Overwhelmed and looking for guidance
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 49
Overwhelmed and looking for guidance
My name is Angie and today I will be attending my 3rd AA meeting. It have been sober for just 2 days and today has been very difficult. I have been feeling irritable and lonely. I actually feel like I have lost one of my best friends if that makes any sense.
I am so tired of having a crutch something that I am tied to each and everyday. I am tired of the cycle that my family has been going through. I was at my AA meeting yesterday wondering how on earth could I be sitting there when as a child I used to attend Alanon meetings because of my father and brother and a long list of alcoholic relatives. I am tired of craving that glass of wine and wishing my days away so that it could be 415 so that I could have that first drink and continue drinking till I blacked out almost every night.
AA seems very overwhelming to me but I have been told "just keep coming" that today I need to stand up and introduce myself and get some numbers and a sponsor and allow to be guided How on earth do I stand up and admit to what I am. I feel I cant do it. I know I am but how do I say it...I don't want to live one more day being tied to my addiction. I don't want it for my children as I remember being their age (11, 8 and 7 ) and now my father has been living with cirrhosis and kidney failure. Even at those ages I remember him drinking Actually he always drank up until he got sick and was told if he continued to drink for 2 more weeks he would die and it would be painful. I don't want to get to that point.
I just am so afraid and scared as how am I going to get there...
Any advice anyone can give me would be so greatly appreciated.
Angie
I am so tired of having a crutch something that I am tied to each and everyday. I am tired of the cycle that my family has been going through. I was at my AA meeting yesterday wondering how on earth could I be sitting there when as a child I used to attend Alanon meetings because of my father and brother and a long list of alcoholic relatives. I am tired of craving that glass of wine and wishing my days away so that it could be 415 so that I could have that first drink and continue drinking till I blacked out almost every night.
AA seems very overwhelming to me but I have been told "just keep coming" that today I need to stand up and introduce myself and get some numbers and a sponsor and allow to be guided How on earth do I stand up and admit to what I am. I feel I cant do it. I know I am but how do I say it...I don't want to live one more day being tied to my addiction. I don't want it for my children as I remember being their age (11, 8 and 7 ) and now my father has been living with cirrhosis and kidney failure. Even at those ages I remember him drinking Actually he always drank up until he got sick and was told if he continued to drink for 2 more weeks he would die and it would be painful. I don't want to get to that point.
I just am so afraid and scared as how am I going to get there...
Any advice anyone can give me would be so greatly appreciated.
Angie
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I would continue to go to meetings. As for speaking in meetings, just say your first name and that you want to quit drinking. That's all you need to say. As for finding a sponsor, look for someone who "has what you want": a peaceful sober life. It is a sponsor's job to guide you thru the steps. The meetings are the fellowship of AA; the steps are the program of AA.You can do this!
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