daily Support Forum.

Superpumped

I feel the same way thirdsunrise so your not alone .

Dee74

Welcome to SR Superpumped

D

Superpumped

Not to derail third but than you dee I appreciate that very much :-)

venuscat

thethirdsunrise and Superpumped ~ Welcome to both of you!!

I spent a long time not knowing if I wanted the alcohol and drugs to just take over; I was so miserable that I just wanted to be lost. To disappear.
Instead, I came here.
And like you sunrise, I was scared... I'm sure many of us were.

But you will find amazing support here, and every day that you add another clean day, you will feel a little stronger, a little less frightened.

Love Venus xx

Fitness1234

Hey sunrise. I know the feeling. Try to take it a moment at a time. Reach out to someone..let them know you need help. We are here for you. You can do this

rainyengland

Welcome both :-) - SR is fantastic,your road to recovery starts right here! ..yay! :-)

YouRmySunshine

Hello & Welcome!
You are not alone in your thoughts & feelings. & you have found a site filled with people that truly understand!
I hope you stick around & post.
~Peace

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

sassu78

Welcome!! Just take it one hour at a time.
Come here as often as you can to read and to post. Lots of experience and support here.

Stay strong!!!

neferkamichael

Thethirdsunrise . It was tough for me for quite some time, but 1027 days sober all the mental krap is easing up. Rootin for ya.

Ptcapote

ThirdSunrise and SuperPumped, Welcome! I was where you were three months ago. I was in a complete depression and figured that letting alcohol completely consume me would be no less painful than living without it. The scale was definitely tipped in the direction of giving up.

I also thought, "Why quit? I will only relapse," as well. Believe me, I built an iron wall between me and my sobriety that neither my own mind nor the people who loved me could scale.

But guess what? I am nearly three months sober and I am so freaking glad that I gave myself the chance. I know that sounds like a bunch of sunshiney crap when you're feeling trapped and panicky and it's hard to believe it will ever be true but...it is. No, my life is not roses and I am not dancing on clouds right now---but my addictions were making everything much, much worse. And once you get through the hard part of letting go of the drink/drugs, life gets incrementally better every day. Really and truly.

You CAN do it. Read around here. There are folks here who have lost absolutely everything and still turned it around. No one here is a stranger to the feelings you're having at all and there is a ton of excellent advice so please keep posting.

When I posted three months ago saying I was considering giving up, some kind soul wrote, "Let us love you until you can learn to love yourself."

So here's the same to both of you: Let us here at SR love you until you can love yourselves."



Believe me, it IS worth it.

thethirdsunrise

Thank you all very much. I just want to live...

J